Maybe I don't need friends

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tehdreamer

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When even my closest friends forget that I exist, it's time to call it quits. I'm tired of being on "stand by" until their lives go chaotic, then they come running to me with their problems and woes. This would be fine if I wasn't ignored and forgotten once things are better again. It doesn't matter if it's old friends or new friends; it all ends up the same. Everyone takes me for granted.

Quite frankly, I'm tired of being a good friend. It gets me nothing but heartbreak and loneliness. Maybe I just need to learn how to be my own company.
 
*HUG*

tehdreamer said:
When even my closest friends forget that I exist, it's time to call it quits. I'm tired of being on "stand by" until their lives go chaotic, then they come running to me with their problems and woes. This would be fine if I wasn't ignored and forgotten once things are better again. It doesn't matter if it's old friends or new friends; it all ends up the same. Everyone takes me for granted.

I've felt this way before also. It's a sad fact of life, I guess... that people are mostly self-centered, never able to focus on others or give notice to the small gestures we make. Even things as simple as BEING THERE for them, they seem to take for granted.

Yeah, I know the feeling.

tehdreamer said:
Quite frankly, I'm tired of being a good friend. It gets me nothing but heartbreak and loneliness. Maybe I just need to learn how to be my own company.

I dunno if giving up is the right direction to go... but certainly it is important to reach a place where you're content to be alive with or without others. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think friends and loved ones should be bonuses in a person's life, not a given. *shrug*

Either way, I hope you find some friends that will stay true and keep talking to you no matter what distance lay between you.

*hug*
 
tehdreamer said:
I'm tired of being on "stand by" until their lives go chaotic, then they come running to me with their problems and woes. It doesn't matter if it's old friends or new friends; it all ends up the same. Everyone takes me for granted.

Same on Kimma.
Just a few days ago I told myself I don't have any friends in real life anymore. And I put up a title msg on msn saying: All my friends are dead. I think in that just to feel better you know. I never want to blame any of them for that but I know for a fact that I do.

And guess what? None of them ever bothers to ask me what the hell does that line mean.
hah,
It's time to quit.

-Kimma
 
{{{tehdreamer}}} Hugs, to you. I'm always struck by the genuine care and concern you put in all of your posts. You do deserve friends who "stand by" you through all of your issues. Don't give up, because there are folks that would be very pleased to lend a shoulder to you and NOT put you on, "stand-by" simply for their own selfish needs.

I feel much the way you do at this point in my life. I think many of us become so concerned with others that we overlook what we need from friendships and allow ourselves to simply become comforting habits to others. We need to sharpen our focus and look for folks that want to BE a freind as much as they want to HAVE a sounding board and constant source of support. They may be fewer to find than the others but the search for them will be much more rewarding...
 
In a group of friends and if you're the most quiet among them, that's usually the situation. You're the one that they will pour out their feelings to if they're sad, angry, or feeling anything negative. The quiet one is usually the most mature in most cases and the wise one :)

It is also possible though that you're hanging out with the wrong people. If your close friends happen to be extroverts, chances are they won't give a **** about your feelings or they most likely wouldn't ask what's up in a serious manner. I'm talking based on my own experiences. There are just some people who can't and don't listen and those are some of the people I find very hard to get along with.

I feel you tehdreamer. I used to long for friends who would listen to me and would initiate stuff like invite me to go somewhere, ask me if I wanted to do this, asked me what I'm thinking about. Everyone needs to feel cared about so it's perfectly normal.

Tehdreamer, I really hate it when friends forget about you, particularly leaving you behind. That's actually one of my super mega pet peeves. I forgot to put that in the pet peeves thread. I remember there was this basketball game we attended. It was our university versus another university. The court was under a mall. I went there together with my friends and some were just acquaintances. After the game I had to pass my ticket to our PE teacher for bonus points for attending. I couldn't find him though. When I went back to the exit of the court my companions were gone. I was thinking not one of them thought about me or even remembered I was there. They are likeeee sooo mannyyyy. I had to be the one to look for them and I did act a bit of a brat cuz I was really hurt and mad. I said I wanted to go home and if they could, just point me to the direction of the LRT station. One of them asked me" You don't wanna hang out with us anymore?" I was like o_O! At dinner I refused to eat like I was still steaming boiling mad. My face wasn't mad but my companions knew I was. The next day I didn't pay any attention to them.

Tehdreamer, just get new friends. Not everyone's like that :) There are definitely some people out there who know how to keep friendships mutual.
 
Thanks all. I was just feeling particularly alone when I posted. I've been waiting 3 days for my best friend to return my texts. No calls, txts, email, ims, nothing. But when he needs me I'm right there instantly.

And when I'm sitting alone all day, it makes to think over my relationships with people. No one's there when I need them most, even if I ask them to be. I guess I wouldn't have joined this site if they were.

I don't demand anyone to be there and I won't make a big deal out of it if I'm forgotten for a day. It just gets to me when the days start to pile on and I can't even get one word of acknowledgment back. I get that people are busy with their own lives, but eventually you can just tell when you're completely forgotten.

I don't think people purposely set out to take me for granted, but it happens and I'm not sure how to remedy it. Bringing it up only gets me confused faces and "I don't know what you're talking about" and eventually leads to me being accused of over-reacting.
 
tehdreamer said:
I don't think people purposely set out to take me for granted, but it happens and I'm not sure how to remedy it.

I think you're right. Most people don't do it on purpose.

And unfortunately it's not up to you to remedy it. Only others can change how they act. The best thing that you can do is find friends who WILL be there for you, or who will change to do so.

*hug* I's be yo fwend if you wants. :D lol
 
Jedi, if they don't know how they act towards her, how are they to change it? If they don't know, they probably think it's fine. I mean, I know some people who always rant and rave to me, but I haven't told them that it bothers me they never care to listen to me. I can't expect them to then change based off something they haven't been informed of.

However, I learned a while ago that I have to care about me. If you want things done right, do it yourself. I do me. And I suggest everyone else do them as well. That's not to say be mean to people, or never be there for them. You can be there for people, just don't expect them to give anything in return. You can't expect from anyone or anything. That's when you become heartbroken and disappointed.
 
Yah, I really don't expect people to change without letting them know how I feel. But people tend not to take me seriously when I say how I feel. Or they automatically jump to the defensive.

And I typically don't rely on people unless they've proven to be stable and reliable in the past. That's how I end up being friends with them in the first place. But it's like, after a time, they're not longer that same reliable person. They become complacent that I'll always be there and I'll always be ok no matter what I'm dealing with. Sometimes I just want to vanish on them when they're going through problems and see how they like it. But I'm not that vengeful. :club:

I do need new friends. Or new close friends. I don't mind having those few friends on the side who I know are total flakes, but it would be nice to have some who will have my back too.
 
i know that feeling all too well.
I have come up with my own theory: people either want a punching bag around,or a shoulder to cry on. if you are a non-conformist, then this is all you will ever be to anyone. i think people STAY friends because they don't change and grow into different directions, just because they don't WANT to be different, as that would be threatening to others and you would be rejected. so smile all the time, wear what everyone else has on, listen to the same music eat the same food, have no true passion for anything, and you can have friends. educate yourself, be comfortable, travel,expand your tastes, and you quite possibly will be alienated.But you know what? i'm starting not to care...i always have my dog, and i always have my mom and i don't give a honeysuckle if people think i'm wierd because i like maple syrup in my kraft dinner, i snort when i laugh, i bring up awkward topics, i feel passionately for animal rights and genetically modified food ingredients and developed nations capitalizing on 3rd world countries, i still like childrens films, i tell strangers when they look nice, i have one-way conversations with my dog and so on and so on.... xox
 
Over the weekend, I invited several people to be my friend at one of the top social networks. Unfortunately, one person mistook it as an invitation to spam me with his business opportunity. Now, I will give this gentleman the benefit of doubt and assume he didn’t know any better. But this is a sure-fire way to get scratched off of my friends list. Like most social network members, I am there to build relationships.
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*spam links removed*
 
I reached this point a couple years back, too, so I know how you feel.

One way I've learned to cope is to remember this: Just because you don't have close friends doesn't mean you can't be social, or feel part of a community.

I've gone out of my way to take classes, get involved in activities, volunteer, and be friendly to people whether or not I think we'll be friends. Consequently, I have a lot of acquaintances and these "activity-specific" friends (ie. I catch up with them when I see them at whatever I know them from, but don't talk to them otherwise). No, it's not the same as having close friends and I really miss that sometimes, but I just think it's important to remember that just because you don't really have friends doesn't mean you have to withdraw from society. (I'm not necessarily saying you are, but I think this is a trap lots of people fall into.)
 
tehdreamer, I know exactly how you feel. I hardly ever reach out for someone to lean on, but I always take for granted that when I do, they should be there for me. Problem is, they never are. Unanswered texts, emails, when it's obvious I need someone to talk to. I've had my share of pathetic moments--trying to "bait" friends into talking to me by casually mentioning some detail of my life I would expect them to find interesting or exciting, and hoping that they take the bait and contact me. Unfortunately it seems my life is interesting only to me, and people aren't nearly as invested in mine as I am in theirs. It's a sad realization, but I don't think you're alone. You just need to find other people who have the capacity to care as much as you do. That relationship, I think, would be an incredibly rich and rewarding one.
 
tehdreamer said:
When even my closest friends forget that I exist, it's time to call it quits. I'm tired of being on "stand by" until their lives go chaotic, then they come running to me with their problems and woes. This would be fine if I wasn't ignored and forgotten once things are better again. It doesn't matter if it's old friends or new friends; it all ends up the same. Everyone takes me for granted.

Quite frankly, I'm tired of being a good friend. It gets me nothing but heartbreak and loneliness. Maybe I just need to learn how to be my own company.

I get this, I get this so much, you have no idea, but you have got to keep trying, not for them but for you.
 
I used to think not long ago that I got this far without friends, I can go the rest of the way... but that was becuase I was so frustrated with being lonely. Now I'm falling and desperate to have a friend, especially a close friend, someone who lives near me. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that that is not likely to happen becuase there is no one. I live in a place where people my age are all the same and Canada lacks people who really care, except for people who are their friends.
 
I totally understand how you feel. When I got sick my friends all just....disappeared. Oh, they'd pop back into my life once they needed someone to listen to their problems, then they were gone again. Really turned me into a cynic about life.
 
Aww... you know, I wish I had friends who would come running to me when they needed it. My friends don't even share their personal issues and stuff with me, even when they run into problems that could be alleviated with some talking, spazzing, or a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes I run to them, but I feel all out of place because I don't know if I'm actually close enough to them to do that sort of thing.
I guess your situation must suck more, though. I haven't experienced it before, but it mustn't feel good to be neglected. Always have some hope, though. What you feel when you get motivated and hopeful is truly incredible; it's really like the sun came out from behind the clouds. :)
 
Thanks all for your replies. It helps to know that I'm not the only one that's felt this way. I know, at this point in my life, I'm not going to actually quit trying to make friends or get closer with people. It's just a ongoing, uphill battle.

I know a enough people.. I consider them friends. But it's the close friendships that I need and friendships that aren't a one way street. I find the only real way to keep from being taken for granted is to just not always be there for people. Which is hard not to do since it's my nature.
 

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