I need to tell someone.

Sometimes I think i'm the saddest person to ever walk the dark corners of this Earth. No real friends, no real love, no real family, no real normal relationships. I wake up alone, I lay down alone. I talk to myself constantly, not because i'm crazy, but to keep myself sane from the isolation and pain. Unlike many other people my situation is truly woeful, being a young black male in a world constructed to exclude me, no matter how intelligent and hard working I may be, there is no escape from the psychological torment. I fear I will never find anyone on this Earth that truly understands or cares about me; society fears me, my own people despise those like me.. There is no winning or happiness in this place.. I'm leaving soon though, far away, and I hope to find some solace in a new environment. Can anyone help me with advise so I can live my life differently and hopefully more happily when I move..

"new environment"...I wonder what that could be...

I like to think that people don't judge someone based on the color of their skin. But deep in the bowles of someone's mind, I have a hard time believing that they don't. Perhaps they should...we are different...for better or worse...I'm still not sure.

grainofrice24 said:

"new environment"...I wonder what that could be...

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I'm moving to a different city.

Kalenjin91 said:

Sometimes I think i'm the saddest person to ever walk the dark corners of this Earth.

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Yeah that's what I feel like most of the time. I know that there are people in much worse conditions than I am, trying to deal with bigger problems. Like homeless people or people starving to death or little kids in Africa dying of thirst and hunger. Those people never had a chance to be happy and live a good life because they were born unlucky. But I was much more luckier than them, having access to much more facilities and having a considerably better life standard. What hurts me most is that I couldn't make use of this oppurtunity and made my life a living hell anyhow. I'm sure an average homeless doesn't feel as deeply and as intensely sad as I do.
Anyway, I guess I can't do anything but to wish you best of luck because as you see, I'm not in a position to give you advice.

you want advice?

the only advice i can give you is take chances. dont be afraid to get hurt, and dont be afraid to make mistakes. the more you make, the thicker your skin will get. but just live.

i agree with sadface. whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

i can relate to you. i'm like you in a lot of ways. i'm not black though. i'm mexican-american. it's not a good time to be a mexican right now with all the sb-1070 immigration drama going on in arizona. then again, when is it a good time to be a minority? texas looks like it's heading for an immigration reform too (i live in texas). civil war is the worst. my own people hate and reject me too for being succesful and because i've become americanized.

anyway, i moved here to texas about seven years ago from florida. i saw it as my opportunity to turn over a new leaf and start life over. maybe you should do the same. whenever you move to wherever you're moving, make a commitment to start over. don't just say it though. actually do it. start over and take on a new personality, attitude, and character. i agree with you on there not being any happiness in this place. i can't wait to make it to the other side. i wish you luck on your ventures.

-freedom

Love yourself and always take care of yourself.
Never lose hope.

Im in the same situation than you. Im almost all the time sad. And i also dont know what to do.

Just go out and talk to people, make conversation. Even to random people you see on the streets. Well, maybe join a club--then it wouldn't be so weird. You have NOTHING to lose at all by being a little friendly. If they don't like you, they don't. It's fine, just move on.
And yes, I know it's a lot more difficult than it sounds, and I'm pretty hypocritical myself. But that's the simplest advice that actually works. :/

Use the constant threat of failure or criticism to motivate you to do what you want to do. In a sense, prove them wrong, where "them" can mean a mentality or an idea or a stereotype or anything that you want it to mean. You cannot live the way you want to live until you help yourself. Find what you want to do, and do it. And how do you do it, regardless of what "it" is? Start doing it. START.

As for hurtful words, think of it like this: when people say something to you, TO YOU, YOU hear it. You hear what you say, and your ears send the signal to your brain to interpret the noise into meaning. It is your brain, so you can choose to let the words of others mean nothing to you, or destroy you. You choose WHAT THEY MEAN, the people speaking them only choose what the words sound like.

WerewolfChemist said:

Use the constant threat of failure or criticism to motivate you to do what you want to do. In a sense, prove them wrong, where "them" can mean a mentality or an idea or a stereotype or anything that you want it to mean. You cannot live the way you want to live until you help yourself. Find what you want to do, and do it. And how to you do "it," regardless of what "it" is? Start doing it. START.

As for hurtful words, think of it like this: when people say something to you, TO YOU, YOU hear it. You hear what you say, and your ears send the signal to your brain to interpret the noise into meaning. It is your brain, so you can choose to let the words of others mean nothing to you, or destroy you. You choose WHAT THEY MEAN, the people speaking them only choose what the words sound like.

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Hey thanks for replying.. you're post meant alot to me, it makes sense and makes me think about why I think and feel the way I do. I really just wanna tell everyone who made a helpful comment that it had a positive effect on my life, i'm not running through rosy fields yet, but i'm starting to feel a peace in my heart and mind just by thinking positively once in awhile. Everyones a work in progress, thanks guys.

WerewolfChemist said:

Use the constant threat of failure or criticism to motivate you to do what you want to do. In a sense, prove them wrong, where "them" can mean a mentality or an idea or a stereotype or anything that you want it to mean. You cannot live the way you want to live until you help yourself.

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Yes, exactly. This is so important. Thank you WerewolfChemist for putting it so eloquently. I'll try to put it in my own words, but I still think you've described it better.

Life says to me: "You're never going to succeed. You will always fail. There's no point in even trying. Why bother? Why make all that effort? You might as well give up now, and save all that wasted effort."

And I reply to life: "If I accept that attitude of futility, then I'm guaranteed to fail. So I refuse to accept it. I am going to try. I am going to bother. I am going to make all that effort, because there is a chance that I'll succeed."

It's not our victories that define us. It's the passion with which we fight our battles that defines us.

Kalenjin91 said:

Sometimes I think i'm the saddest person to ever walk the dark corners of this Earth. No real friends, no real love, no real family, no real normal relationships. I wake up alone, I lay down alone. I talk to myself constantly, not because i'm crazy, but to keep myself sane from the isolation and pain. Unlike many other people my situation is truly woeful, being a young black male in a world constructed to exclude me, no matter how intelligent and hard working I may be, there is no escape from the psychological torment. I fear I will never find anyone on this Earth that truly understands or cares about me; society fears me, my own people despise those like me.. There is no winning or happiness in this place.. I'm leaving soon though, far away, and I hope to find some solace in a new environment. Can anyone help me with advise so I can live my life differently and hopefully more happily when I move..

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i can sympathize with you friend a lot of us go thru life lonely waking up alone going to bed alone living alone ...its a painful life just dont give up and try to get out and meet people try your best to be on anti anxiety medication and get out amonst people ...wish you the best

Moaninglonewolf said:

Yeah that's what I feel like most of the time. I know that there are people in much worse conditions than I am, trying to deal with bigger problems. Like homeless people or people starving to death or little kids in Africa dying of thirst and hunger. Those people never had a chance to be happy and live a good life because they were born unlucky. But I was much more luckier than them, having access to much more facilities and having a considerably better life standard. What hurts me most is that I couldn't make use of this oppurtunity and made my life a living hell anyhow. I'm sure an average homeless doesn't feel as deeply and as intensely sad as I do.
Anyway, I guess I can't do anything but to wish you best of luck because as you see, I'm not in a position to give you advice.

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Thats how i view myself aswell, i have good living conditions currently, quite a few friends and some family around me but emotionaly i am in pieces. I have never been able to make use or take advantage of the facilities around me because i am such an anxious person, people avoid talking to me because im so quiet, they probably think im wierd, i hate the fact that im this way but because of how i am naturaly and my upbringing its almost impossible to change.... i am who i am and to change to a more extroverted person would be changing who i am completely, i am really not like normal people at all because i am so introverted.

I have NEVER had any emotional outlet in my entire life, not my family or friends although i do have a great bond with them. Personal things like emotions are something that are never talked about or dealt with.

"How are you?" The answer will be im alright.

I dont want to project my sorrow onto other people its not right but also not being able to has slowly caused me to have bouts of depression and extreme lonliness. I feel like such a burden to everyone and that makes me hate the way i am even more. When it comes to relationships, well, i am 23 and only one of my friends in my life has been a girl, i dont even see myself as worthy of having a relationship, the question "why would a female even have any kind of attraction to me anyway" comes to mind. I have had one job for a few months in my life, i actually hate not having a job and not having money, i have such a situational based mind though which causes me to be very good at some things but also hard to do everyday general things that some people wouldnt think twice about like walking through an area of town and it makes things really hard for me....

Friends offer to help pay with activities and things if they want me to join in with them but that is starting to REALLY piss me off, it makes me feel so worthless, despite the fact that they want me to be there, because i cant sustain myself but at the same time i want to be able to. If i didnt have friends i dont know where i would be currently. I probably wouldnt be alive anymore.

Teenage Dream said:

Just go out and talk to people, make conversation. Even to random people you see on the streets. Well, maybe join a club--then it wouldn't be so weird. You have NOTHING to lose at all by being a little friendly. If they don't like you, they don't. It's fine, just move on.
And yes, I know it's a lot more difficult than it sounds, and I'm pretty hypocritical myself. But that's the simplest advice that actually works. :/

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I totally agree. About a year and a half ago, I decided on my birthday that I would pursue new opportunities as they presented themselves to me. I can't say it has completely cured my loneliness, but it has helped me so much in so many other ways. I would make the same decision again for sure.

Seek out new opportunities. When you are asked or invited to do something, don't just say "no". Give it a try, at least once.