In touch with your femenine side = Loneliness

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.

IVIZ

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 5, 2010
Messages
122
Reaction score
0
Hello, I'm writing and posting this as a way to vent off and maybe get some feedback on what people may think of my situation. I don't have the money to pay for a shrink, and I'm pretty sure no one here knows me so I don't see any harm in putting down some personal life issues in the pursuit of understanding. Just letting ya know, this is hard to describe and put in words.

Alright, I've been doing a lot of thinking and "soul searching", and have been tracking down my past for the purpose of understanding why I am who I've become. Well, I've come to an understanding that I, being a man, have developed and adopted a number of femenine features and traits, without me consciously knowing about it.

No I'm not a homosexual, trust me I'm pretty sure of that :D . But I guess I'll start for the beginning; I am the the only son of four kids. I have three sisters, One older than me and two younger than me. I guess I would isolate myself from the family pack because I was different. I didn't have the same interest as my sisters when I was a kid. My father, wasn't well much of a father. He was the provider of the family, so he was there but I didn't really bond with him (EVER), plus during my preteen and early teen years, he was absent for them because of being locked in prison. My mother was there too, I never did get a close bond with her either. But she was mostly available to me, I did get a lot of love from her. I was an obedient child becuase I was well aware of how tough it was to live and have good finance to survive confortably in this world, and me being obedient was the best way I could think of to get through the rough times. Most of the times I had problems I would keep them to myself because I could easily tell that they had enough on their plate as it already was, with their own financial problems and marriage and my sisters problems on top of it (oldest sister always had a mental illness problem). I sort of became like a "silent sufferer", so whatever I could hold on my own, so to not bring crumbling down my parents burdens, I didn't say a word of my afflictions (school, home, friends, anywhere), they were for me to bear, I felt that was the least I could do to not harden their heavy load. But thats besides the point of the main topic and title of this thread.

Now as I grew older (going into elementary school), I learned how boys are ment to be the dominant ones. But I also saw that they were cruel and harsh and abusive towards woman. I loved my sisters, even though I never became attached to them or bonded with them emotionally. I cared for them dearly, I then had a sort of passion of an idea, like a promise, that I would not become like one of these horrible men that mistreat woman. I thought it was an inevitable curse for a boy to become a ruthless man. I promised myself that I would not become like the poison or the problem of this world. But wait, why was I thinking this way???? Why was I putting myself in a girls shoes, saying that I will not be transformed into a "monster"???? I've seen more and more how I became so unattached to the way a man is suppost to be like in this world and it has cost me dearly in relationships. But there's more to it than that; Since I was an obedient kid, and my father was not around (prison) as I went into my teenage years. My mother would tell me to treat girls nicely, with respect and never do such and such bad things to them. I took it as the kind of advice you would tell if.... as if she was telling a dog not to bite someone he didn't like. I thought she was giving me advice so I wouldn't fall into the world and a role of an abusing man as I got older. She also asked me and told me not to have any girlfriends at the young age that I was because she said she couldn't be able to bear the burden of having me get into that kind of trouble. So I was obedient, I followed what she told me, I'm not sure if I would have done the same if my father was around to help us at the time, (to help me at the most needed time). There were a few girls in school that I liked, I never did anything to get their attention or get involved with them. I didn't see it as my best interest to do so. One time my mouth slipped out talking to a friend saying that I like a girl, she was actually very close by and could hear our conversation, later she was stalking me, I was very flattered for that age and she would ask me to be her boyfriend, I would embarrasly decline, I didn't want to even say why, I liked her, she was pretty, but there was a loyalty to my mother that blocked me from getting involved with a girlfriend at that age. I never really knew what to do, I didn't get anything, no progress, I was always different, and I was getting to realise that I was isolating myself from other boys and girls from me. I would see them advance, but I stayed the same in live. I didn't see myself jumping ahead like others.

Going into middle school, I was always given the impression from everyone and all kinds of media that everyone should be treated equally, and this included woman. Meaning that men should treat woman equally to them. It seemed like this was always shoved down my throat, but it looked like it was only me that was being struck by it. No other boy that I saw looked like he even payed attention to all the bombarding info of how everyone should be treated equally. I guess stupid me always being obedient from a child, I took it seriously. But I saw that this was a huge mistake, I would see how other boys wouldn't give care to the notion and were being rewarded by it. Girls would praise boys for being well boys, I didn't understand why I wasn't working right with the idea that everyone I see and meet should be treated equally. Well this just messed up everythings going on down. Middle school was the worst years of my life! I didn't understand what wrong turn I made in life that I did to make me end up a looser and failure! I hardly had any friends, I actually would get close to a crowd of kids I thought would be friendly from class, and hopefully they would accept me in their clic, but I was always out of the circle, and for the love of God I wouldn't understand how I got this way. I wanted to have a girlfriend but it seemed like I missed a step of two in developement that I didn't find it comprihendible on how to even manage to get one. I was so lost!

During high school, I had it! I was so misserable in middle school, that in high school, I knew I had to make a change! But even though I changed my appearance and how I behaved, I couldn't change the way I thought. I wanted to be with someone, that was my goal during high school. I was the nice kid, thats all I knew, thats how I grew up. I couldn't get myself to be someone else. I couldn't even think of how to deceive a girl into falling in love with me just for my selfish needs. I wanted love, true love. So I kept doing what I knew, but it never worked for me, I just didn't do it right. When I would talk to a girl, (even today) I seem to get close to her and feel for her, but not it the right way that I wanted to be. I was feeling for her and wanting to help her with her problems than to actually be there for her romanticaly. Its like if your sitting in a table and you have the girl sitting in one chair, I would always find myself sitting and talking right next to the girl, not in front of her on the other side of the table, where a man should be, where he can actually be there for her romantically, and be able to fufill her needs in a more sexual relationship theme. NO I ALWAYS SEEM TO ALWAYS SIT NEXT TO THEM! As if I want to help them, but they would only see me as a friend and someone whos there that cares for them, But not a man that can TAKE CARE or them. I always found it disturbing to play the "game". I didn't even want to enter this STUPID SYSTEM!!! I hated it, I was told that all I needed to do was be a nice person and care for others, and the same will be done for you. This as been my worst mistakes I could ever have considered to be a part of me! I never wanted to hurt a girls loving soul. I knew that I would only do that if I made her have feelings for me. But at the same time I knew that I was such a great person that I knew that wouldn't happen. All High school I was alone, I dont think it was my worst years because I was confident in myself, but I was alone, wondering how did I get to be so lonely. What did I do wrong?

After High school, I've been trying to find out why is it that I'm such a loner in life. I thought I struck gold, when I bumped into a wonderful girl that needed help. So I helped her every possible way I could. She was the only and serious relationship I've been in my entire life. But I've been feeling empty, life it I don't have all of my gadgets in my utility belt. I felt like I didn't and haven't yet mastered everything I needed to keep a relationship going. I was right, the relationship fell, because I never learned how to actually treat a worman the way a woman was suppost to be treated. I was treating her likyle my equal, big mistake. I was treating her nicely and caring, big mistake. I wasn't there for her as a man, I was there for her as a human, but she wanted a man. I am still not a man, I don't really consider myself a man...

I AM HUMAN!





THere is a lot I still needed to write and put down, but its getting late and I just wanted to vent this stress of life. Thankyou for reading. Sorry if nothing that I wrote makes sense.
 
Maybe you're gay and haven't realized it yet. *shrug* It's possible, ain't it?

Aside from that, I can only suggest hanging around the type of men you want to be like. After spending enough time with a group of guys, you'll find that you start acting and thinking like they do more and more through natural sharing of behaviors and ideas.
 
I'm not gay. I desire pussy! Boobs, and legs and ass. Sexually wise, I dont think I'm gay.

But behavior wise I'm not a manly. That still doesn't mean I'm gay.
 
^^^Lol ok, ok, calm down, big guy. No insult intended. Dun go start a thread about it. :p

Like I said, it might be a good idea to find a group of guys that you consider "manly" and hang out with them a lot.
 
Some dudes just don't act like a typical man. And there's nothing wrong with that. Some women prefer their men not to be so manly.
 
I see everyone as corrupt. I dont want a role model. I've already tried being with a group of manly guys. I would feel as the enemy, not one of them. but thats how i perceive it. I know its not. I just feel out of place, and seem to block myself from becoming corrupt i guess.

I am so sexually fustrated!!! I can talk to woman, but I cant seem to get them to see me as a partner and not as a friend. I have a disturbing feeling for trying to be like other men and play the game to fool girls into love just to fulfill their sexual needs. Hense my conflict within me.
 
im not into a lot of "guy" things. i dont care about sports, cars/bikes, or guns/hunting or the milirary. im also not feminine at all nor do act so. im just not into that stuff. i love animals and think honeysuckle like kittens are cute as hell, lol. im not the type to be a dick to women either. i dont want just random sex. maybe its because ive never had it but id be totally ok with "cuddling" and would actually like to. i guess the only guy things i like are metal music and sci-fi stuff, as much as the next guy anyway.

my point is, it takes all kinds to make the world go round. just be you.
 
Agree on edgecrusher... why try to be somebody you are not iviz? From the way you describe yourself you sound like a decent man. Why try to change something that is good? There is a big difference between being in touch with your feminine side and effeminate behavior. I actually think it is attractive for a man to be in touch with his feminine side.

I think your feelings of isolation has nothing to do with your feminine side but more on your upbringing. You detach yourself from people around you because you are used to keeping things to yourself. I guess the real issue here is that you cannot let go and share your feelings with people around you in real life. No one can connect with you because you don't let them, you thought helping out and caring is IT but it's not cos you need to be taken cared of too.
 
IVIZ--
You sound like a man with a very gentle and compassionate nature. Maybe you might want to try seeking hobbies that will put you in touch with a gentler and more compassionate group of folks both male and female. I am a teacher by trade but an artist by passion. I find the arts community to be more accepting and far more open to diversity in individuals. I think many artists crave contact with folks who fall outside the socieital "ideals" of what's shown in the media to be, "what we SHOULD want"

I knew a fellow who sounded very similar to you, who took some metal smithing classes and discovered he had a real talent for it. That led him to haunting flee markets, buying old silverware, that he then tuned into beautiful exotic jewlrey. He then sold it at different venues on the weekends, he worked daily as a factory worker. His interests in art led him to a new group of friends and eventually to a lovely young woman. I believe their relationship is still going strong.

I can also say from experience that nothing works like a people magnet more than taking a sketchbook into a busy park or other public setting and just sitting somewhere and try to sketch something. it doesn't have to be good, it just has to be...Folks will wander over just out of curiosity. I was never looking for companionship when I did this, but more than one nice man came by and struck up a curious conversation. I made some pretty nice friends just by sitting and sketching. I'm not the worlds best sketcher either....

Also, never be afraid to smile at folks. I think a nice smile makes any face irresistable...Good luck in finding your happiness. I think you sound like a great person!
 
IVIZ said:
I am still not a man, I don't really consider myself a man...

Growing up, i heard so much crap from various sources, about about what a "man" was. So many self serving definitions. Many conflicting ones. It is even a value judgmental to many. When i was still in my early teens, i realized that whatever it meant to people, i really didn't care. I had no desire to fit the image of these peoples' world view.
 
^^Yeah, what Minus said.

It looks to me - and I accept I could be very wrong about about this, so I apologize if I am - is that you've become trapped in thinking that there is set of stereotypical roles than men and woman must rigidly adhere to in their interactions with each other. Now of course, I understand that certain ...well, I suppose that you could call them 'codes' ... exist, but I think you're taking them a little too far, to the extent that you are inadvertantly placing women on a pedestal.

For example, I was struck by what you wrote about how a man should be sitting at a table with a women. You know, Iviz ... it really ain't that important. I understand what you say about women needing to be respected, to be treated like and equal - but I think you've become a little obsessed by the idea, to the extent that it's become like a variation of Orwell's famous quote: 'All people are equal, but women are more equal than others.' Do you get what I'm saying? I'm thinking you've become too caught up in the concept of it, rather than the everyday reality.

I hope this doesn't seem harsh - it is not my intent to offend, only offer a suggestion as to what I think may be the root of your present difficulties. Again, I accept I could be wrong, and I apologize if I am.

As for a practical solution: I think it may be time just to find a good female pal. If you can, see if you can click with a girl that you are not very attracted to. If possible, hang out with her for a while, tell jokes, josh around with each other a bit. In time, you may come to see that this girl, like any other, can fart*, honeysuckle, burp and be as much of an ass as any man; after which, you may have a more everyday outlook on things, and see that men and women really have a lot in common, and are a hell of a lot more equal than you may already believe.

*My ex used to do the most enormous and frequent farts, BTW. Many was the time I feared she might turn herself inside out by the sheer force of them. She told me that when we were dating, she used to have to hold them in until a truck went past. Jesus, poor girl - and there was me thinking that she used to have a truck fetish because of the big grin that used to come over her face every time one went by...
 
I'm in agreement with Electric.

Iviz, I'm going to be honest and a bit tough on you here -- You Are WAY Overthinking This. Like Electric said, I also think that you are trapped into constantly thinking about "this is how men are, and how men are supposed to act" and "this is how women are, and how women are supposed to act." I'm of the opinion that people spend way too much energy talking about the differences between men and women. And obviously there ARE differences (aside from physically), but it's not so rigid as people think it is.

For example, I'm very much female, I'm definitely not a transsexual or anything, but I don't fit a lot of the female stereotypes. Online, people often think I'm male because of something about my writing style (I guess?). I'd rather be watching football than shopping. I've seriously thought about joining the military. I don't ever wear makeup or skirts. I actively avoid the color pink. I don't automatically think children are adorable. I make male friends easier than female friends because we often have more to talk about. But I also love musicals and chocolate, and I'm obsessed with my hair. But frankly none of this bothers me...I don't go around thinking about how a woman should act, and how I expect men to act around me. People are people. I'm in a wonderful relationship, and we don't go around thinking about what a man's role is and what a woman's role is, what we could be doing that would make us more equal or less equal, or whatever. I think the only way our gender even matters is in terms of attraction. Roles and interests don't matter.

Although I think of myself as a "feminist," I don't really like to use that term because I associate the visible feminists as people that just think about the world in terms of the sexes way too much.

I think your subject heading is telling. When I read your actual post, I saw nothing in there that made me think, "your feminine side." Just because you want to be caring and treat women as equals doesn't make you feminine. Listen very carefully: Ironically, I think you're buying into the very thing you want to fight against. Not every girl wants to be "taken care of." Some do, yes, and there's not much you can do about that. But if a girl wants a "manly man" and you want an equal, then obviously you're not compatible! Find a girl who also wants an equal. You see what's going on here?: You're obsessed with the idea of wanting to treat women like equals, but you're still falling into the trap of making broad generalizations in terms of "what women want." You think you're not a man...well, you are. You don't have to be "manly" to be a man, just like I don't have to be girly to be a woman.

Just...be. And let others Just Be too. It's actually pretty simple, so stop making it so complicated.
 
ThinkPositive said:
Just...be. And let others Just Be too. It's actually pretty simple, so stop making it so complicated.

Indeed. I don't act like a typical female. I've never been girly. Doesn't mean I'm a lesbian.
 
Hi-
Interesting thread, IVIZ. Just because you haven't yet found the right tribe to hang with or the right woman doesn't mean you're broken or afflicted. I think being masculine vs. feminine is on a spectrum and not necessarily either/or. Some men are comfortable behaving very masculine, some women are comfortable acting very feminine and the majority of us fall somewhere in between. I've also heard that the same gender parent is our biggest role model, for better or worse. I'm wondering if your father was in prison for violence? There may be some connection there between your father's lifestyle and how you want to live your life. I'm not sure how old you are but I suspect you're somewhere in your 20s (?). As you get older and more comfortable in your own skin, you may be more willing to try new things and not care how you fit in or what other people think.

Teresa
 
*hugs iviz*

first I want to commenerate and praise you for being a good person first and treating girls with kindness that is very important.

2nd you would not have wanted to have a girlfriend in middle school, because well girls crazy and pretty stupid in middle school they don't know what they want or whats good for them. They just want what the media tells them to want, so there all like " oohh you play basketball, listen to rap ,music and wear your pants really low, i want you soo much"

see stupid you would have never gotten a meaningful or fulfilling relationship in middle school

and trust me you're not alone on this, there are tons of sweet caring guys deserving of a hot loving relationship like you that are single :(

and this is mainly due to unfrortunatly that love is blind and stupid. It's all been embedded in our biology through evolution back in the olden days. females would need an alpha male testoterone ridden douschbag jock to protect the family from wooly mamoths and such.

Today we don't need them, but our hormones, and evolutionary instincts tell us we still do. So females go out and date the "badboy" aka alpah dick. And things are great for a while, but it is the alpha dicks evolutionary instinct to move on and mate with as many females as possible, and it's pretty much a vicious cycle, and the girl always ends up knee deep in ice cream ( the breakdown of the glucose in ice cream creates seratonin, making the female feel temporarly better) until the female needs emotional and finaicial stability.

( it's also been biologically embedded in humans that men are attractive to hot young females ( most likely able to produce healthy and viable offspring) And aside from badboys, females are attracted to money, rich guys, though probably not counsciously, like subcounsiously they find them attractive because they are rich. Therefore more likely to provide nesceitaites, such as food, shelter ( big ass manson) and an ass kicking wardrobe.)
Which is why later on in life the rich nerdy guys score the hot Swedish models as wifes

So my point being the nice guys start off a little later in the game until females mature mentally a little more. But keep at it, and I'm sure you'll find a sweet attractive sexy and intellegent girl that will love you and appreciate you

good luck ( and let me know if she ends up having a hot bi curious sister :p)

also if you could take the time to appreciate my awesome if not typo ridden lecture of the evolutionary psychology analysis of the modern day relationship,

by professor evanescence

:p

thankyou

:D

VanillaCreme Wrote:
Doesn't mean I'm a lesbian.

But it would be awesome if you were.

And in a relationship with, oh, say... Eve, to take name at random.

and yes that would be awesome :p,
thanks for the suggestion bad jedi due :D
but don't worry cream I know you're straight

:)
 
Thanks for the replies. But I seem to be getting a lot of mixed feelings from posters. The guys think I'm putting girls on a pedistal and most of the girls are thanking me for being different. Thankyou for all the advice, there was a lot more to it than that, a lot more I left out (many femenine traits that I am both ashamed and unfully aware of yet) I guess thats why I want to understand girls better in an emotional level, instead of a romantic level. I am a very difficult person to understand or even express myself in words. I'm not sure if any of the factors in my life if were changed, (like my dad, being more around my life or even having a brother) that I would turn out the same way I am today. I'm 25 yrs old at the moment. I feel that I am finally mature at this age to start thinking what made me this way and why have my mistakes in decision making made me who I am today. I want to change who I am, I am unhappy. I feel my life has pounded me into this path that I took and I had no actual control over it. I feel that because of my defects in myself, I never overcame them, thats whats gotten so wrong. I feared too much. I still fear, everyone does, I don't wish to be alone. I've been alone before, its not a happy life. I need companionship, so I need to change, not for the worse, not to the person that I feared to become since a little boy, but as a MAN who can "take care" of his only mate. Yes we are animals, but we don't need to act like animals. Sadly I'm well aware of the reality of how young girls these days are not thinking about a true relationship until their like in their late 30s. But I can't wait for that, I need to find myself in order to find her, the person I CAN BE AND BECOME! A great person.

Well, I know and am discovering my path in life as I ponder and look through my own soul. Thankyou for your replies, I've read them all and have given thought to all of them. As I mentioned before, I'm writing this for the purpose of phsychologic healing and venting, also for the fantastic feedback!
 
IVIZ said:
Hello, I'm writing and posting this as a way to vent off and maybe get some feedback on what people may think of my situation. I don't have the money to pay for a shrink, and I'm pretty sure no one here knows me so I don't see any harm in putting down some personal life issues in the pursuit of understanding. Just letting ya know, this is hard to describe and put in words.

Alright, I've been doing a lot of thinking and "soul searching", and have been tracking down my past for the purpose of understanding why I am who I've become. Well, I've come to an understanding that I, being a man, have developed and adopted a number of femenine features and traits, without me consciously knowing about it.

No I'm not a homosexual, trust me I'm pretty sure of that :D . But I guess I'll start for the beginning; I am the the only son of four kids. I have three sisters, One older than me and two younger than me. I guess I would isolate myself from the family pack because I was different. I didn't have the same interest as my sisters when I was a kid. My father, wasn't well much of a father. He was the provider of the family, so he was there but I didn't really bond with him (EVER), plus during my preteen and early teen years, he was absent for them because of being locked in prison. My mother was there too, I never did get a close bond with her either. But she was mostly available to me, I did get a lot of love from her. I was an obedient child becuase I was well aware of how tough it was to live and have good finance to survive confortably in this world, and me being obedient was the best way I could think of to get through the rough times. Most of the times I had problems I would keep them to myself because I could easily tell that they had enough on their plate as it already was, with their own financial problems and marriage and my sisters problems on top of it (oldest sister always had a mental illness problem). I sort of became like a "silent sufferer", so whatever I could hold on my own, so to not bring crumbling down my parents burdens, I didn't say a word of my afflictions (school, home, friends, anywhere), they were for me to bear, I felt that was the least I could do to not harden their heavy load. But thats besides the point of the main topic and title of this thread.

Now as I grew older (going into elementary school), I learned how boys are ment to be the dominant ones. But I also saw that they were cruel and harsh and abusive towards woman. I loved my sisters, even though I never became attached to them or bonded with them emotionally. I cared for them dearly, I then had a sort of passion of an idea, like a promise, that I would not become like one of these horrible men that mistreat woman. I thought it was an inevitable curse for a boy to become a ruthless man. I promised myself that I would not become like the poison or the problem of this world. But wait, why was I thinking this way???? Why was I putting myself in a girls shoes, saying that I will not be transformed into a "monster"???? I've seen more and more how I became so unattached to the way a man is suppost to be like in this world and it has cost me dearly in relationships. But there's more to it than that; Since I was an obedient kid, and my father was not around (prison) as I went into my teenage years. My mother would tell me to treat girls nicely, with respect and never do such and such bad things to them. I took it as the kind of advice you would tell if.... as if she was telling a dog not to bite someone he didn't like. I thought she was giving me advice so I wouldn't fall into the world and a role of an abusing man as I got older. She also asked me and told me not to have any girlfriends at the young age that I was because she said she couldn't be able to bear the burden of having me get into that kind of trouble. So I was obedient, I followed what she told me, I'm not sure if I would have done the same if my father was around to help us at the time, (to help me at the most needed time). There were a few girls in school that I liked, I never did anything to get their attention or get involved with them. I didn't see it as my best interest to do so. One time my mouth slipped out talking to a friend saying that I like a girl, she was actually very close by and could hear our conversation, later she was stalking me, I was very flattered for that age and she would ask me to be her boyfriend, I would embarrasly decline, I didn't want to even say why, I liked her, she was pretty, but there was a loyalty to my mother that blocked me from getting involved with a girlfriend at that age. I never really knew what to do, I didn't get anything, no progress, I was always different, and I was getting to realise that I was isolating myself from other boys and girls from me. I would see them advance, but I stayed the same in live. I didn't see myself jumping ahead like others.

Going into middle school, I was always given the impression from everyone and all kinds of media that everyone should be treated equally, and this included woman. Meaning that men should treat woman equally to them. It seemed like this was always shoved down my throat, but it looked like it was only me that was being struck by it. No other boy that I saw looked like he even payed attention to all the bombarding info of how everyone should be treated equally. I guess stupid me always being obedient from a child, I took it seriously. But I saw that this was a huge mistake, I would see how other boys wouldn't give care to the notion and were being rewarded by it. Girls would praise boys for being well boys, I didn't understand why I wasn't working right with the idea that everyone I see and meet should be treated equally. Well this just messed up everythings going on down. Middle school was the worst years of my life! I didn't understand what wrong turn I made in life that I did to make me end up a looser and failure! I hardly had any friends, I actually would get close to a crowd of kids I thought would be friendly from class, and hopefully they would accept me in their clic, but I was always out of the circle, and for the love of God I wouldn't understand how I got this way. I wanted to have a girlfriend but it seemed like I missed a step of two in developement that I didn't find it comprihendible on how to even manage to get one. I was so lost!

During high school, I had it! I was so misserable in middle school, that in high school, I knew I had to make a change! But even though I changed my appearance and how I behaved, I couldn't change the way I thought. I wanted to be with someone, that was my goal during high school. I was the nice kid, thats all I knew, thats how I grew up. I couldn't get myself to be someone else. I couldn't even think of how to deceive a girl into falling in love with me just for my selfish needs. I wanted love, true love. So I kept doing what I knew, but it never worked for me, I just didn't do it right. When I would talk to a girl, (even today) I seem to get close to her and feel for her, but not it the right way that I wanted to be. I was feeling for her and wanting to help her with her problems than to actually be there for her romanticaly. Its like if your sitting in a table and you have the girl sitting in one chair, I would always find myself sitting and talking right next to the girl, not in front of her on the other side of the table, where a man should be, where he can actually be there for her romantically, and be able to fufill her needs in a more sexual relationship theme. NO I ALWAYS SEEM TO ALWAYS SIT NEXT TO THEM! As if I want to help them, but they would only see me as a friend and someone whos there that cares for them, But not a man that can TAKE CARE or them. I always found it disturbing to play the "game". I didn't even want to enter this STUPID SYSTEM!!! I hated it, I was told that all I needed to do was be a nice person and care for others, and the same will be done for you. This as been my worst mistakes I could ever have considered to be a part of me! I never wanted to hurt a girls loving soul. I knew that I would only do that if I made her have feelings for me. But at the same time I knew that I was such a great person that I knew that wouldn't happen. All High school I was alone, I dont think it was my worst years because I was confident in myself, but I was alone, wondering how did I get to be so lonely. What did I do wrong?

After High school, I've been trying to find out why is it that I'm such a loner in life. I thought I struck gold, when I bumped into a wonderful girl that needed help. So I helped her every possible way I could. She was the only and serious relationship I've been in my entire life. But I've been feeling empty, life it I don't have all of my gadgets in my utility belt. I felt like I didn't and haven't yet mastered everything I needed to keep a relationship going. I was right, the relationship fell, because I never learned how to actually treat a worman the way a woman was suppost to be treated. I was treating her likyle my equal, big mistake. I was treating her nicely and caring, big mistake. I wasn't there for her as a man, I was there for her as a human, but she wanted a man. I am still not a man, I don't really consider myself a man...

I AM HUMAN!





THere is a lot I still needed to write and put down, but its getting late and I just wanted to vent this stress of life. Thankyou for reading. Sorry if nothing that I wrote makes sense.

its best to keep posts on the shorter side if you want contructive answers but everyone only turns out how their family mould and shape them but rule number one you dont want a feminine side and there is NO SUCH THING as true love . i dont know ANY people that would say they have true love. the best you can get is love but other people might have different opinions on that

hugs and kisses thats what makes the world go around and dont tell yourself you have feminine traits otherwise you will eventually believe it and dont give yourself a hard time thats the main thing
 
dude, get rid of the idea that you gotta take care of someone to get them to love you.

before someone loves you they have to have learned to love themselves... otherwise it becomes an abusive, manipulative, one-sided, unfair, parasitic MESS.

/speakingfromexperience

to be fair this:

"All you need to do is learn to go in for a kiss when you meet a girl hugs and kisses thats what makes the world go around and dont tell yourself you have feminine traits otherwise you will eventually believe it dont give yourself a hard time thats the main thing"

is pretty good advice.

But don't give up on true love, it does exist. It might not be a 'magic' cure-all that solves everything in your life, but it exists. Every time you see some old couple who've been together for their whole lives... that's true love. They might have had to work at it, have had arguments and fall-outs and fights and whatever... but it's WORK that makes true love, not magic.

I think that's my problem - I'm a lazy *******. ;)
 
huggybear said:
its best to keep posts on the shorter side if you want contructive answers but everyone only turns out how their family mould and shape them but rule number one you dont want a feminine side and there is NO SUCH THING as true love . i dont know ANY people that would say they have true love. the best you can get is love but other people might have different opinions on that

All you need to do is learn to go in for a kiss when you meet a girl hugs and kisses thats what makes the world go around and dont tell yourself you have feminine traits otherwise you will eventually believe it dont give yourself a hard time thats the main thing

Length of the post doesn't determine the value of the responses also run-on sentences don't really work sometimes either... I agree with him not telling himself he has feminine traits though. If he believes he has them he will probably notice things like that more and more because he's actually doing it. It's almost like speaking things into existence.
 

Latest posts

Back
Top