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Best Ways To Find a Girlfriend (Not a Hookup)

  • Bar/Dance Club

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Grocery Store/Shopping

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Hobby Club (i.e. Book Club)

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Online Dating

    Votes: 2 100.0%
  • Coffee House

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Gym

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Friends/Family

    Votes: 1 50.0%
  • Library

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Job

    Votes: 1 50.0%
  • Meet her by chance/Other

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    2
T

That Guy

Guest
So I'm new to these forums. Nice to meet you all.

I'm sitting here in my room right now trying to make sense of what has been happening to me over the past few weeks. I recently struck out with a waitress I've been trying to get to know for 2 years. Actually, I struck out with her a long time ago. I guess I never saw it. I'm a very regular customer and she knows how I feel about her but she's never treated me any different. Come to think of it, she has. I think she's been avoiding me. When we first met I was able to flirt and talk with her a lot, but I think she was just humoring me (as I'm sure waitresses are accustomed to doing). She's always smiled at me and been civil. I swore she liked my advances for the longest time. She even took things off my bill a couple times. But once I slipped her my number she changed. I think she thought I was trying to get into her pants, which wasn't the idea at all. I just didn't know how else to let her know how I felt. And now I think I've been scaring her in the past weeks trying to talk to her. The last time I saw her she came into the bar on her day off, talked to a guy next to me, and walked off. Didn't even look at me. I decided to leave and saw her with her boyfriend in the parking lot. They ended up following me half-way home. The pain was unreal. She was probably going to bang 'em that night. Jesus...

I've only felt this strongly about a girl once in my life. It was like a lightning bolt. Every time I saw her I was happy. Her eyes, her smile, her voice...I was in love. No one could do that for me except her. I've tried so many times to get her to notice me over these past years. So much frustration. And now after all this she just walks past me like it was nothing right into the arms of someone else. It's become easier over time to deal with the pain. I went back there 2 nights ago with my cousin and I made very sure not to look at her. I've noticed it's just easier that way. I feel myself starting to let it go but every time I think about her I get terribly depressed. The might-haves and should-haves...the could-have-beens...they're eating me alive. And I feel so pathetic dwelling on it all. Do normal people think like this?

So where am I now? Back to where I was without her. I don't really have anyone close to me. I have a ridiculous amount of debt. No real job...bills backing up. No future plans. Nothing. I have nothing. I've never been so depressed before. I've given up on life. I can't even get the strength to look for jobs. When I thought about the future that me and her could have had together I was so excited. As long as I had her love everything in my life could have fallen apart and I wouldn't have cared. Just being able to walk down the street with her in my arms or being able to wake up next to her every morning or just having her call me hers would have made up for all of that. And now that hope is gone. I want to say I'm getting over her but I'm not. And to think...I never knew anything about her...and she never cared about me. While I dreamed about her alone, she was probably f*cking that guy something wild. All this time and emotion...wasted...

I've tried the online dating thing to help me forget. No one ever got back to me. It's amazing. Over 500 girls looking for someone. Only a handful that interested me. None of which got back to me. I thought it might make me feel better but now it just seems like I'll never catch what I did in that restaurant. It makes me sick sometimes thinking about it.

I've been alone for 3 years now. No hook-ups, no dates, nothing. The sexual frustration is almost painful. And the loneliness is unbearable. I often times wake up in the morning hoping to be next to someone. Maybe next to her. That's quite a feeling to wake up in pain.

I need a woman in my life so bad. I try to go to bars and clubs but I never see anything I want and I'm really doubting I'd find anything meaningful there anyway.

So what do I do now? I don't know. "Move on", "Get over it"...that's what they say. Those words sound so easy don't they?

I haven't been too open with people I know about all this. I was hoping someone out there knew what it was like. I would like to hear some stories. Might help me recover...

Thanks for letting me vent.
 
It is not as easy as moving on or getting over it. That is similar to saying time heals...really time just helps give you time to decide what to heal.

OK, you might hate me for saying this, but the job and the future plans are probably going to have to become a bigger priority. The debt will fall into place, and there is no harm in letting your future plans include the hope for a woman; but that will ultimately also include letting go of the women that are not possible. I personally know how hard that is. Whether it takes saying "their loss" or deciding deep down to have the love for them to let them be the people they need to be...with or without you.

The beauty of a job is that it takes up time and requires commitment and usually some sort of time schedule. A job doesn't care if you hate it; because you have to do it. The downside of a job; especially in your current feeling is that you are going to have to proactively go out and get it.

Try not to put the responsibility of motivating for a job on the future love of you life...let that be your project that you tackle and own.

I dated someone for 10 years that didn't work. I never condemned it; I never nagged on it; but I never entirely got it. In the end, that person felt I should have pushed harder to motivate them for a job. The reality is that I had enough on my plate dealing with myself in a job and the responsibilities associated. I just wanted to love my partner...
 

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