Will everyone leave one day?

I'm apologizing in advance, just in case this ends up being a venting session.

I've never been very good at having close relationships (in general, not necessarily romantic). I don't know what it is about me, but I just can't make connections with anyone. In the end, I always wind up feeling hurt or left behind. I can count on one hand the number of people I've been able to confide in over my whole lifetime, and all but one are family members. I always believed my family was close, and that we would always have each other for support. I had a happy childhood. There was a point in time when we reached a rough patch, on my account, but worked through it.

Since we graduated high school, I believed my sister and I grew close as siblings and even as friends. Throughout that time she was dating and is now engaged to the same guy. The first couple years he was very sweet to her and was always trying to be friendly and helpful to our parents. But as time progressed, his attitude and demeanor changed toward us (as in my family, not my sister). He is cold and distant, will not even enter the house to say hello, and has shown complete disrespect on the few encounters we've had. He won't even look me in the face when he talks. I never said or did anything to him. How could I, since I've never had a single conversation with him that lasted more than two minutes. My sister has always kept her relationship with him and with the family separate.

I'm not going to be really specific on what happened, but a couple months ago my parents voiced an opinion on a single issue. I was witness to the conversation and it was in no way offensive - they were only concerned with my sister's safety. He didn't like the fact they said anything and it caused problems. A few weeks later, I find out my sister and her fiance bought a home and are moving far away. I can't say I was surprised by his actions, but I was surprised by my sister's. She was completely secretive about the whole thing and purchased it on impulse. It's been months and she refuses to discuss it. From what she did say, she did not consider us at all when making the decision and regrets the way she handled it. But she still won't include us even now. His family has been out to see the property more than once and he even had the nerve to post pictures on Facebook. All I know is the name of the city it's in. And though I've asked, I still did not receive an invitation out there.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is why can't I even keep up a relationship with my own sister? I don't expect her to live right next door. It's not even the distance. It's just that I believed we were close, yet she would make a decision like that without even letting me know. It's hard enough that she's getting married and moving out, but she's so closed off now. We would always have fun spending time together. I don't want to be shut out. Her fiance doesn't like me at all, and she won't say anything when he is rude or disrespectful because she wants to "keep the peace". I feel betrayed by this. Am I wrong for feeling this way? I've never said anything to her about his actions all this time, until this happened. She makes excuses.

It seems like every time someone in my life leaves, my world gets a little smaller. I hate feeling lonely! I hate always being alone! I want to be happy for her, but I feel sad for me. Why is it that just because she is getting married, we have to become distant relatives? When we were young we would look at our parents' relationships with their siblings (since they had similar issues) and say, "We're never gonna be that way." I guess we were wrong.

It's not really your fault that she's become distant. You're not the one pushing away, she is. And she's pushing away the entire family, not just you. Have you tried just bluntly telling her that you miss her and you don't want to grow apart? Can you talk directly to her without her fiance being in the middle? Maybe if she hears your deepest heartfelt feelings, it will snap her out of it and she'll realize it's not good to push everyone away like that.

Sorry to hear that Blue, my sister did the same thing. She started going to church, her husband basically made my family hate him, and I was the heathen dog uncle she didn't want her good Christian kids to see. I haven't been to their last two birthdays, and she only lives 15 miles away.

Not everyone leaves. I still have my other sister and I hope nothing will ever change that. I hope someone comes along who stays with you. Or maybe things will change with your sister.

If nothing else, you've always got us.

I would hope not. I know I don't really have anyone in my life, so holding on to people really isn't an option for me. The one person I'd want to hold onto, will eventually leave me, and there's not a battle in this world I can fight to change it.

I think you're confusing things a bit here, her fiancee isn't a friend as such, but a partner. People tend to naturally gravitate towards their partner, whatever the situation so don't feel she's replaced you, or that you did something to warrant being pushed away.

This happened to me too, so don't feel alone. A good friend of mine literally walked away from me to be with her boyfriend for over three months without contacting me. In the end, I had to directly say it to her face that I really did miss her. She understood and now things are pretty cool between us.

Morale of the story, there's no point in letting things be unsaid, mention it to her next time you see her!

In response to the title...

it really depends. We will never know since we don't know what the future holds for us neither can we predict the decisions our loved ones will make.

Bluebird, we're the same I've never really been good at keeping close relationships. There are only around 5 people I can think of who I have and am sharing a close relationship with.

In Asian tradition, particularly in Chinese tradition that would be bad manners. Chances are your parents would be pissed off if you make decisions by yourself when they want to help. I'm not saying whether this is good or bad though.

I agree with Treehere that yes, the next time you see her, pour everything out. Tell her everything you feel and have felt. Everything is up to your sister now. She's in the middle of the whole dilemma. She's the one who has the say on whether she's moving or not. I'm not sure what the husband is doing though. But Bluebird, you're gonna have to accept that your sister is all grown up now, an established adult so she can make choices of her own. You will have to slowly and as painlessly as possible accept that. But yeah, honestly speaking I would be super ticked off if the person my sibling is marrying or married to is rude jack***. I'd probably do everything in my power to prevent any progress in their relationship WHICH is the wrong approach xD

Thank you all for your comments and advice - it meant alot! It's hard, but I know I'm going to have to accept the fact that things played out the way they did and that everything is what it is. All I can do now is just try my best to be supportive and keep in touch when she leaves, even if it is far. I can't say that I don't feel lonely thinking about it, but what else can I do?

As for my future brother-in-law, I've decided to give my best effort at getting to know him. Even if nothing changes, at least I tried. I really hope it does, though. I don't want things to stay like this forever.

I am really happy with what you're deciding to do Bluebird I wish for you the best in your relationships with your sister and your future brother-in-law.

Isolating a person is a sign of an abusive relationship.

haha, moving far away? sounds like he wants to isolate her from you so he can abuse her without any interruptions.

It might not be abuse, but I'm deeply suspicious.

Does your partner:

act excessively jealous and possessive?
control where you go or what you do?
keep you from seeing your friends or family?
limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?
constantly check up on you?

Link to Domestic Abuse site: http://helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm