is it just in my head?

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Szka

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I will try to keep this short so that more people would finish it.

i was not interested in love, i had little hope for it either. i tried to live a life but it was painful throughout because of loneliness. then i get to know this guy who was really nice to me, and told me a lot of future plans. he said he liked me because i was smart in school. i brought him home to see my parents, they were fine with him. i visit his house often and is familiar with his family as well. i slowly changed my cynical view on the world and on love.

i don't have many friends, i try to keep in touch with people but it didn't work out so well, and as he started to spend less and less time with me but more on the games i began to feel very uncomfortable.

i hate feeling jealous. i even bought limited edition game books for him because i want to prove to myself that i am not the kind that will not give the guys some personal space. but i find myself crying more and more and refuse to use logics anymore. now i feel he is doing the boyfriend role, as if he is acting following a book. i don't know. i cannot feel anything anymore. we almost never argued, if i cry it always ends up in a lecture he gives to me regarding "how to take it like an adult".

i wonder if i fell out of love with him. i am scared. and i want to run away from this. sometimes i feel i wont even mind being alone because at least there is no more surprise, or the need to watch something going down but i am helpless to do anything about it. i feel i am twisting myself to fit into the girlfriend role and wants to get an A for it. and it is a shitty feeling because it is pathetic. i hate to bend myself, i don't want to give in because i am not giving in to someone who will make me feel better anymore. now i am afraid to meet him, i cannot be myself and i might cry again, which is an unnecessary fuzz for both of us...
 
It's hard to say how much time is too much or too little for a boyfriend and girlfriend to spend with one another, first of all. No one can say except for the two of you.

It's supposed to be about balance. Just like how you need to give him his free time, he needs to put time into the relationship if he doesn't want it to fall apart. Both of you have to be doing these things for the two of you to be happy.

I think he's taking you somewhat for granted. I don't know things from his perspective, but when a guy says to a girl that she's not being an adult, he's disrespecting her and talking down to her. If he views you as an equal to him, then he's not going to lecture you on how to behave and call you a child. He's not taking your feelings seriously and even considering them.

In my opinion, you only have one of two options . . . .

Either break up with him or ignore him. Try to move on and be your own person (regardless of which choice you choose) as much as you can.

He views you as dependent on him and desperate. That's why he keeps accusing you of being a child. It's hard not to cry, I know, but try to just ignore him and not worry about the relationship and let him come to you. If he loves you, he'll eventually wake-up, realize that he's been ignoring you, and come running. Because if he keeps viewing you as desperate, then he starts feeling suffocated by you and if you cry all the time, he'll think that all you do is drag his mood down, so you have to try really hard not to care about him to show him that he needs to do things for you if he wants to keep you.

If he doesn't do this, well, then you can't MAKE anyone love you back unfortunately. And all the heartache you'll have to go through will be horrible.

But either way, I am here for you and you can complain to me any time. I definitely went through this with my boyfriend for a few months and I didn't always follow my own advice. He eventually got better and admitted that he had been taking me for granted and had forgotten for a short while why he fell in love with me in the first place, but I shed a lot of tears and crap before it got to that resolution.

The reason I said things the way I did is because I thought it might all just be in my head too at the time we were having these problems. He kept saying over and over again that I was overreacting so much that it was hard not to believe him, but if you're crying all the time like this, then there's SOMETHING wrong and he can't just ignore it and should be working on it with you.

You two at the very least should be trying to come up with some kind of compromise of how much time he spends with his friends versus you that will make you both happy and that both of you will stick to.
 

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