Z
Zorg
Guest
Well, hello there. I'm new, obviously, as this is my first post, and I've stated it in the title.
Anyway, at this point in my life, am very lonely
. I'm not physically lonely, because, I have one older brother, four younger sisters, my mom, my dad, the people that my dad rents the basement too, my one good friend (yes, one and only), etc.
But, I feel like I can't really talk to anyone. I've never shared my real feelings off the internet. I guess I'm pretty good at putting on a facade of contentment. But, in reality, it bothers me to no end. I've tried making friends, but, it's hard for me. I seem to always want to escape social interaction. I'm always finding outs, ways to make an escape from a conversation, making up lies to get away from someone I used to go to school with, stuff like that. I'm always in avoidance mode.
My, non-professional, probably wrong, reasoning for why I do this is my dad. When I was young, my dad was a tyrant. My mom had just left him, and he was upset 24/7. The car ride to my moms was an interrogation. It usually ended up with me and my brother and sisters in tears as we entered my moms house. With my dad, it was never a conversation, you were talked to. If you ever disagreed with him he'd yell at you. Oh, but if you only said "yes", like I did, he'd call you a yes-men, more yelling. It was really just consent yelling, about us, about my mother, about everything. The best way to deal with it was avoidance, in my opinion at least. I stayed away at all costs, up in my room, and when I was around, all I thought about was being as prudent as possible and then getting the hell away. This continued for a good amount of years. As of now, my dad is changed. He yells, but not about anything I care about. He talks to me normal, but I'm still the yes-man, and I still avoid him. But, he hasn't lashed out in years. I'm thinking, maybe it's Pavlovian. I don't know, I'm probably totally off the mark here. Just a theory.
Anyway, back to the realities, rather than the nice theories. I'm lonely because I have social problems and partly, I have social problems because I'm lonely. I can't go to the concerts I want, because I don't want to be that loser who went alone.
At this point, I'm 19, never been kissed, can't even remember the last informal talk I've had with a girl that isn't in my family. I rarely ever go out. I'm dissatisfied with how I look, and my personality for that matter. I have one friend from High School. But, we're not close enough for me to spill my feelings out on. He'd be weirded out by it.
I feel like my rambling. Thus I'm going to stop here. Tell me what you think. If you have similar issues, and suggesting for remedying it.
Oh, and nice to meet you.
Anyway, at this point in my life, am very lonely
. I'm not physically lonely, because, I have one older brother, four younger sisters, my mom, my dad, the people that my dad rents the basement too, my one good friend (yes, one and only), etc. But, I feel like I can't really talk to anyone. I've never shared my real feelings off the internet. I guess I'm pretty good at putting on a facade of contentment. But, in reality, it bothers me to no end. I've tried making friends, but, it's hard for me. I seem to always want to escape social interaction. I'm always finding outs, ways to make an escape from a conversation, making up lies to get away from someone I used to go to school with, stuff like that. I'm always in avoidance mode.
My, non-professional, probably wrong, reasoning for why I do this is my dad. When I was young, my dad was a tyrant. My mom had just left him, and he was upset 24/7. The car ride to my moms was an interrogation. It usually ended up with me and my brother and sisters in tears as we entered my moms house. With my dad, it was never a conversation, you were talked to. If you ever disagreed with him he'd yell at you. Oh, but if you only said "yes", like I did, he'd call you a yes-men, more yelling. It was really just consent yelling, about us, about my mother, about everything. The best way to deal with it was avoidance, in my opinion at least. I stayed away at all costs, up in my room, and when I was around, all I thought about was being as prudent as possible and then getting the hell away. This continued for a good amount of years. As of now, my dad is changed. He yells, but not about anything I care about. He talks to me normal, but I'm still the yes-man, and I still avoid him. But, he hasn't lashed out in years. I'm thinking, maybe it's Pavlovian. I don't know, I'm probably totally off the mark here. Just a theory.
Anyway, back to the realities, rather than the nice theories. I'm lonely because I have social problems and partly, I have social problems because I'm lonely. I can't go to the concerts I want, because I don't want to be that loser who went alone.
At this point, I'm 19, never been kissed, can't even remember the last informal talk I've had with a girl that isn't in my family. I rarely ever go out. I'm dissatisfied with how I look, and my personality for that matter. I have one friend from High School. But, we're not close enough for me to spill my feelings out on. He'd be weirded out by it.
I feel like my rambling. Thus I'm going to stop here. Tell me what you think. If you have similar issues, and suggesting for remedying it.
Oh, and nice to meet you.
