I feel like i've only been alive but i havent lived a single day in my life.

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idontknow5

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Well. lets just start this off by saying last night i was talking to a friend. I idolize everything about how he is and what he does. He just lives how he wants to live, does what he wants to do, and doesn't care about anyone. He has fun stories to tell, fun everything. I just want to be like that.

The issue here is he moved away. I cant hang out with him. I only hear about it. Im 18 so im generally young, Ive never done any drugs, Ive never had any alcohol whatsoever (except nyquil :p) and i cant remember anything. Their was a very very traumatizing 2 year period of my life recently and being that im passed it i find that i cant remember a single memory from those 2 years. I have no amazingly fun memory, I have no regrets, I have nothing. I just want to do something ill never forget before i do something stupid.

Theirs only a few issues blocking this though. I live where their really isnt anything i could ever do, Im not a fan of hanging out with guys and i dont know why. Something about doing that makes me feel uncomfortable and not in the right place. I only hang out with girls and sure they want to do something fun but they dont know whats fun either but they have already had alot of fun times in their life.

With all of this though, I really need something amazing to do soon. I was planning on doing something before the summers up. Their isnt much time left for me to be socially acceptable. With the 2 year block of my life where i was very very depressed and messed up, all its left me was the memory block, and a severe form of schizophrenia and the highest dose that i could possibly take only slows down the symptoms. The psychologist says by the time im 25, itll be extremely bad and i may need to be "contained". In other words, It just gets worse and they want to make sure i dont go around being crazy. For now though i know when its bad and i know how to control it and i just want something to do before it gets out of hand. I dont know how i can live though.
 
I think you have to figure out what you really want to do first, then you can figure out how to go about doing it. Create a list of things you'd like to do in your lifetime. It can be small things like visiting a museum and then big things like sky diving. Once you make the list, you'll be able to sort out which things interest you the most and can work on doing them.
 

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