Constant Cycle of Rejection

Firstly I know people have bigger issues than me but throughout my entire life my emotions have been treated like a toy and its officially made me completely depressed. I am so down now that I feel like crying all the time. I avoid going to university because I have lost all self confidence with people. I always think people are judging me, I avoid getting close because of how people have treated me in the past. In the last year I have made three friends and fell in love once, all people since have completely dumped me, without a word or an explanation. They simply have enough friends and don't need another one - or they get a bf and leave me behind. I'm also gay, I can talk to no one about this cause I was brought up in a Christian family and to a large extent all my many acquaintances would complete disown me.

I have tried finding myself - I have done everything from clubbing, university groups, online and existing acquaintances and yet I can't seem to find anyone and when I do they really hurt me - it happens over and over again. On the outside I generally act like I've got it together, I'm extremely friendly and nice to people and I seem to get taken advantage of for it.

I don't know - maybe I'm just not meant to have friends or find love. It just hurts and the worst part is no one cares in the slightest even people I have known for years.

TRUTH: Judging happens all the time. People judge, I judge, you judge. Everything, from the tip of one's hair to the sole of his/her feet. The world's just like that or rather, humanity is like that.

That used to be an issue for me. Let's just say I was paranoid about what other people might have been saying about me. I was so sensitive that I became extremely shy. Then I changed my mindset. I started thinking "Oh hey! I must be one heckuva important popular person to be talked about like that." It was a very slow change. I'm still a bit sensitive but it's not up to the point that I'll keep thinking about it to depress myself like I used to.

I think it really depends where you live. If you're in America I'm thinking people you know would be more accepting. On the other hand your family is Christian. Good luck with whatever choices you make.

Here's a tip. Don't be too nice. You will get taken advantage of. Stick up for yourself if there's something you don't agree on.

No man is an island my friend

im gay too

dont worry, it gets easier, youll find friends, you'll find love, just be paitient, and take it one day at a time

if you ever need to talk, you can PM me or AIM me at hiimshawnok

i kinda sorta recently came out and my life has improves 100x

Jeremy said:

Firstly I know people have bigger issues than me but ...

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I can't agree with that 100%. You're having to hide who you are, just to avoid being shunned by the people you know. I'd say that's a pretty big issue. Don't discount the problems you're facing, nor the amount of pain that it causes you. (((hugs)))

Welcome to the foum - I'm sure you can find people here who have been through similar things.

Your issues are important and you deserve to get help with them.

I understand your hesitation to come out. I'm bisexual and I could never come out to my family. Sometimes its just best to leave that alone if you are certain no one would understand. That may not be the popular answer but if you know that you will be disowned there is no reason to tell them. I do think you would feel better telling these new people in your life. Most people are ok with it. Put your past in the past and try to a start new.

Easier said than done...

I can't say thins about everyone but at college are often flakey and they might not even realize they are doing it. They are often social butterflies and they don't mean it. Just try to meet other people.

You are deserving of love and you are meant to have friends. Sometimes it takes awhile to make loyal friends.

Hi there! I think being stuck in the closet has a lot to do with some of your other issues/fears/loneliness. I actually do agree with Eris about being cautious about coming out to your religious family -- not to say they won't be okay with it, because you never know, but that's up to you to assess -- but that doesn't mean you can't talk about it to ANYONE.

Going to school can be good for you; you'll have something to focus on, people tend to be more open-minded, and there is usually some sort of GLBT resource center. You might even take a GLBT Studies class, where you can learn about the history/culture/issues of gay people. I'm not gay but I took one of these classes myself, and I learned a lot and also over half my class was gay, so this sort of environment could make you feel more comfortable.

But even if you choose not to go to school, I don't know where you live, but you could still look for a community GLBT resource center. I know for sure that fears about family disowning you is very common for young (or even older) gay people!