Lonely and thinking of moving to Australia. Good idea or not? Sry, long intro

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.

Hannah

New member
Joined
Aug 17, 2010
Messages
2
Reaction score
0
Hi,

I am new to this forum, but so happy I found it.

I have had a hard time my entire life making and keeping friends. Mostly because I never really learned how (I moved nearly every 6 months from age of 5 to 23). Also because I think I open up too much as well and I trust way too much to the point where now I don't trust anyone. I also have major issues with wanting someone to give me the extra effort/time/consideration/thoughtfulness etc.. that I give.

Current situation:
I am an American living in Germany (I have been gone for 10 years now). Not for a job or relationship, just never felt at home in the states and always did when traveling overseas. I have a good degree, but it is very specific and cant really do a lot with it outside of the states. So, for the last 10 years, I have been doing jobs that I did not like or just fell into. I have never had a job that I really like.

I have either cut ties with or had them cut with a large handful of "friends" over the last 2 years. I just found that most of the "friends" you make while living as an expat is due to language (English speakers tend to draw to each other) and not really because you have things in common. Some of the "friends" I am very happy to be rid of (as were very false friends and never really friends at all (publicly making fun of me or speaking about "confidential" things to others.

I have a boyfriend of 3 years and we really dont have any major issues in our relationship, so the only thing in my life that works!!!

I am now unemployed and have the opportunity to change my life direction, but not sure if I am thinking about it to Run Away or to Better Myself.

I have the opportunity to move to Australia and go back to school (I should add here that I am 40). It would take 2 years and will only be an "Advanced Diploma" not a full degree. Because of this, I do not qualify for financial aid. If I go ahead with the move, I will barely have enough when I get there to pay the 2nd year tuition. I can work, but only 20 hrs a week. My bf was all gunghoe for this, but now is not sure he is ready to leave Germany.

I do not think I could do this alone, nor do I think it is fair to ask him to start all over from scratch. He has many friends here (no super close ones, but a large group of good ones) and I only have 1 "real" friend left here.

So, I have no clue how to decide if I should move or not. The only way I would stay here is if we were to start a family, but I do not see that happening. I do love the city I live in, I just dislike the "system" of Germany and the language barrier is too much to bare (and before you tell me to learn the language, I have tried for years and I am just not a language person, some people just are not - period!!!)

My idea is that if I move, I will be able to do more in English, for example - community ed type classes (art, photography, dance, yoga, etc...) and will be able to get a hobby and meet new people. Also to get an education in something that I actually like doing.

So, sorry for the long long long intro - but I am at a total loss and think I found this site by fate tonight :)

Thanks,
Hannah!
 
Unless you know that it really is the reason, moving to a different area isn't running away from your problems.

A fresh start can totally revitalize your life and if you do it it may be the best idea of your whole life.

Also, don't worry about being too old for college. Many people your age go to school. There was probably one person older than 30 in most of my classes and I went to a state university. I didn't start college until I was 23. I know its not 40 but I was a "non-traditional" student.

As for your boyfriend, if he doesn't want to follow you it could be tricky. Do you really need change in order to be happy ? Do you feel like your life is incomplete ? Is your current life really going not how you want to live it ? If you think this is true you should go anyway.
 
Hmm . . . well first of all I really don't think it would be fair to assume that your boyfriend would be willing to move to Australia with you . . . he has a job . . . friends . . . his whole life is in Germany. Talk to him about it . . .

Have you ever been to Australia?
How do you know you'll even like it?

Do you really want to go back to school and spend all that extra money when you have a degree for a job you can do back in the United States?

Have you ever considered moving back to the United States? Even for a short while?

I don't know, this sounds like a very hard decision.
Think hard and long about it - good luck.
 
Welcome, Hannah!

You probably already know this because you're already living in a different country than you grew up in, but I always think that experiencing different cultures is a great idea. You're an American...in Germany...and now you can see yet another different corner of the world by going to Australia!

I would definitely be cautious about feeling like this is the solution to all your problems, because I'm sure it's not going to be. If you go into this being fully aware of this, it's not going to be "running away."

I'm just a stranger on the internet, but I'd say go for it! As long as you look at this as another step in your multicultural life, and not a solution to your loneliness, it sounds like a great opportunity.
 
Sean said:
Hmm . . . well first of all I really don't think it would be fair to assume that your boyfriend would be willing to move to Australia with you . . . he has a job . . . friends . . . his whole life is in Germany. Talk to him about it . . .

Have you ever been to Australia?
How do you know you'll even like it?

Do you really want to go back to school and spend all that extra money when you have a degree for a job you can do back in the United States?

Have you ever considered moving back to the United States? Even for a short while?

I don't know, this sounds like a very hard decision.
Think hard and long about it - good luck.

Hi Sean,
We talked about this for a long time and as I stated, he was all gunghoe for this until it comes to crunch time.

He has already lived in Australia and has been back to visit half a dozen times. I have also been several times for extended periods. We are both around 40 and have spent most of our lives living/working/traveling overseas. I have lived/worked in 4 countries, he 5.

While we are both form the US, neither of us ever want to live in the states again. For him, right now the timing is now just off due to a few things. His current job is only til the end of the year (so perfect timing) - I think he is just scarred now for financial reasons. But we would be in nearly the same financial situation if we stay here.

We have quite a strong and solid relationship and talk about this all the time, I just wanted a neutral opinions. I think I am just scared as well to make the move. I would not have hesitated, nor he, 10, 15, 20 years ago - but now that we are 40-42, it just seems harder to start over again. We are both world nomands, it is not about the moving, just the feeling of "Here we are in our 40's and we dont have a home etc...." feeling :(

ugh!!!

ThinkPositive said:
Welcome, Hannah!

You probably already know this because you're already living in a different country than you grew up in, but I always think that experiencing different cultures is a great idea. You're an American...in Germany...and now you can see yet another different corner of the world by going to Australia!

I would definitely be cautious about feeling like this is the solution to all your problems, because I'm sure it's not going to be. If you go into this being fully aware of this, it's not going to be "running away."

I'm just a stranger on the internet, but I'd say go for it! As long as you look at this as another step in your multicultural life, and not a solution to your loneliness, it sounds like a great opportunity.

Thanks Think Positive! This is exactly what I am trying to do - but part of me just is not sure. Perhaps it is age that makes it different this time (would be the 5th country I will have lived and worked in). Thanks for your kind words!
 
I think you should relocate yourself to your preferred location as that may help you to build a new social network and get along with new people. A new place means new hopes and if you are not happy with the current scenario than opt for a new location. I suggest take the help of international movers as they may help you out in getting settled in a new country with ease and help you in the shipment of goods safely to your place.
 

Latest posts

Back
Top