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iBreathe

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So I have been thinking...

When I log in here I always find myself experiencing this chaotic emotional dance over pretty much the entire spectrum of human emotions. To put it bluntly... so not a good thing. Some posts make me laugh, some make me smile, while others make me actually cry. It is relieving to know that there are people out there of all ages and walks of life that understand what I may be going through, but it is also more than a little disconcerting to feel like there are so many. I find myself getting depressed thinking of everyone and wondering if/when the hurt/loneliness/sadness will ever go away.

I guess what I am trying to actually say, is that I will not be returning here anymore. It is nothing to say against A.L.L or anyone here, it's just me and my inability to control the emotions I go through each time I get lost in forums. Logging in, and posting in the forums daily/every other day is more or less avoiding the issue at hand, for me. The issue being personal interaction. There is nothing wrong with forums, but for me personally... I'm avoiding actually talking to people. I'm not sure if I am making any sense here... sorry if I'm not. =/

You know how they say, 'No man is an island...etc.' well... no woman is either. Just because we have drama fits or go through what seems to be moody moments, doesn't mean you're seeing the full range of our emotions/feelings. We're brought up to be a certain way, because society frowns on women that can't carry the weight of the world on their shoulders. Having kids/families just adds to it, but gods forbid if we decide that we've had enough, and sometimes just need to let things go for a little bit. When everyone depends on you... letting things go (even for a moment) isn't an option.

What I am looking for, really, is an e-friend or two/three. Someone to email with here and there about nonsensical stuff, things on our minds, or even just opinions/debates. Just a mutual understanding of a need for another person to chat with, but without the usual strings.

I am not looking for personal connections, emotional attachments, or commitment. I would just like someone to touch base with, maybe daily, maybe not. Just someone to maybe share ideas, hopes, and dreams, and even those dark moments or days when we just need a shoulder to cry on. Thoughts and opinions and/or ventings are welcome as well. I am not judgemental nor do I hold bias regarding differences in opinions. It would just be nice to have a friend, even face-less, to just chat every now and then.

Maybe I am the only one looking for this, maybe not. And that's ok too. This is just me, being honest.

I adore classical music, but pretty much like most genre's except rap/country. I love to read almost anything, and always looking for another good book. I like great suspense movies, but I can never sit still long enough to watch one straight through. I love the sun... when it's cloudy, I can't seem to function. I love the rain and thunder/lightning storms. I'm fickle but loyal.

iGemini. That should explain everything.

Other than this... I am only beginning to find myself again. I woke up one morning, and realized that somewhere along the way I lost myself, so now the journey begins. I've been married and divorced and have decided I'm not going there again.

I'm jaded and hurt and maybe a little broken... BUT...
I.am.not.dead.
I can heal,
I can learn,
and I will change.
I just need a little support and understanding every now and then.

All this being said, I would like to thank each and every one of you that ever replied or chatted with me. Thank you for the laughs and smiles, and even the thought-provoking moments. Eve, especially... thank you for making me smile when I first signed up, and making me realize that even when things feel most chaotic, there are moments of peace and it can be from the kindness of strangers (just not the strangers with candy, driving white vans... remember kids, no candy from strangers!) xD

@WS (wandering stranger)- ty for the laughs. =) Give yourself more credit, you're totally worth it and please never stop laughing/making ppl laugh/smile. It's one of your more endearing qualities amongst which, I am sure, are many. Thank you for making me feel welcome in chat.

@the person with the white dog avi: Sorry, I cannot remember your name. o_O Anyhow, I liked how smart you are, but you don't throw it in peoples faces. You just sort of agree with things and add to them. Very cool.

@Liley: temper much, but forgiving. Cool. =)

@BJD: I dunno... you're so positive and upbeat! It's great, and yet boggles the mind as to how you even ended up on the site. o_O Anyhow, best of luck and thanks for the encouragement. =)

I hope everyone here finds the peace and happiness you are all searching for. You certainly deserve it.
Be well. =)

~E
[email protected]

PS
Sorry for the looooong ramble.
~embarrassed~ :$
 
iBreathe said:
@BJD: I dunno... you're so positive and upbeat! It's great, and yet boggles the mind as to how you even ended up on the site. o_O Anyhow, best of luck and thanks for the encouragement. =)

Heh... thanks. :p *HUG* Well, I hate to see that you're leaving the site, but... if that's what you need, then it's what you need. Take care, and know that we'll still be here if you should ever need any of us. ^_^

Good luck with things! :D
 
Hi, dear. I don't know if you will even see this or not, but I wanted to wish you a fond farewell. You were here, ever so briefly, but managed to leave a lasting impression - at least on me. This forum is a stopping place for most of us - some longer than others. I hope you took at least a little something from the forum, and from the people here.

Peace and happiness to you! (((((hugs)))))
 

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