Driven mad by isolation

It's taken a long time to reach this point, but i am starting to break down. I'm having violent thoughts of killing myself, even in front of my family. My frustration with myself is at boiling point. I'm more silent than ever, I ignore my family. When I go out the isolation doesn't stop, because wherever i go i'm alone. I'm seeing the doctor tomorrow, i just don't know what to do. I have too many problems. I really think i'm going to end up killing myself.

This is like a red flag waving itself right in front of your face saying "PAY ATTENTION TO ME SOLVE ME NOW!" You should really go see a therapist who can help you with coping skills and possibly medication (if it's a chemical imbalance in your brain that's causing this level of hopelessness).

There are social services that offer counseling for free you know. Please, try counseling. *hug*

I've been there--more than once. I completely understand and feel your pain. I hope you take solace in the fact that you are NOT alone in feeling this way.

I have to say that admitting myself to a hospital for a week snapped me out of it and gave me the safety and like-minded companionship that I needed to get me out of the darkest depths. If you don't want to do this, please at least try to find a depression group so that you can connect face-to-face with people who understand. If you are in the US, I suggest contacting NAMI

Be well.

troubled said:

Everyday is a bad day. Some people aren't meant for the world. People like me.

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hopelessness. Sounds like depression to me.

I haven't thought myself in front of my family....yet maybe xD but I have imagined myself running away and just leaving my parents a note how they were being jerks and everything.

There's a limit to what we members can do to help you troubled. It is good you're expressing yourself here. Better out than in in this case. You should try going to couseling and try to keep your emotions in check. People can be very frustrating to deal with and even more if they're the people you live with. Whatever else happens though, please don't kill yourself. There are still so many good things in this world to experience. Suicide would just be a complete waste.

I honestly think severe isolation and lonelieness does something to our brain, and we can litterally snap. I was close at one time. I think that you have a biological need that you MUST address... NOW !!!

I think you should tell your doctor but if he doesnt help you immediatly, I think you should go to the hospital. Just the regular hospital. There are inpatient mental health wards in most of them and it is a US law that states that you must see a doctor everyday. If youre not in the US I'm sure that there are still hospitals you can go to...
EDIT: I just saw youre from England...so I don't know... But I am sure if you just go to the regular hospital they will help you.

Also, it's not like it used to be 20-30 years ago..
I've been in the psych wards a few times and there is no electric shock, locking you in your room, or straight jackets (unless you try to hurt someone) It's a supportive place full of psych nurses that are trained to talk to you about your problems.

good luck

Been there and done that.
Being around people use to make me feel like I want to vommit.
Some people still do..
I was never like that. I used to be very out going.
Since I isolated myself after Jenni's death, I develope cabin fever.

I had to take baby steps. Made myself leave for house for 1 hour per day.
Made myself attend support groups. Sitting in a room full of people made me fucken dizzied.
I even went back to work. My co -workers tried to help me. It helped but I still couldn't be around them all the time.
It took me time to adjust.

I'm much better now. It's been almost 2 years. It's been small improvements , a little bit at a time.
Now I can go out , mengel and talk honeysuckle
It's all good.

troubled said:

Everyday is a bad day. Some people aren't meant for the world. People like me.

Click to expand...

Quit it.

It's good that you're going to see a doctor. That's a good start.

You need to start talking to somebody about this and perhaps get on some mood stabilizers to help get you back on track. After that you need to find ways to become involved with people; a volunteer organization, your job, the bookstore are all avenues, but you have to realize it takes a lot of effort even then to get to know somebody new. You have to create a presence, and a good one.

I've taken a lot of people to various care facilities for behavioral problems (suicidal, depressed, schizophrenia, etc) as an EMT. And out of all the ones I've talked to they claim to feel better having talked to me; I can only imagine that proper counseling is even better. Please go talk to someone.

I'm 29. I've felt isolated since I was 13 and went to a new school, and when my father shot himself I was 16. Never quite recovered from that. Seems like I'm always feeling the loss of someone important.

In addition to Isolation, since January (when my girlfriend left) I have felt downright haunted. For one thing I'm stuck here in this room we shared when she was here. Where she should be is a dark and empty void that feels like its full of demons waiting to break free.

Wandering stranger: I completely agree with your point of finding a mask that fits for you.

I have created a personality and exterior that is able to attract all sorts of 'friends' and I never seem to be un-confident, but the truth is I can be laughing and joking on the outside but crying on the inside.

I've tried just being myself a few times and my gawds do people evacuate the immediate area very quickly, I think I just seem like a really difficult person if I'm just being natural.

So making a mask certainly means that I can fatten parties up with no problems and if I try hard I can convince myself that I actually do relate to everyone there and they like me for who I am and for a moment I might even smile.

Mostly though the sun can be shining but it won't shine for me and I wish it would but it just doesn't.

I used to think I was unhappy and felt lonely because I hadn't achieved my goals, I wanted to get into med school and I failed like 3 times and that's all I could think about and working to get in strangely kept me busy and I didn't really notice that I was on my own. This year I managed it and it was good feeling finally cracking the competition and impressing my first choice med school (with a made up over-confident completely fake personality but I only had to hold that exterior together for one day so that was OK) But now I'm back to feeling like something is missing or there's information that other people have which allows them to be naturally just happy people and I don't have access rights to that information.

I feel selifish for feeling like I do because standing on the outside looking in I don't seem to have any real problems and I know I've been given so many opportunities that other people havn't. I just wish I can achieve things by just being me, but being me has never been good enough and I don't get why.

I'm not sure what my point is, but I suppose making a mask will help you appear sane and happy and hopefully it might even help you fill in that dark hole growing in your heart.