Ive been married for close to 10 years and I can count the number of times Ive been held by my wife. I have great kids and would never abandon them. I've mentioned this to my wife 100 times but it doesnt seem to work. I'm trapped, I cant leave and all I want to do is hold and smile with someone. I'm a hard working responsible person and I dont think I'm asking to much...any thoughts?
Apparently happily married but desperately lonely
- Thread starter KelnTorr
- Start date
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EveWasFramed
Guest
KelnTorr said:
Details here are fairly vague. I'm hesitant to comment on a relationship issue with so little info. "Mentioning" something to your spouse and actually having a serious conversation are two different things. I'm unclear as to what "mentioned this to my wife" means. Can you elaborate?
Welcome to the forum by the way.
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Nina
Guest
Keln Torr--
Certainly everyone who is in a serious relationship needs to have their needs for closeness met. I have to agree with Eve though that what you've stated is too vague to actually engage in any sort of exchange. Does your wife have health or psychological issues that prevent her from wanting demonstrative contact? Is there a deeper issue in the marriage? What are you doing or saying to prompt a change? Once we get a better picture of the screnario, lots of these bright folks will be able to offer thoughts.
Welcome to the forum.
Certainly everyone who is in a serious relationship needs to have their needs for closeness met. I have to agree with Eve though that what you've stated is too vague to actually engage in any sort of exchange. Does your wife have health or psychological issues that prevent her from wanting demonstrative contact? Is there a deeper issue in the marriage? What are you doing or saying to prompt a change? Once we get a better picture of the screnario, lots of these bright folks will be able to offer thoughts.
Welcome to the forum.
Badjedidude
Well-known member
Welcome to the site.
Eve is right. Have you ever explicitly discussed the situation with your wife? Seems to me that if you wanted to be held, you'd tell her so and make sure she knew that this was an important requirement for your happiness and the relationship's stability.
*shrug*
Eve is right. Have you ever explicitly discussed the situation with your wife? Seems to me that if you wanted to be held, you'd tell her so and make sure she knew that this was an important requirement for your happiness and the relationship's stability.
*shrug*
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downbythebay
Guest
well, KelnTorr, first off, welcome, second, has this been going on since the day you had your first date? If so, I believe this is just her personality and you shouldnt have expected it to change after getting married. If not, then I believe it is an issue and it can be a very sad one. I have been in similar situations where affection was not being given to me the way I was giving it out. At the same time you don't want to keep mentioning it because then, if she does start holding you, etc, you will think it is just because you complained and not because it was her idea and she really wants to. I don't have much of a solution for this one, but being married as long as you all have been, it does seem that there is a distance between understanding one another that probably shouldn't be there. You can continue to get our opinions, but they will vary and you'll have to come to your own conclusion. Either way, the solution isn't to just leave the situation as-is if its bothering you. Hope this helped a lil
- b
- b
Hi, Everyone!
Thanks for your replies...lost my password and am finally looking at the site.
I know there are always two sides to everything. However, my wife has said that she is not a ''touchy person''. I have mentioned that this is an important thing to me but, alas nothing really has changed. I'm not particularily looking for a solution just wondering if this is a normal thing is some relationships.
I find myself very susceptible to ''nice'' friendly women, but havent really gone any where with it. My wife says that I will help anyone and be there for anyone, but I never have long conversations with her!
Probably telling. However, I know that if I had some level of affection I would devote myself to my new friend.
Thanks again
Thanks for your replies...lost my password and am finally looking at the site.
I know there are always two sides to everything. However, my wife has said that she is not a ''touchy person''. I have mentioned that this is an important thing to me but, alas nothing really has changed. I'm not particularily looking for a solution just wondering if this is a normal thing is some relationships.
I find myself very susceptible to ''nice'' friendly women, but havent really gone any where with it. My wife says that I will help anyone and be there for anyone, but I never have long conversations with her!
Probably telling. However, I know that if I had some level of affection I would devote myself to my new friend.
Thanks again
E
EveWasFramed
Guest
alonewanderer said:
lol, Im sorry, but that is a bit naive, dear.
People change...they grow and can be someone completely different in a few year's time. Neither of them may be the same person now - ten years after they got married.
Badjedidude
Well-known member
^^^Voice of wisdom.
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All In The Mind
Guest
*Original welcome censored*
lomojojo
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downbythebay said:
Downbythebay, you are absolutely right.
As for the OP I can tell you about my experience. I've been married for 18 years. There has been some BIG issues in our relationship and at some point I've felt trapped the way you describe it. He is a very nice guy, my kids are great. I've even considered divorce, but on the other hand I am comfortable at the moment. So back to your question yes I guess your situation is common in marriages.
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Nina
Guest
lomojojo said:
I can say "Amen" to that too. Hubs and I will have 20 years in, in a few months and we've changed dramatically through the years. In many ways we never even really got to fully know each other. I was 22 when we got married and then came 2 children a year apart and busy careers. I'm happy to say we're back-tracking now and putting in the effort to "really" get to know each other. Communication and cooperation is everything if you want to hold it together. Not passing remarks to each other or dropping occassional hints but full-on talk your hearts out. It's the only way....
TheKitchenLady
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I too, am "apparently happily married". I own a retail store and my husband is a pilot. We have a teenage daughter. Last year, I had concerns because the level of intimacy between my husband and I had dwindled to nothing. In December 09, I found he was having an affair with another woman. He says it wasn't intimate, but when I confronted her on FB, she changed her picture to a close-up of her breasts with a reserved sign. So, if it wasn't intimate, it was on it's way there after 9 months of flirting. He says it is over, yet he shows me the minimum of affection. I get more affection from strangers in my store than from him. I had a car accident 5 weeks ago resulting in my vehicle being totaled and I sustained a significant concussion and whiplash. I was taken to the hospital by ambulance because I lost consciousness after the impact. His only concern, "You didn't total the car, did you?" Well, no actually, I didn't, but the person hitting me did. He says if "I" want to go to counseling, I can. He doesn't feel there is anything wrong with him or our relationship. When I tell him my concerns about his 9 month relationship with another woman, he says, there is nothing to worry about. Nothing happened. I love you. I want to be with you forever. Well, I now have a problem, I love him. I have for 22 years, but now I do not trust or respect him and he expects me to fix it. Well he broke it, what is he doing to fix it? The last time we were intimate-intimate was Father's Day! I am 56, blonde and shapely and I get plenty of offers of companionship. But I am not the cheating kind. So what do I do trapped in this affectionless marriage. He also says, we are older, old people don't have sex that often. So, I should be happy with twice a year on my initiative. A side bar, I have seen on his laptop, he is servicing himself on porn sites when he is away. Any suggestions? Insights?
TheKitchenLady said:
Hello,
I am new to this site and also "apparently happily married" but oh so lonely.
My husband is the best friend I have, but (like that of the lady above me) my marriage lacks sexual intimacy, and has for the past six years or so. I feel sure that I'd be at least somewhat lonely even if we were still regularly intimate, because I've always been at least somewhat lonely no matter what.
My husband and I do hold hands and sit real close most evenings though and that helps.
I'm very glad to find this forum and I hope it will be helpful to you too, Keln Torr.
To the lady above me - The Kitchen Lady - I can only say I'm so sorry that affair happened to you. I am close to your own age but I have experienced that with two boyfriends when I was 20 and 30-ish ...extremely demoralizing.
I totally understand where you are coming from KelnTorr. That's why I joined this site. Wanted to see if other people were going thru the same thing. This has been ongoing for me too and I have been "happily married" for 17 yrs.
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SophiaGrace
Guest
I"m sorry your wife doesnt hold you, that sounds rough. I wish I could say more, perhaps marriage counseling is in order?
LGH1288
Well-known member
KelnTorr said:
JMHO she wants to be your primary focus and she wants your undivided attention. She'll be more affectionate once she feels your love for her. Pay attention to ALL her needs. LG
