I
iHateMyLife
Guest
My current life sucks. I don't have a group of friends that I can hang out with anytime that will make me feel happy. I remember when I was younger I had many friends while growing up. But my family had to move a few times because my dad was in the Army and I lost all my old friends and had to keep making new ones. Also, while growing up, I noticed that my mother was an alcoholic and she would always drink and gamble her money away when my father was out of town and working. I am 23 years old and do in fact live with my mother. Yes, she still drinks and gambles her money away whenever my father is not home. I have a sister and she moved out of the house because of my mother. I thought that I loved my mom, but whenever I'm in the house feeling lonely and since I don't have any friends or places to go I feel miserable. I mean, I do have a few accomplishments that I did reach. I just graduated from a 4 year college and received my B.A., and 2 years ago received my A.A. I was staying home while attending school full time. But I cannot find a **** job in this area, nor do i have any friends of people to network with in order to help make this job process quicker. On top of that about a month ago my mother almost died because she fell down a flight of steps in the house backwards onto her head. I should have helped her up the stairs but knowing that she always constantly drinks and bothers me about stupid honeysuckle when she is drunk I didn't even help her up the steps. To make things worse, she blamed that I pushed her and these are her quotes "drunk people have better memory than sober people," and she blames her fall because I was in the house. I felt a cold shot through my heart that my mother would say something like this. My father is always out of town working and for all the years that I've been having this struggle with my mother my father does not know anything. She only knows the main reason why my sister left. I've been pondering the idea of just enlisting into the military, though I would feel that I just wasted 5 years of my life trying to get this stupid useless B.A. For the few people that I do consider "friends," they have told me to keep searching for a job, move out, or try to work things out with my mother. I've been trying for many months now and I just can't pack up and leave when I cannot find a job. Some of you reading might think that I have no problem but I know I do. Even during college while at parties and social gatherings I always felt depressed. I never had a relationship with another girl before. I used to be a fat ass, but now I am in great shape, but that doesn't change honeysuckle if I still have no confidence in myself with whatever I do. Man, I could go on and on about my horrible life and some of you might not even care or will try to help me. I don't know what to do right now. Life sucks. I wish I could just move out of the USA and live in the mountains of Africa in isolation or something. By the way sorry for my bad typing. I typed this thing up very fast and I am very depressed right now. I just got into another big argument with my mother. I think I might have something called a bi polar disorder because I've been researching that a lot lately and I seem to have every noticeable symptom.