Time to say goodbye

I've known for a while now that I am slowly becoming less important to a friend. I think I've had it confirmed recently that whatever was there is now completely gone. I am hardly a footnote in that person's life anymore.

I need to let it go and sever all emotional attachment I have for this person, but it's hard. The pain of being cut loose gets in the way of the process of detachment and acceptance. I just wish I never cared to begin with.

It's a sort of grief process. You have to move through the pain of the loss and the accsptance of the situation will eventually come. It's liable to hurt for sometime but it will get easier to deal with in time. Process the feelings with tears or even anger. Write letters to the person and don't mail them, but in them express your honest feelings for whatever events lead up to this. It is hard to do this but it's the only way to move past this pain. You can't separate and detatch at the same time, you have to take it in steps. *Hugs*

I just recently let go of my last and only girlfriend because there was just nothing in common anymore. She sends me notes now and then but it's just not the same. I feel your pain. That's why I don't believe in attachment anymore. I hope you feel better soon!

It's never easy to say goodbye, and granted when you do, you sometimes wish you never said hello in the first place. But always remember: Time heals all wounds, but leaves a scar. Personally, I tend to disagree with the Nina's idea of "writing letters but not mailing them" simply because you would be dwelling on the pain. On the other hand, it may get some things off your chest...you do what you think is right for you.

The easiest way to move on is to move on - find something to keep yourself busy, be it the forums here, or hobbies, or work or whatever. Hell if you wanted you could PM me or anyone else around here for that matter (That Nina's a sharp one as well ). Before you know it the pain is dulled and all but gone. Granted, getting cut lose is painful, but to make it through makes you stronger.

I have been friends with who I consider my best friend for 13 years now. She lives a couple hours north, and we went from seeing each other at least 3x a week when she lived here, to seeing eachother a few times a year. At first, when she was making all her new friends in the new town, and she would only call me when things were going badly for her, I felt pretty pushed out and like I was just her fall back friend. Its been some years now and it still basically goes the same, but I know she still loves me, maybe more so because we have so many years behind us now. When she visits, its like having family here, and I know its the same for her because she recently told me so. I have three other friends who its the same, one lives out of state and I see her once a year or so, one I have known for 15 years and dont really even like who she has turned into, but with 15 years behind us, I see no reason to cut off the already sparse, but long lasting friendship. Its quality, not quantity, I think for once I really do 'get' it.

I dont know what your situation is like, but I know how easy it is to feel rejected when that is not how the other person is really feeling.

Not caring to begin with is what I do now. It doesn't become more important to me than it should be if I don't bother caring much. Which is where I'd like to stay. I'm usually the one who ends up caring more, and I just can't do that time after time. I don't blame you for letting it go.

Goodbyes suck balls.

Badjedidude said:

Goodbyes suck balls.

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darn yeah. +1.

Thanks for the replies, guys! I suppose I should have seen it coming. This friend would only act close with me when they were miserable and had no one else to go to; as soon as things were going well again for them, I disappeared. Now there seems to be a long patch of good in their life, and while I'm happy for them, I also know it means my role in it is over.

I would say there's a fine line between being a good friend who's always there, and being used. Seems like you were a good friend, who was always there through bad times. On the flip side, this friend should appreciate you whether they're having a bad time in their life or not. I think that's what separates people in your life. When you have someone who's by your side, for good and bad times, that's when they become that best friend. But, letting someone use you because they're feeling down, and they never include you in any of the good times... I wouldn't tolerate that.

futurecatlady said:

I've known for a while now that I am slowly becoming less important to a friend. I think I've had it confirmed recently that whatever was there is now completely gone. I am hardly a footnote in that person's life anymore.

I need to let it go and sever all emotional attachment I have for this person, but it's hard. The pain of being cut loose gets in the way of the process of detachment and acceptance. I just wish I never cared to begin with.

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Even though it's hard to feel the pain of a loss, don't give up on trying again and caring. As they say, "If you aren't rejecting and being rejected, you just aren't living". Rejection is a normal part of socializing. All popular people are rejected at some time or another. They handle it by focusing on the times that they were accepted. They believe that rejection is situational, that just because they were rejected by a certain person doesn't mean everyone will reject them. They externalize the rejection as a problem with the person, not themselves. Their perspective safeguards their egos.

If you refuse to try again, you are making sure you will be alone. If you risk rejection again, you just might find a good friend.

Wishing you well!

You can love and care for someone w/o any expectations. If you don't expect anything in return and and just give there's less chances you will feel hurt, actually there's no chance you'll get hurt.
I love Vanilla' signature "Expectation is the root of all heartache"

I do agree with the statement: "Expectation is the root of all heartache."
A lot of the time, when you give; you may expect the other person to give back as you did.
But sometimes...it doesn't happen.

If you do choose to give, it is best to also look out for yourself. Often, the most giving of persons are the ones that are the least appreciated and/ or are easily manipulated.
There are some people out there that only know how to take, take, take.
You have to know when to draw the line as to what behaviours are or are not acceptable for you.

I am sorry for how your friendship turned out...sometimes, the most painful decisions are for the best.

(((((Futurecatlady)))))

Every time I read the title of this thread I think you're leaving us and get sad.

lol. *hug*

SophiaGrace said:

Every time I read the title of this thread I think you're leaving us and get sad.

lol. *hug*

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I'm not going anywhere! Haha =)

SophiaGrace said:

Every time I read the title of this thread I think you're leaving us and get sad.

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After enough times, i think i would finally remember that isn't the case.

Minus said:

SophiaGrace said:

Every time I read the title of this thread I think you're leaving us and get sad.

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After enough times, i think i would finally remember that isn't the case.

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You would think, right?

Futurecatlady

Thank you so much for posting this thread. Even though I know you're hurting right now, you should know how much you just brightened my day. (that sounds strange, huh...) I just posted a new thread about my coworker, and it's the exact same situation as yours. You just summed it up better than me. Haha It would help if I didn't have to see her everyday, but

The advice here is so great, and I don't feel so alone. We just have to cut our losses (though in my situation, I'm not sure it's much of a loss) and know that time will heal all wounds.