Ok, so I'm still totally useless at some things! (long)

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Rammy

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Hi everyone, some of you may noticed me hovering around here occasionally commenting, even if I normally get to the thread a bit late :) well now I think it's time I asked for advice.
Apologies if this is incoherent, I just finished a 16hr shift and I'm a bit tired, so I may edit or amend what I'm trying to say later. While at work I had my question perfectly formed with everything I wanted to convey. But now....well we'll see.
So...a bit about me, I've lived on my own for a long time and have gone through quite a lot that I won't go into due to it's irrelevance to my topic. However, I tend to think I'm making progress and am quite positive in my outlook....most days :) Ive made a few friends at work and retained a few friendships for a while. I'm much more sociable than I used to be, though I clearly have some way to go.
Anyway, it's about a girl btw, I started to form a slightly closer friendship with a girl at work about 3-4 months ago. I also happened to get promoted at the same time and became her boss (yep you can see where this is going). So everything was normal, just two friends, for a while but I started to grow more fond of her until she went on holiday for two weeks. During this time I began to get more unhappy but I put it down to my increasing workload.
So last saturday she came back and although we had spoken to each other on Facebook while she was away, I felt a rush of feelings to see her again. My mood improved and I realised how attatched I was....but I was scared.
I don't feel ready for this, it's strange she makes me happy but in turn I feel I must keep my distance. I'd like to tell her how I feel, to let her know that she brightens my day and remains in my thoughts on the days I don't see her. To tell her how beautiful she is and how great she makes me feel about myself....you get the picture. But I can't, i'm afraid of losing a friend.
So that's it in a (very long) nutshell I may have left something out but even though I'm fine with speaking to women but for the first time I'm actually avoiding her, probably sending the message that she's done something wrong. So, should I tell her? I could probably man up and say it....I hope.... If I even knew what to say (see I'm a bit lost here) She knows I like her, but she doesn't know how much (I know being her boss puts another angle on things too)
anyway, thanks if anyone read my slightly long post.
Ps I'm not 17 tho it may seem that way I'm 27 and know that this is not a lifeshattering problem but still.........

Ps I may have started this thread in the wrong section, if so I'm sorry, won't happen again.
 
I am not an expert, but


Step 1

Make sure she is single


Step 2

You seem like romantic guy, romance the hell outta her... start out slowly and very vague... if positive response increase.


Step 3

If step 2 goes well, ask her out, but DO NOT make big deal about it at all, it must be casual like you were planning it... Women love guys that plan stuff.... they want to know you think of them a lot (which you do).

Step 4

if you date, do not treat her differently while at work.
 
Do not do interoffice romance ever, keep it in the friendly level but honestly you don't even know her well enough to say you're attached to her.
 
If you have feelings for her I think you should try to tell her how you feel. I don't suggest telling her how STRONGLY you feel, but tell her something like you think she is nice and pretty and you would like to spend some time with her.

However, this is an incredibly brave thing to do and many people would not have the courage.

Decide if this is worth finding the courage and go from there. If you think the possibility of embarassing youself is worth this relationship, go for it.

You may regret not telling her later.

Good luck.
 
Is this going to cause a work problem?

In a lot of places a supervisor dating an underling would be considered a conflict of interests. And even if you're able to separate those relationships with that same person in your own head, will she be able to do the same?

Consider two situations:

1. You date her, then break up with her. Will this effect the job in any way?
2. You have to discipline her at work or she tries to get special preference and you refuse it. Will this affect the relationship?
 
Thanks for your replies everyone. I appreciate your concerns about the problems it may cause at work, it's very true that it's almost always a mistake to get involved with someone at work, especially on a different level.
Still though I can't shake the feeling I have to tell her, I agree with you wandering stranger that I don't know her well enough yet to be properly 'attatched' to her, but I would really like to know her better:)
Eris, I think I will regret it later, your last line brings to mind the rather corny phrase 'it's better to have loved and lost than to never love at all' which I actually agree with so I suppose I'm really just working out how/when/what to say.
It's strange, I'm never shy of helping a friend or a stranger, lending kind words or actions. I much prefer to compliment than condem and I already speak to her, so why am I so worried and hesitant just because I feel a bit different? I'm worried about loosing a friend if things go wrong, but I wonder how much better it may if we got to know each other more......hmm I really struggle with this type of decision and usually have messed them up in one way or another.....
Once again thank you to all who read and commented, I think of this place a lot and prefer to confide in you than a most of my 'real' friends:)

Oops I accidently rated my own thread! **** iPhone with it's touchy screen!
 
I think everyone here has already said what I wanted to say. The situation you are in causes a slight problem....being her boss and all. How does one take it further without it all going pear-shaped. As you are on Facebook and you can contact her there I am wondering would it be wrong to just ask her via message or FB chat (out of work hours) if she fancied meeting up just for a drink. That way, if she accepts, you get to go out with her socially and the fact that you have asked her out will make her aware that you actually like her. Then its a case of seeing how it goes, how well you get on, whether you feel as though you get a 'vibe' that she likes you too! Its best to keep it all light-hearted, not to tell her your feelings towards her (although, a couple of compliments wont go amiss, we all like those once in a while!) but to just enjoy her company and then see how you feel after.
Hopefully, she might then say to you how much she enjoyed your company and ask you out the next time.
There is nothing wrong with being more than friends but its how you go about it. I actually want to encourage you to ask her out but thats just me being all soppy after reading your post! I've not really given any sound advice but whatever happens, I wish you all the best. :eek:)
 
Facebook! I'd never thought of that, she wouldn't have to see the panic and word fumbling that way lol. Good idea we sometimes talk on there past midnight till we have to sleep, it seems obvious really that's why it's good to get other opinions/suggestions, we always seem to get trapped in our own thought cycles.
Thankyou for pointing that out.....I think I'm going to give it a shot! Wish me luck......oh yeah most of you already did!
 
Good luck Rammy. Again. :eek:)
Of course, you can't let the story end here.
I'm rootin' for ya like an old mother hen.
If you get to go out then yayyyyyy....if she lets you down (gently) then come back here to be made a fuss of.
*fingers and toes crossed for ya* :p
 
Ok there it goes, a personal message to her Facebook, if she replies I'm gonna go for it (crosses fingers, please be at your computer) i'll hang around here till I hear that sound saying she's replied. I was thinking about it all day, and actually felt more confident and positive knowing what I planned to do later.
Oh listen to me, anyone would think I was proposing, still it's a pretty big deal for me right now!
Guess I'll check the other threads for a bit.
 
*laughs* you're sweet rammy. Heartwarming really.

I hope everything works out for you.
 
Sorry for keeping you waiting but things haven't run as smoothly as I hoped.
I still haven't had a reply and I didn't know what to post.
On the next day I didn't know what to say, why didnt she mention it, I couldn't work it out, no rejection, it seemed like she was ignoring it. Was she uncomfortable? I wondered if I had made a mistake.
Then today she was talking to me and happened to mention that her Internet was down! So she never even got the message. Now I wonder what'll happen when she gets back online and sees a week old message asking her out? Why would i send it and then not mention it, acting completely normal? I'm worried this may be taken the wrong way somehow, but I'm kinda relieved that she wasn't pretending nothing happened, so I'm stuck again waiting. Who'd ever think that would happen, sheesh!
Well I'm still a bit excited, in case she says yes, tho perhaps it's best to speak face to face, if I were religious I'd probably see it as a sign I should man up and talk to her. Thoughts anyone?
 

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