Life sucks

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iHateMyLife

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My current life sucks. I don't have a group of friends that I can hang out with anytime that will make me feel happy. I remember when I was younger I had many friends while growing up. But my family had to move a few times because my dad was in the Army and I lost all my old friends and had to keep making new ones. Also, while growing up, I noticed that my mother was an alcoholic and she would always drink and gamble her money away when my father was out of town and working. I am 23 years old and do in fact live with my mother. Yes, she still drinks and gambles her money away whenever my father is not home. I have a sister and she moved out of the house because of my mother. I thought that I loved my mom, but whenever I'm in the house feeling lonely and since I don't have any friends or places to go I feel miserable. I mean, I do have a few accomplishments that I did reach. I just graduated from a 4 year college and received my B.A., and 2 years ago received my A.A. I was staying home while attending school full time. But I cannot find a **** job in this area, nor do i have any friends of people to network with in order to help make this job process quicker. On top of that about a month ago my mother almost died because she fell down a flight of steps in the house backwards onto her head. I should have helped her up the stairs but knowing that she always constantly drinks and bothers me about stupid honeysuckle when she is drunk I didn't even help her up the steps. To make things worse, she blamed that I pushed her and these are her quotes "drunk people have better memory than sober people," and she blames her fall because I was in the house. I felt a cold shot through my heart that my mother would say something like this. My father is always out of town working and for all the years that I've been having this struggle with my mother my father does not know anything. She only knows the main reason why my sister left. I've been pondering the idea of just enlisting into the military, though I would feel that I just wasted 5 years of my life trying to get this stupid useless B.A. For the few people that I do consider "friends," they have told me to keep searching for a job, move out, or try to work things out with my mother. I've been trying for many months now and I just can't pack up and leave when I cannot find a job. Some of you reading might think that I have no problem but I know I do. Even during college while at parties and social gatherings I always felt depressed. I never had a relationship with another girl before. I used to be a fat ass, but now I am in great shape, but that doesn't change honeysuckle if I still have no confidence in myself with whatever I do. Man, I could go on and on about my horrible life and some of you might not even care or will try to help me. I don't know what to do right now. Life sucks. I wish I could just move out of the USA and live in the mountains of Africa in isolation or something. By the way sorry for my bad typing. I typed this thing up very fast and I am very depressed right now. I just got into another big argument with my mother. I think I might have something called a bi polar disorder because I've been researching that a lot lately and I seem to have every noticeable symptom.
 
Hi and welcome to the forum.
Sounds like your going through a real struggle. Have you ever tried to talk to your mother about her drinking problem when she is sober?
Have you ever spoken to your father about your mothers drinking problem? It maybe worth a try. And yes you will find people on this forum who do care and are willing to give you help advice and support.
As for looking for a job, it's something that you have to persist with, I am looking for work at the moment and it can be frustrating, interview after interview, but I won't give up until I reach my goal.
 
Hello IHML,

Welcome. What is your BA and AA in? Are you against moving away from your mother? You seem to have a strong sense of family and loyalty by staying with your mother, even with all of the hardship. That's a wonderful character trait to have. I admire you for it. I find myself to be a bit cold at times.
 
Hey I Hate,

Life DOES suck sometimes.

But it can also be WONDERFUL.

You deserve better than your current lot in life.

Please DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT join the military!
 
Oh Yes.

What an alcoholic might say could be a real verbal tongue lashing, but what she says may be rooted in bitterness.

Don't allow her angry words to hurt you.

It is NOT your fault that she's an alcoholic.

It is NOT your fault that she fell.

Did you WANT her to fall? Did you trip her?

Maybe you were just not in the mood to take honeysuckle from her.

I don't remember how old you are, but it's time to move out and live on your own and not live in this dysfunctional situation anymore.

If there are no jobs in your town, MOVE! I have millions of ideas and I've done research on the best places to live.

Keep your chin up and keep fighting the good fight.

Hugs,

LG
 
If you are really intrested in joining military with a BA degree you could be an officer. You would start around 36k a year with some very nice benfits. You would also be able to get money either to pay off any student loans you might have or get more money to go to even more school if thats something you would like to do. If you want to find out more infomation I would suggest either going to a navy or airforce recruiter I suggest these two because they are the branchs pretty much where smart people go. You would probaly never see any combat which is a plus. You would also gain some very valuble training in nearly any field you would like.

On a personal note I was in the army for 3 years and it was pretty much the only time in my life I didn't feel lonely I met a ton of cool guys and felt like I belonged somewhere.
 
Oh just noticed you brought up you might think you have bipolar disorder here is a link to a test. Now this test isn't to see if you have bipolar for sure it is to see you might have bipolar. If it comes up you might then you should either see a doctor or psychiatrist. They would be able to greatly help you if you do have bipolar it is a horrible disease but through proper medication and counseling it can be dealth with fine. I work at a state hospital so I have a little experince with bipolar and I have seen maybe people with sevre bipolar that through medication and counseling are now living very happy lives.
 
Josh.

I vehemently have to disagree. He may be able to be an officer, but it's not worth risking his life in this sham war in Iraq.
 
lonelygirl said:
Josh.

I vehemently have to disagree. He may be able to be an officer, but it's not worth risking his life in this sham war in Iraq.

Well thats why I did suggest navy or airforce pretty much you have more of a chance of dieing here in states in a car wreck or something like that then over there the airforce and navy don't do much hands on over there.
 
I've actually talked to my mother whenever she isn't sober and her attitude is worse and she never tries to listen. I don't want to tell my father of all the honeysuckle I've been through with her while he's away because he might get worried and have to quit his job. He is making good money right now and he actually needs the job. I haven't spoke to my mom in a few days, and I haven't eaten any food in a few days as well. I got a major throbbing headache, not sure if it's because I am trying to starve myself to death. I still love my mother no matter what but I need to get away and start my own life. Anyway, I thought about the military for a while and actually I got it narrowed down to the Army, Navy, or the Air force. I was going to join the marines a few years ago just to get the hell out of here, but I ended up going back to school and finishing up my B.A. I didn't think about going in as an officer, but I guess I could be qualified as one if I have done rotc. I don't know much about the process and all. I wouldn't mind joining the military and actually going to Iraq. At least it would be much better than staying here right now and doing nothing with my life. By the way I have my A.A. in business, and B.A. in Marketing & Film. Maybe if I lived in LA or a bigger city jobs would be much easier to find. Currently I am looking at 2 possible jobs for the federal government and in the past I have had no luck at all getting these types of jobs. Maybe it's because I don't have much of a resume because of I lack some professional experience. I hope I might be able to get these jobs and will think optimistically even though life sucks ass right now.
 
I know what you mean.

Been there, done that, and got the t-shirt!

I was a fat, depressed, sexually frustrated housewife just a few short months ago.

Um not like I'm thin and powerful NOW but I'm slowly, slowly, taking baby steps.

PLEASE don't say you would go to Iraq! That is essentially suicide, and what a waste of a good young man!

If you need to get the hell out of Dodge, how about you join the Peace Corps and do volunteer work in some fascinating, exotic, tropical country? I have several other interesting programs you could do, PM me if curious.

Life is hard, but it can be soooo good. Please don't give up so young, when you haven't had a chance to taste many of life's exquisite pleasures.
 
Your home life does seem the clearest of your woes.

As I understand it, you are still socially isolated because you did not become popular in college in order to network.

You say that you now are fit, but you do not attempt to leverage that for dating, because of problems with confidence of which you do not specify. And you also do not explain why you aren't eating.

Nevertheless, honestly, your fantasy of a vacation sleeping on the beach on a tropical island, does seem somewhat less drastic an alternative than enlistment.
 
Well it wasn't that easy talking to random people during college. I went through college just being a good student and doing all of my work. I didn't get to meet many people because I was trying to keep my **** GPA up so high. I wish I could go back and say screw some of my classes and should have attended more parties. Maybe I could have met more females acquaintances and started some long-term friendships. Usually in college people meet the their life-long best friends or future lovers. But to tell you the truth, I wasn't that interested in starting a relationship and I feel the same way right now. I haven't had a long-term relationship before and don't care for it right now with some female, I just want some true friends, it doesn't have to be a love affair for me. Even though I do feel like having that significant other in my life. Maybe when I start making some good money after finding myself a decent job, I can then come across a lady who wants breast implants, versace clothing, a nice luxury car or something LOL just kidding. Yes, I might currently be in good shape right now, but a relationship isn't my main priority, I just need to deal with some of this other crap first. As for going into isolation in Africa, I was only kidding, but I'm pretty sure that would actually be better than this hell I am currently living. Anybody here live in Australia or some cool place in Europe? I hope to travel sometime soon. I always wanted to travel and would love to visit the many exotic lands of the world. Perhaps, I should sell my car that I barely drive right now and buy a cheaper one and use that extra money to travel?
 
Do ya ever get suicidal thoughts? Lately it's been more in my mind, been trying to figure out what's the best and painless way to do it.
 
If you have already decided to die, then you are completely free do anything else, first, with no worry of burdensome future consequences to yourself. So, what do you want?
 
Hey, dude. I just joined this forum a while ago and I have to say I've already found some people who know what's going on with me.

I can totally sympathize with your situation. I too have a useless B.A. and I'm struggling terribly to pay back the debts I accrued from it. Consider yourself lucky if you're not dealing with that. It's incredibly stressful.

I know what it's like to have a f*cked up mom. I never found out what was wrong with mine but she was horrible. She didn't drink but she was terribly depressive, controlling, and unemotional. She was just plain mental. I never knew either of my parents. They lived with me my entire childhood but both were incredibly distant. I feel like an orphan. Some of my family has tried to reach out to them but I've had quite enough. They screwed my life up enough as it is. I haven't spoken to them in over 3 years and I'm quite happy with that decision. You might want to do the same. I know you said you love your mother, but you're going to have to give her a reason to straighten out. Tell her straight out that you are willing to help her but that if she doesn't make any effort to help herself then she is going to lose you. It sounds cruel, but I think it's for the best. If you don't get away from that you are going to be messing yourself up. I'm incredibly lonely and depressed myself. I blame my parents a lot for that. But I've realized that I have to live past the past and move forward which means leaving them behind. I think I've been a lot better off for it.

Oh, and I too have considered joining the military just for the travel aspect. I would advise against it. Just look how they are treating our troops abroad and when they come home. Imagine feeling the way you do now without a leg. Now that will screw you up.
 
Frankly, I'd enjoy nothing better than a serious discussion upon career options.
 
Hi iHateMyLife,

My advice would be to first of all tell yourself that you want to live! Then I would say don't worry about anything your mother says but be polite to her or else she'll just try to make it harder for you. I would also suggest NOT indulging in any research about possible psychiatric problems. I think that anyone who does that long enough can easily find 5 or so disorders that apply to them. I think putting those efforts instead into finding a job would be best, then you'll at least be talking to some more people which will make you feel more normal, and can then move out on your own.
 

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