I am so mad right now I can rip someone's head off.

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njlonelydude

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All of this ******* sucks and I ******* hate it.

I can't stand it anymore.


One of these days I'm going to lose control of myself and go absolutely insane.
 
discolemonade said:
What sucks? What do you hate? We're here to listen

1) I hate my job: My boss is a ******* *mod edit*. I have nothing but ill will towards her. You know how sometimes people say, "I wouldn't even wish that on my worst enemy," well I wish all those things on her. I've thought about quitting without a backup job because I hate it that much, but I'm not sure how long I can live like that.

2) The people in my life: I hate/strongly dislike/am starting to dislike the majority of them. I hate my immediate family -- all the years of crap I had to put up with and am still putting up...I am never going to forgive them. The friends I've had in my life and have today, I'm not sure if I ever really needed them. The people I hung out with in high school, now that I think about it I really should've beat the honeysuckle out of them with a baseball bat. The people I hang out with now...they also seem ******* worthless.
I'm always trying to help people with honeysuckle: trying to help them find jobs (okay, so they didn't get hired, but I did what I could), tried to help them with their personal honeysuckle (they don't take my advice anyway, so fresia them for not listening) and trying to help them with whatever random bullshit they're going through. The worst part about this is that it's in my nature to be help people, even people I hate. So no matter how ungrateful these fucks are, I'll never stop trying...I wish I could be coldblooded towards them.

3) I hate Myself. You can't have this much hate without hating something about yourself first. I think at one point I could've had a very successful, happy life...but somewhere along the line I messed it all up. God has given up on me and so has the rest of the world. There's absolutely nothing that can be done about it. Maybe it's time I commit myself to a mental institution and let them dope me up, so I don't have to worry about anymore crap.


I know this is a place where a lot of people who deal with loneliness come to. I hate being alone and I have trouble dealing with my loneliness. But sometimes I wonder if my life would be better if there were times where I chose to be alone instead of hungout with people who might've been holding me back.

I cannot stand this anymore. I have trouble sleeping because all I think about is how much I hate being alone. honeysuckle, sometimes I'll only get 3hours of sleep a night because all these thoughts keep me awake. I know some people will say, "Well it's your own fault for not doing anything about it." Ya'know what then, I guess it is my own ******* fault -- I PUT ALL THE BLAME ON MYSELF. I am completely incapable of fixing this honeysuckle (whether it's because of own weakness or because of forces outside of my control), so I deserve all of it.

And who the fresia can I talk to...NOBODY. I am not telling my family or friends about this because this isn't information that they deserve to know. I do not trust anyone enough to get close to them. And no ******* way am I going to see a therapist. I feel that if I let anyone get close to me, they're going to use that private information against me. My trust has been broken one too many times. It's come to the point where I don't see people as people anymore, I see them "assets." The whole time I'm thinking "What can that person do for me?" and not thinking about establishing a real relationship with someone. The only reason why I don't use others for personal gain is because it means nothing to me. I can have all this honeysuckle and and the end of the day I'll still feel like honeysuckle.

I kind of hate being this way. I wish there was someone I could completely confide in so I could let all of this out. But that's not going to happen. All I'd like to do is smash my head into the ******* wall.

I've honestly given up on myself and humanity in general. I see only bad things in people now, and people who act really nice I see the worst in. To me, that person who's acting very nice is putting on a performance because he/she is really evil-as-fresia. I expect everyone to be an ******* at the end of the day.

I am going to die an old, lonely and completely insane man.
 
I don't think you're looking for advice? But I read that entire thing.

Have you been looking for another job?

Also, you said you wish you could be coldblooded to your friends. It's very obvious that you are on the inside.

My advice if you want it would be to take a vacation somewhere far from where you live with no communication for that time period
 
Also, hating being alone and wanting to push people away - at the same time - doesn't work. There's too much conflict in that, and your feelings are headbutting each other.
 
Someone needs to work through his anger....

though I don't quite know how he should go about doing it.
 
SophiaGrace said:
Someone needs to work through his anger....

though I don't quite know how he should go about doing it.

I really like it when people tell me I have anger issues because what they're basically saying is, "You don't fit my view of a perfect world, and I think you need to change yourself until you do."

Some people are born angry, some people are born happy, some sad...etc. Do I need to change my personality traits just so other people will accept me?
 
SophiaGrace said:
Someone needs to work through his anger....

though I don't quite know how he should go about doing it.

That's a condescending way to put it.
 
njlonelydude said:
SophiaGrace said:
Someone needs to work through his anger....

though I don't quite know how he should go about doing it.

I really like it when people tell me I have anger issues because what they're basically saying is, "You don't fit my view of a perfect world, and I think you need to change yourself until you do."

Some people are born angry, some people are born happy, some sad...etc. Do I need to change my personality traits just so other people will accept me?

And you said you get angry when people don't take your advice?

I said what I did for a reason. Not to be condescending (like Minty suggests) but you yourself predicted that if you continue to be as you are you're going to end up old and ...something (which I can't quite remember off hand). So maybe you should listen to what you said to yourself, which is that you can't live with your anger.

You wrote a wall of emotionally charged words on the other page. And, just reading it was overwhelming for me, I can't imagine how YOU feel with all of that bottled inside of you if it affected me in that manner just by reading it. That's why I said "Someone needs to work through their anger..." meaning "Wow you have a lot of emotionally overwhelming stuff going on inside of you right now."

And again, I don't know how you would go about alleviating some of this anger since I frequently feel angry myself.
 
SophiaGrace said:
And you said you get angry when people don't take your advice?

I said what I did for a reason. Not to be condescending (like Minty suggests) but you yourself predicted that if you continue to be as you are you're going to end up old and ...something (which I can't quite remember off hand). So maybe you should listen to what you said to yourself, which is that you can't live with your anger.

You wrote a wall of emotionally charged words on the other page. And, just reading it was overwhelming for me, I can't imagine how YOU feel with all of that bottled inside of you if it affected me in that manner just by reading it. That's why I said "Someone needs to work through their anger..." meaning "Wow you have a lot of emotionally overwhelming stuff going on inside of you right now."

And again, I don't know how you would go about alleviating some of this anger since I frequently feel angry myself.


Anger isn't the issue, it's an emotion like every other emotion out there -- it comes out differently for some people.

If I was angry and things were going fine with me, that'd be a problem. But being angry because things aren't going the way I want is a normal reaction.
"Dealing with the anger" instead of dealing with the root cause of it is a bad idea. Unfortunately I will never able to deal with the cause of it, so I will be like this for the rest of my life.
 
njlonelydude said:
Do I need to change my personality traits just so other people will accept me?

No you don't, however, don't expect people to just put up with however you feel like treating them. People don't have to deal with you or your seemingly bad attitude towards things. You can't possibly expect people to bare the weight on your shoulders because you throw it at them.
 
njlonelydude said:
SophiaGrace said:
And you said you get angry when people don't take your advice?

I said what I did for a reason. Not to be condescending (like Minty suggests) but you yourself predicted that if you continue to be as you are you're going to end up old and ...something (which I can't quite remember off hand). So maybe you should listen to what you said to yourself, which is that you can't live with your anger.

You wrote a wall of emotionally charged words on the other page. And, just reading it was overwhelming for me, I can't imagine how YOU feel with all of that bottled inside of you if it affected me in that manner just by reading it. That's why I said "Someone needs to work through their anger..." meaning "Wow you have a lot of emotionally overwhelming stuff going on inside of you right now."

And again, I don't know how you would go about alleviating some of this anger since I frequently feel angry myself.


Anger isn't the issue, it's an emotion like every other emotion out there -- it comes out differently for some people.

If I was angry and things were going fine with me, that'd be a problem. But being angry because things aren't going the way I want is a normal reaction.
"Dealing with the anger" instead of dealing with the root cause of it is a bad idea. Unfortunately I will never able to deal with the cause of it, so I will be like this for the rest of my life.

Why cant you deal with the cause?
 
VanillaCreme said:
No you don't, however, don't expect people to just put up with however you feel like treating them. People don't have to deal with you or your seemingly bad attitude towards things. You can't possibly expect people to bare the weight on your shoulders because you throw it at them.

I don't treat anyone badly.


SophiaGrace said:
Why cant you deal with the cause?

Because I'm starting to accept that I am destined to be eternally messed.
 
you arent enernally messed, no one is.

you have to move on and look at what youre blessed with, even if theyre small things.
 
discolemonade said:
you arent enernally messed, no one is.

you have to move on and look at what youre blessed with, even if theyre small things.

I agree. :)
 
discolemonade said:
you arent enernally messed, no one is.

you have to move on and look at what youre blessed with, even if theyre small things.

This is going to sound mean, but that statement is dumb. It's like you're basically, "You should just be happy with what you have and not want anything better than it."
Well, you know what I have...nothing.
 
I'm sorry things feel dead-endish for you right now and I hope things get better for you even though you dont believe they will.
 

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