What I need (continued)

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J

JustLost

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I posted earlier in the "I am lonely" section as a guest. The message was entitled "what I need" and I explained my basic desire to have someone in life to care about. Someone suggested I register and explain further, so I figured why not?

I had a girlfriend for many years that I'd hoped I would eventually marry and live the rest of my life with. Eventually, her job began to take over her life and I began to see less and less of her. When I confronted her about it she stopped talking to me altogether. She knew I loved her. How could someone do that to me?

I'm a decent looking guy. I have a job. I'm a good listener. I've had nothing but praises in bed. I don't understand what happened.

I lived with being alone for over a year after that, but now I feel as though I don't deserve this. I'm 36 years old and I want to find someone before it's too late. I don't mind getting old, I just do NOT want to have to do it alone. I know I can make someone happy. Why won't anyone let me?

I don't have a large circle of friends to discuss these things with, so that's why I'm here. I know there's no easy answers, but does anyone out there know what I should do?
 
36 and alone. God. You should congratulate yourself on being able to handle being alone at your age (no offense). I am 23 and I'm always freaking out that I won't find my "one" in time. I'm always afraid I'll be 40 and unmarried. The thought of that terrifies me. But take heart. I'm sure there are other people your age here who can help.

I'm not all that experienced in love, but your story seems to speak for itself. If a woman leaves you for confronting her on such an issue she probably wasn't worth your time. Maybe if you persistently and angrily confronted her there might be a reason. But you deserve time with your loved one and nothing should get in the way of that. Someone who loves you should want to be with you as much as you want to be with her. That shouldn't be a fight issue. You know, come to think of it, she may have been using work as a way to avoid you or a problem that you may have had. In any case, she wasn't willing to confront a serious issue and for that she doesn't deserve you.

Since I myself am lonely as I can be I don't have many suggestions. I would recommend online dating myself. Most major search engines have a personnels section. I would personally recommend Yahoo! Personnels. That will at least make you feel a little less alone about being lonely. Hope that helps...
 
That Guy said:
36 and alone. God. You should congratulate yourself on being able to handle being alone at your age (no offense). I am 23 and I'm always freaking out that I won't find my "one" in time. I'm always afraid I'll be 40 and unmarried. The thought of that terrifies me. But take heart. I'm sure there are other people your age here who can help.

Well, I'm not dead yet. I'm only 13 years older than you and believe me when I say that 13 years will be gone before you realize it. I stay in shape and really don't feel much different from when I was 25. My age isn't the thing that bothers me, so much as the lack of companionship.

Thanks for your response and suggestions. I hope you and everyone on this board find what they're looking for.
 
I have only recently being watching the online dating scene via the forums and honestly it sort of scares me. It is bizarre how hard it seems to be to find someone.

I also try and tell myself that if the person didn't want to make time for me then it wasn't meant to be. But the brain and the heart don't always get along with each other.

I personally like to watch couples in the store or anywhere else. Especially when I see spouses treating each other badly I wonder how they can take each other for granted when there are so many of us out there that just want to love and be loved back. I like to think that maybe we will be the best spouses of all...provided we find someone.

Good luck in your search for a partner. I really do hope she finds you. You are right; we should all be so lucky to have someone special to grow up and grow old with.
 
By the way, on the subject of what to do...

Boy is that a tricky one because the question is; is it better to wait for love to hit you over the head or better to actively seek it. It seems to get a little trickier in the 30s because a lot of people are married at that point.

So here comes the standard response...what are your options in your career and/or volunteer/hobby/social world? Do you need to branch out a little more in your freetime to get in a better position to meet someone new?
 
lilyelk said:
Boy is that a tricky one because the question is; is it better to wait for love to hit you over the head or better to actively seek it. It seems to get a little trickier in the 30s because a lot of people are married at that point.

I know this philosophical question all too well. Everyone around me seems married. I admit I screwed up in my twenties for not dealing with some of these issues sooner...however not all of it was completely my fault.

lilyelk said:
So here comes the standard response...what are your options in your career and/or volunteer/hobby/social world? Do you need to branch out a little more in your freetime to get in a better position to meet someone new?

Sometimes I get the impression that there are a few options available here at my job. However I'm not sure if I'm just imagining things due to my immense loneliness or if they are in fact real. I think when you're alone your brain has a tendency to play tricks on you. I've tried online dating before and I came out of it with nothing. I guess I could try again, but I'm just not a big fan of the scene.
 
Interestingly enough; I hit that opinion myself earlier this year that there were few options open to me - short of a career change. So I decided before to take a series of classes in the high tech field where I am and sit in on an informational session about becoming a teacher. After all that I decided that for the time being to stay where I am.

It was actually hard for me to go to classes. I have been so isolated lately that it was weird to walk into a classroom of 8 - 12 people - some of which were the casual talking/small talk types - I tend to be neither.

Eh, don't worry if you think you screwed up in your 20s. In theory I did too or I would be happily married with a family right? Or maybe not...
 
JustLost said:
I think when you're alone your brain has a tendency to play tricks on you.

I find that too... when I had a girlfriend for a longer term I found that, while I was going out with her, I had the confidence to look at girls and talk to them, not flirting or anything... it was just that I was taken, and I felt no pressure whatsoever to impress or come across as available.

I just felt that the girls looked at and treated me differently when they knew I was taken... strange but definitely true.

Maybe my being taken made them feel more relaxed... I don't know.
 

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