Talking to myself

I talk to myself a lot. Seems easier than striking up a conversation with someone else. When I do speak to someone I'm constantly thinking about how they perceive me. Does he think I'm an ass? Does she think I'm hideous? I notice every little thing that person would do in the course of a conversation. Mike doesn't speak unless I speak. He only answers. Nathan doesn't ever sit down when he talks to me. Maybe Mike doesn't really want to talk to me. Maybe Nathan is the same and he doesn't want to sit because he'd like a quick escape. Nicole doesn't talk to me unless I'm toking up. Guess she's only there for the drugs. This extends to online convos as well. She hasn't replied in over 2 minutes, I suppose she doesn't want to talk to me. He's online but he hasn't even IM'd me once so I guess he doesn't like me.

These are serious thoughts. Seems so immature, like when I was a teen and I thought the whole world was out to get me. I retaliated by becoming an *******, by thinking myself superior. I don't care if he doesn't want to IM me. I'm better than him anyway and besides, his intellectual capability is lacking so we'd have nothing to talk about. Self delusion as some form of coping mechanism maybe? I wouldn't know. I don't study such things. Sure, I've read articles and know equally crazy people do the same thing. This has been hurting my social life for years. I perceive every little thing as some form of attack on me. I truly am paranoid and I suppose the drugs aren't helping that.

Now I know 'normal' is a very loose definition. That being said, I'd like to be what society deems normal. I'd like to carry on a conversation without all these thoughts in my head. Maybe then I can stop cowering in my little corner and properly interact.

Any of this make sense? Probably not but then I'm kind of a mess right now.

Oar,
this makes sense, and you aren't crazy.. at all. It's a social anxiety that so many people suffer from, It's almost scary how common it actually is.

I just want to stress the point, YOU ARE NOT CRAZY.

I think we all do this to a point.... for instance, when i am around a man that i find attractive, I over analyze myself to the point where I won't even finish a conversation with that person, because in *my* head... I am think that I am just so unattractive that this man may not even want to be seen even talking to me...

I know thats a different situation, but what you are doing is far far from crazy. It's really early right now, so i may not be making any sense... anyway, you are a sexy beast with so much to offer to friends and potential romantic endeavors...

I do a lot of the same things; I over analyze every social encounter I have with a person, even those online, and even with people I've known all of my life. I'm always worried I'm looking or sounds like a moron.

If someone doesn't message me first online, I often won't message them because I think I must be bothering them when they really don't want to talk to me. I hesitate to respond to emails and such because of the same reason. And I won't call someone first unless they ask me too for the same reason.

I still attempt to socialize, despite these insecurities and fears because I know they are silly. I think it all has a lot more to do with low self-esteem than with being crazy.

oarivan, i don't think you are crazy at all and i also over analyze when i talking to people. what you are describing, sounds like my thoughts as well.

i had enough of talking to people who don't seem to be interesting what i was saying so i had a chat with myself other day like i would talk to other people apart from i could express my feelings little bit more than with a person. after had a long chat with myself, i feel so much better and i didn't have anybody else to over analyze with. talking to yourself does help afterall

i saw my best friend other day, he keeps giving me cold shoulders then he was texting non-stop when i was around, i assume it was just me and he might've hated me or something. i was upset at end of day. next day he saw someone and he told me that they had a go at him for giving them cold shoulders so i was so glad it's not just me. my point was, they may be doing that to everybody else, not just you.

There's nothing wrong with talking to oneself.

And I think that EVERYONE analyzes social interactions as they occur... it's just that some people put less weight on those thoughts than others. We all want to be seen as welcoming and be amiable and connect to others. There's nothing wrong with looking at our actions and judging them.

But it can become a problem when you put too much weight on the smaller things, like if a person smiles at you while you're talking to them. No, it probably doesn't mean they're in love with you. Most likely they're simply communicating their understanding of what you're saying.

*shrug*

Actually, I have no real idea where I'm going with this, so I'll shaddup.

Oarivan, I know exactly what you mean. I could have written that post myself, especially now. I talk to myself all the time because there isn't really anyone else I could share my thoughts with. Every delayed IM feels like the death of a friendship and every wandering gaze feels like a stab to the heart. You're not alone. I, for one, think you seem like an awesome guy, and if anyone actually thought less of you, they're a complete idiot.

I can tell you as a female, I've never thought bad about you when talking to you. I like talking to you. We don't do it enough.