Szka
Member
- Joined
- Jun 24, 2010
- Messages
- 10
- Reaction score
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I will try to keep this short so that more people would finish it.
i was not interested in love, i had little hope for it either. i tried to live a life but it was painful throughout because of loneliness. then i get to know this guy who was really nice to me, and told me a lot of future plans. he said he liked me because i was smart in school. i brought him home to see my parents, they were fine with him. i visit his house often and is familiar with his family as well. i slowly changed my cynical view on the world and on love.
i don't have many friends, i try to keep in touch with people but it didn't work out so well, and as he started to spend less and less time with me but more on the games i began to feel very uncomfortable.
i hate feeling jealous. i even bought limited edition game books for him because i want to prove to myself that i am not the kind that will not give the guys some personal space. but i find myself crying more and more and refuse to use logics anymore. now i feel he is doing the boyfriend role, as if he is acting following a book. i don't know. i cannot feel anything anymore. we almost never argued, if i cry it always ends up in a lecture he gives to me regarding "how to take it like an adult".
i wonder if i fell out of love with him. i am scared. and i want to run away from this. sometimes i feel i wont even mind being alone because at least there is no more surprise, or the need to watch something going down but i am helpless to do anything about it. i feel i am twisting myself to fit into the girlfriend role and wants to get an A for it. and it is a shitty feeling because it is pathetic. i hate to bend myself, i don't want to give in because i am not giving in to someone who will make me feel better anymore. now i am afraid to meet him, i cannot be myself and i might cry again, which is an unnecessary fuzz for both of us...
i was not interested in love, i had little hope for it either. i tried to live a life but it was painful throughout because of loneliness. then i get to know this guy who was really nice to me, and told me a lot of future plans. he said he liked me because i was smart in school. i brought him home to see my parents, they were fine with him. i visit his house often and is familiar with his family as well. i slowly changed my cynical view on the world and on love.
i don't have many friends, i try to keep in touch with people but it didn't work out so well, and as he started to spend less and less time with me but more on the games i began to feel very uncomfortable.
i hate feeling jealous. i even bought limited edition game books for him because i want to prove to myself that i am not the kind that will not give the guys some personal space. but i find myself crying more and more and refuse to use logics anymore. now i feel he is doing the boyfriend role, as if he is acting following a book. i don't know. i cannot feel anything anymore. we almost never argued, if i cry it always ends up in a lecture he gives to me regarding "how to take it like an adult".
i wonder if i fell out of love with him. i am scared. and i want to run away from this. sometimes i feel i wont even mind being alone because at least there is no more surprise, or the need to watch something going down but i am helpless to do anything about it. i feel i am twisting myself to fit into the girlfriend role and wants to get an A for it. and it is a shitty feeling because it is pathetic. i hate to bend myself, i don't want to give in because i am not giving in to someone who will make me feel better anymore. now i am afraid to meet him, i cannot be myself and i might cry again, which is an unnecessary fuzz for both of us...