girl problems...

Hi guys, kind of a long story but there we go:

I'm a 17 year old guy and I have some girl problems.
I had my first kiss about 2 years ago, when I was 15. Since then I have only kissed one other girl, when I was extremely drunk, so I don't remember it and the girl later told me I sucked at kissing (whether this was because of the drunkness I don't know).

Now all of my friends have lost their virginity, most at 15 or 16, and most of my friends had their first kisses when they were like 13 or something. So I seem to be the only one staying behind.

Lately I've just been getting high and doing shrooms (legal where I live), to get away from myself and the world. I've kinda given up on girls. But the way I see it, this is like a vicious circle. I'm still a virgin and have almost zero experience, and because of that girls will find me even less attractive, because of which I won't get new experience, etc. I really want to break out of this circle and find love so I can be happy without being high.

Finally some things about myself: I'm a little shy (with girls), but at the same time very social and friendly. I never have trouble making friends and have a few really good ones at school, and I have no trouble talking to girls and making friends with them either.

I'm not ugly or fat. I'm tall and a little skinny. I'm not muscular either, but I'm quite strong and healthy. I've played guitar since I was 7, so I'm pretty good at it. I'm also pretty smart and have a good sense of humor.
Some bad things about me are: I'm very lazy, very absent-minded at times. I sometimes get depressed quickly (but I try to seem happy when I'm with other people).

So I would say that I'm not a terribly unattractive guy, right? Long story short, my question is what can I do to actually seduce a girl, and eventually get a girlfriend.

Peace.

First things first mr. trein: You need to stop putting all this kissing/sex/gf stuff so high on your priority list. Yes these things are great to have and to master but this takes time and patience. You cannot force these things. When i say that what I mean is you cannot not go out there and "seduce" some unsuspecting girl. It has to just happen. And when it does you will be logging on here the next day to share all the unexplainable great feelings going on inside.

BTW...getting high so much is NOT going to help your depression or your laziness....and your laziness is not going tobe deemed attractive by very many girlies.

Also, word of advice: to save some future embarrassment, try NOT to kiss or have sex when drunk. You will not be good and chances are she WILL pretend for the moment then avoid you like the plague!

Well good luck sweetie!

=)

Well the thing is, I'm not putting girls stuff that high on my priority list. I just try to have fun with friends and do things I like (like guitar). But sometimes I get really lonely at night, and then I wonder "**** it, how come I'm the only one nót getting laid!".

And of course I'm not the only one, but the other people not getting laid are either socially awkward/nerdy/fat/ugly (not that I think I'm better than they) while I'm pretty social and outgoing. I dont really have an obvious reason for not getting laid, if you know what I'm saying. I always make people laugh at parties but in the end I go home alone...

And I don't aspire to be some kind of casanova, I'd just like to be able to gó somewhere when I find a girl I like. And about the drugs: I know getting high is no solution, and I don't get high like daily, more like weekly or monthly. But the real solution involves me getting over this whole girl thing and I still don't know how to do that!

Anyways thanks for the advice.

trein said:

Well the thing is, I'm not putting girls stuff that high on my priority list. I just try to have fun with friends and do things I like (like guitar). But sometimes I get really lonely at night, and then I wonder "**** it, how come I'm the only one nót getting laid!".

And of course I'm not the only one, but the other people not getting laid are either socially awkward/nerdy/fat/ugly (not that I think I'm better than they) while I'm pretty social and outgoing. I dont really have an obvious reason for not getting laid, if you know what I'm saying. I always make people laugh at parties but in the end I go home alone...

And I don't aspire to be some kind of casanova, I'd just like to be able to gó somewhere when I find a girl I like. And about the drugs: I know getting high is no solution, and I don't get high like daily, more like weekly or monthly. But the real solution involves me getting over this whole girl thing and I still don't know how to do that!

Anyways thanks for the advice.

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Wish i could have been more help=)

anyhow....WELCOME TO ALL =)

Just so you know, at least half of those guys have NOT had sex yet. They're just saying it to look "cool". There is nothing gained by losing your virginity in your teens. I promise.

Also... How about you reverse the order on your goals? Get the girlfriend first and seduce her later? You know, when your heart is in it, instead of your hormones?

You might want to focus on cleaning up your life so you have more to offer a girl. We're really not that impressed by guys who are drunk and high all of the time. That is a much bigger deal than being an innocent virgin.

ok bro, i don't know if you'll get sick of my opinion half way thru, but here it goes...

first of all, why are you so worried about getting laid and losing your virginity at such a young age? i've been there and done that, and i found that if you follow the crowd you often get lost in it. what i'm saying is listen to yourself without being influenced by your peers, and you'll find that your peers are a bunch of drones that can't think for themselves. you're not staying behind, you're surviving.

second, maybe i read it wrong, but did you mentionthat girls won't be attracted to you because you have no sex skills? that's what i read. girls that chase guys with great sex skills are not worth the breath of your voice or the attention of your eyes. find someone special that likes you for you. if you're still worried about performance anxiety, get this; it's been proven that sex between two people that actually love and have a passion for eachother is MUCH greater than sex between, say, two curios friends, or two horny lovers, or a broke prostitute and her starved client. when i lost mine, my girlfriend at the time and i were MADLY in love. our first time together was one of the greatest experiences i've had up to date. she had already slept with a few other guys, and she said that i was the best she ever had. if that weren't true, how could i explain that she wanted to do it with me every day and everywhere after? life is not what it's portrayed like in the movies. you need to take your copies of american pie and dump them in the trash, because that's where they belong.

next, you need to get off the shrooms and find a more constructive way to spend your time. if you play the guitar, why not form a band and just jam out with them? i wish i knew how to play so that i could do just that. stop being so critical about your looks and your life, and learn to see that good in everything you have and live.

your "problems" aren't really problems. they're just mental conflicts that you can resolve if you even slightly tried. i wish you the best.

Five years from now your life might be changed big time. People who do good suddenly do worse and you might do better. Don't hung up too much on a single moment. Feeling bored at night, is something most people have sometimes. Lots of people have a bad relationship, for instance, than you don't sleep as well.

nerdygirl said:

Just so you know, at least half of those guys have NOT had sex yet. They're just saying it to look "cool". There is nothing gained by losing your virginity in your teens. I promise.

Also... How about you reverse the order on your goals? Get the girlfriend first and seduce her later? You know, when your heart is in it, instead of your hormones?

You might want to focus on cleaning up your life so you have more to offer a girl. We're really not that impressed by guys who are drunk and high all of the time. That is a much bigger deal than being an innocent virgin.

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I just wanna say that I don't have a drug problem. Besides, my friends get drunk or high just as much as or more than me, and so do their girlfriends. It's not a problem, we're just experimenting =)
Also, making up sex was something we did when we were 13/14. I know my friends are not virgins because I know their girlfriends. Apart from that some of them actually got laid at my birthday party, hahah.

That said, my problem with virginity is that when I'm gonna have sex for the first time, it's gonna SUCK. Because the girl will be experienced, and I'll have no idea what I'm doing. If I find a great girl I really like I don't want to dissapoint her, I want us both to enjoy it. I might only have one chance with her and I don't want to screw that up.

What exactly did you mean with 'get a girlfirend first, then seduce her'? I mean if you have a girlfriend she already likes you, so why would you need to seduce her? (I don't mean as soon as you get a girlfriend abandon all effort to impress her, but you won't need to actually get her to like you anymore because she already does)

Still, thanks a lot for replying! =)

^^^You are making some extremely niave assumptions and generalizations, trein. No offense, but I suggest some growing up before you consider losing your virginity or even attempting to enter into a romantic relationship with anyone.

trein said:

What exactly did you mean with 'get a girlfirend first, then seduce her'? I mean if you have a girlfriend she already likes you, so why would you need to seduce her? (I don't mean as soon as you get a girlfriend abandon all effort to impress her, but you won't need to actually get her to like you anymore because she already does)

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You are absolutely wrong here. To keep a relationship going means to continually try to "get her to like you," even if she already does. It's not like you push a button that automatically makes a girl like you for the rest of her life. You have to continually WORK for it, even when you're already together.

trein said:

That said, my problem with virginity is that when I'm gonna have sex for the first time, it's gonna SUCK. Because the girl will be experienced, and I'll have no idea what I'm doing. If I find a great girl I really like I don't want to dissapoint her, I want us both to enjoy it. I might only have one chance with her and I don't want to screw that up.

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If you're having sex with a girl that would dump you because your first time having sex is "bad," then you didn't make a very good choice about the woman, did you?

Again, no offense, but in my opinion it doesn't sound like you're emotionally/psychologically ready to have sex, trein. *shrug*

Everybody is ready to have sex, you only need the right equipment and occasion.

^^^I highly disagree. There's an emotional aspect to sex that can damage a person if they experience it too soon or in a way that's traumatic for them.

Humans aren't robots, and we ARE a step above animals. There are psychological aspects to consider, not just biological ones. If a person just goes around having sex with chicks with the wrong attitude, then he's going to develop certain derogatory views toward women and society in general.

I tend to agree and disagree.

I agree with it, because i am in favour that people treat each other with respect.

I disagree when looking at society. The wars keep on continuing. People are born as gays and pedophiles. Power always corrupts. Lots of people can't get a relationship because others don't like them. What's there to damage to scoiety, which was already damaged from the start?

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Ouch, now i am spoiling Trein's topic. Still have to get used to this site. It is way different from what i am used to.

Freedom: excellent advice, thanks a lot! I do play in a band by the way. But you're right, f*ck it, it'll happen when it does and I'll just keep doing massive amounts of drugs and have a good time till then (WARNING THAT WAS A JOKE lol).
And if you wanna learn play the guitar, start playing! You'll learn faster than you think.

Badjedidude:
I don't think you understand me. I'm not a guy who likes to screw some girl, dump her and brag to his friends about it the next day. Of course I know you have to work for your girlfriend, and of course I'm willing to do that if I genuinely like her. This is what I meant by "I don't mean as soon as you get a girlfriend abandon all effort to impress her".

And the thing about sex is, almost every girl at my school thinks I'm a whimp for being a virgin, and would rather screw some badass 24 year old dude for one night than have me as a nice 'cute' boyfriend and that's no generalization, it's true for my school and I know this out of experience. Girls are stupid that way, whatever. (<---- insert sarcasm) So it's kinda hard to find a girl who won't mind.

trein said:

And the thing about sex is, almost every girl at my school thinks I'm a whimp for being a virgin, and would rather screw some badass 24 year old dude for one night than have me as a nice 'cute' boyfriend and that's no generalization, it's true for my school and I know this out of experience. Girls are stupid that way, whatever. (<---- insert sarcasm) So it's kinda hard to find a girl who won't mind.

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Haha badass 24 year old... That's ME!

Well, honestly, I think that not EVERY girl feels that way. I think that many girls in your school might indeed want a nice guy like you, but they're afraid to because of what the "popular" girls think. They want to fit in, so they're hesitant to do anything that might make them stand out.

You should just go ahead and find a nice girl in your school and pursue her, and SHOW her that you're a nice dude and that you're not a whimp for being a virgin.

You're only kidding yourself if you don't think you have a problem. No, abusing drugs and/ or alcohol is not suddenly acceptable just because "everybody else" is doing it. Geeze. I need some public service announcement music up in here.

trein said:

I just wanna say that I don't have a drug problem. Besides, my friends get drunk or high just as much as or more than me, and so do their girlfriends. It's not a problem, we're just experimenting =)

Also, making up sex was something we did when we were 13/14. I know my friends are not virgins because I know their girlfriends. Apart from that some of them actually got laid at my birthday party, hahah.

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^^^LOL!!! Exactly.

nerdygirl said:

You're only kidding yourself if you don't think you have a problem. No, abusing drugs and/ or alcohol is not suddenly acceptable just because "everybody else" is doing it. Geeze. I need some public service announcement music up in here.

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A drug problem is when you are addicted to drugs, and they're affecting a large part of your life. I don't know why people always talk about "abusing" drugs when it's just occasional recreational use. I like to get high or drunk sometimes because it can enhance an already good time. I like to trip on shrooms because it can be an amazing experience that will make you understand yourself, people you're tripping with and the world on a whole new level. You'd have to try them to understand...

You don't get addicted to weed or shrooms (google it), and it's not affecting my life in a negative way. If I had a drug problem then half of Amsterdam would have a drug problem. But we're doing just fine here. Dutch drug tolerance policy = best! =D

Brian: I lawled.

But ANYWAYS guys, that didn't have anything to do with the topic and I'm kinda feeling better. So thanks everyone!

Oh, sweetie... If you understand yourself and the world so well, you shouldn't be here asking about how to seduce a girl and then get her to become your girlfriend. You also stated you use these things to escape the world. In your eyes, the rest of the world starts doing drugs, getting drunk, and having sex while they're still children and that is A-OK. Your perception of the world is warped, whether you think so or not.

Brian said:

trein said:

I just wanna say that I don't have a drug problem. Besides, my friends get drunk or high just as much as or more than me, and so do their girlfriends. It's not a problem, we're just experimenting =)

Also, making up sex was something we did when we were 13/14. I know my friends are not virgins because I know their girlfriends. Apart from that some of them actually got laid at my birthday party, hahah.

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No country for old men, that's one of my favourite movies!

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trein said:

A drug problem is when you are addicted to drugs, and they're affecting a large part of your life. I don't know why people always talk about "abusing" drugs when it's just occasional recreational use. I like to get high or drunk sometimes because it can enhance an already good time. I like to trip on shrooms because it can be an amazing experience that will make you understand yourself, people you're tripping with and the world on a whole new level. You'd have to try them to understand...

You don't get addicted to weed or shrooms (google it), and it's not affecting my life in a negative way. If I had a drug problem then half of Amsterdam would have a drug problem. But we're doing just fine here. Dutch drug tolerance policy = best! =D

Brian: I lawled.

But ANYWAYS guys, that didn't have anything to do with the topic and I'm kinda feeling better. So thanks everyone!

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Ik kom ook uit Nederland. Vandaar dus mijn naam.

I have heard a lot of bad news about weed. People can get serious psychiatric problems if they use it everyday. There is a chance it will get outlawed in Holland.

And all people think different, so there must be enough girls who want you. I used to work at a school, and it is really amazing how different people are if you are around 500 of them and know them a bit.