Hello all,
Im new to all this, i thought ill google the way i feel in hope to see images or read articles to mirror the way i feel, and hopefully feel inspired, and so i came across this site, which i thought was great, an outlet to share my thoughts, and seek for advise, so here goes.
Im 27 (asian), and have never been in a relationship, not even come close, throughout my life (since i was 11ish) iv been fixated on one particular girl after the next, there are three in total, i will go as far to say that i fell in love with these girls, but nothing have come from them, one (the first) i have never had the courage to even tell her how i felt, the other two, i did but both ended in rejection and just being "good friends".
Anyway the point im trying to make is that iv been alone all my life, luckily for me, for most parts i had my friends, but now, they all seemed to paired off and gone off their own ways, i see their lives progressing with kids, jobs, house, i still hang out with them from time to time, but always as a third wheel.
Im still with my parents, and losing all interest in what i used to have fun in doing, even hanging out with me friends, i drive home holding back the tears on envying on something i would like even a taste of. At home, is the worse, i sit in my room with many things that could occupy my mind, but feel i have exhausted them all. Iv tried online match making sites, still absolutely nothing, not so much a a reply from any of my sent mails, believe me when i say i tried it all, iv even been set up by my cousins with their friends, but was unsuccessful, i just come to a conclusion that theirs something wrong with me, maybe im boring? (actually i have been told that im "tooo nice") iv also tried doing things on me own, in hope i will meet others, but find i just get strange looks from people seeing me on me own, or probably feeling sorry for me...i dont know, i used to love watching films, but then get put off by the boy meets girl moments in every film, as it always ends up boy gets girl at the end, and find myself envious of fiction itself.
I feel i cant talk to my friends, as i think they sort of know what going on, but i really do not want to bring them down on my part, so i just act like it doesn't bother me and get on with just enjoying life, and i do, when im with company, but when the end of the day comes and im all alone on my way back home or in me room, work also helps, but the end of the day inevitability loneliness comes along. I used to remember during my school days, i used to see my house at a distance and i just come down in this rush of sadness, everyday.
I think at first the loneliness was fine, as i thought it will eventually come good if i keep trying, but at 27 it has taken its toll along time ago. i look around and see everyone has someone, girls i do meet just look straight through me as if i dont exist.
Every night i lay in bed hugging my duvet wishing it was someone, i even hug me pillow when im watching the telly, and the lonely feeling is making me angry at myself, as i feel as i have no one to blame but myself that it has come to this. I suppose im just jealous that my life just doesnt seem to have much purpose compared to others.
(The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves - a quote that i once read from a site)
Im even being made redundant at work, and the whole process on what i want to do as a career is getting to me, as i have no idea in what i want to do, im well educated, i have a degree, but just have no motivation in anything, even what i studied in. i find it all pointless.
Iv been reading some threads on people with similar issues, if not worse, its good to know im not alone, also some people on this site suggested volunteering work, so i will look into that.
Well if you lasted this long, thank you for reading, any advise would be appreciated, to those whom can relate, my only advise that i can give is not to give up, i know i wont, the one thing i wont be is a failure in life, as that is the one thing we all have given to us, just wish we all didnt have to deal with it on our own......suppose we all need to fight for something...if it isn't companionship it would probably be something else...survival perhaps!!!
Thanks again
Im new to all this, i thought ill google the way i feel in hope to see images or read articles to mirror the way i feel, and hopefully feel inspired, and so i came across this site, which i thought was great, an outlet to share my thoughts, and seek for advise, so here goes.
Im 27 (asian), and have never been in a relationship, not even come close, throughout my life (since i was 11ish) iv been fixated on one particular girl after the next, there are three in total, i will go as far to say that i fell in love with these girls, but nothing have come from them, one (the first) i have never had the courage to even tell her how i felt, the other two, i did but both ended in rejection and just being "good friends".
Anyway the point im trying to make is that iv been alone all my life, luckily for me, for most parts i had my friends, but now, they all seemed to paired off and gone off their own ways, i see their lives progressing with kids, jobs, house, i still hang out with them from time to time, but always as a third wheel.
Im still with my parents, and losing all interest in what i used to have fun in doing, even hanging out with me friends, i drive home holding back the tears on envying on something i would like even a taste of. At home, is the worse, i sit in my room with many things that could occupy my mind, but feel i have exhausted them all. Iv tried online match making sites, still absolutely nothing, not so much a a reply from any of my sent mails, believe me when i say i tried it all, iv even been set up by my cousins with their friends, but was unsuccessful, i just come to a conclusion that theirs something wrong with me, maybe im boring? (actually i have been told that im "tooo nice") iv also tried doing things on me own, in hope i will meet others, but find i just get strange looks from people seeing me on me own, or probably feeling sorry for me...i dont know, i used to love watching films, but then get put off by the boy meets girl moments in every film, as it always ends up boy gets girl at the end, and find myself envious of fiction itself.
I feel i cant talk to my friends, as i think they sort of know what going on, but i really do not want to bring them down on my part, so i just act like it doesn't bother me and get on with just enjoying life, and i do, when im with company, but when the end of the day comes and im all alone on my way back home or in me room, work also helps, but the end of the day inevitability loneliness comes along. I used to remember during my school days, i used to see my house at a distance and i just come down in this rush of sadness, everyday.
I think at first the loneliness was fine, as i thought it will eventually come good if i keep trying, but at 27 it has taken its toll along time ago. i look around and see everyone has someone, girls i do meet just look straight through me as if i dont exist.
Every night i lay in bed hugging my duvet wishing it was someone, i even hug me pillow when im watching the telly, and the lonely feeling is making me angry at myself, as i feel as i have no one to blame but myself that it has come to this. I suppose im just jealous that my life just doesnt seem to have much purpose compared to others.
(The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves - a quote that i once read from a site)
Im even being made redundant at work, and the whole process on what i want to do as a career is getting to me, as i have no idea in what i want to do, im well educated, i have a degree, but just have no motivation in anything, even what i studied in. i find it all pointless.
Iv been reading some threads on people with similar issues, if not worse, its good to know im not alone, also some people on this site suggested volunteering work, so i will look into that.
Well if you lasted this long, thank you for reading, any advise would be appreciated, to those whom can relate, my only advise that i can give is not to give up, i know i wont, the one thing i wont be is a failure in life, as that is the one thing we all have given to us, just wish we all didnt have to deal with it on our own......suppose we all need to fight for something...if it isn't companionship it would probably be something else...survival perhaps!!!
Thanks again
