Loneliness,

I dislike. i dislike. i dislike my life. everyday, is just like a programmed situation. Bad at socializing, bad at talking to people, to everyone else, im just invisible. loneliness hurts so much. everyday i get home, it's dark in the house, there's no one home. sister comes home late at night, due to school work. for me i leave the house earlier everyday since i have sch, while my sis, in university have flexible timeframes, never wake up at the same time with me. I spend the day alone. i waste my day away on surfing the web, i have no one to talk to, no one to tell my troubles to. Keeping all to myself is really painful. Dad works overseas. Mom.. has an illness and is overseas too.
I really think sometimes, i'm alone, i existed alone, started alone, and will aways be alone. it's okay. it's okay. i can take it. afterall i was alone at first to begin with. I end up restricting my emotions. and now it's getting heavier to carry on. 3 years ago, a move from my hometown to somewhere else made it hard to communicate and make friends, and now moving away from where i was familiar with after 3 years, back to my hometown because of my mom's illness, made it even harder for me to make friends. i am now but alone. i always think, i can be compared to a shadow. The worst thing is, i am starting to enjoy this loneliness, and feel that i just exist alone. That i enjoy and like being alone.

I am sorry to hear that, i can understand enjoying the loneliness after a while of being mainly in your head and on your own you stop being able to connect to people around you and stop trying to communicate with people you meet.
I can often be like this, although i think its mainly because of my anxiety which got worse and worse until i would hardly talk with anyone, but since i have found this place i feel less sad and alone.

Maybe you could too, we have a separate chat room which is nice even if you don't say anything at first but you can usually find someone online most times.

I do hope things get better for you.

And also welcome to the forum .

Have you tried reaching out and asking people to movies and coffee with you? You should join an organization...try to talk to people instead of surfing the web.

I think a lot of people feel lonely when they leave high school and can't find friends in college, or when they move out of their parents house, where they were used to being close to their parents and now find themselves without a close attachment to anyone. It is painful. Most people deal with this by finding a significant other to be with or by joining a close clique of friends so they don't feel so alone.

heck, there are even fraternities and sororities made for this express purpose.

Being alone is good... in moderation. It allows you to reflect on things and such. Yet the way you sounded at the end of the paragraph reminded me of Gollum. Too much isolation can make you go crazy. You have to avoid it somehow.

You seem young just remember that you have your whole death ahead of you.

My family ignored me almost entirely as well.
Your words I have spoken exactly to myself.

I can't even remember not being alone.
If I actually saw the number of hours I spent leveling materia and other kinds of stupid bullshit on games I'd be liable to kill myself then and there.

What I have learned though is that you will soon be a master craftsmen, to your own cell. Nail by nail, board by board, you construct obstacles. Tears fill your moats.
You are alone, you don't want to be. You're afraid to make a move, so you want to be alone. You like being alone, so you get better at it. You don't want to be alone, but now it is harder to do what I was able to do before. You're afraid to make a move, so you want to be alone. You like being alone, so you get better at it. You don't want to be alone...

If you do not let it out, it will be let out of you.
This I can verify.
It will not be pretty.
This, I can also verify.

I hope things change for you guys for the better If only there was a way to siphon misery from you to me, I'd do that for a lot of people.

I'm lonely myself. I live alone with no family, friends or a even girlfriend. Work in a hospital as an RN is the only thing I have. I like helping people get better even if it goes largely unrewarded (Monetary issues aside)

If I could ever have a "super power" I'd choose the ability to take people's pain, misery, sadness, loneliness and disease into myself just like that movie "The Green Mile". Even at the cost of my life.

And should I die and be forgotten that would be fine --I'm a sucker for melancholy and a romanticist for meaningful deaths.

You do substantially more good to the world alive than dead.

Even as profit is exceedingly driven after instead of the well being of fellow citizens, you still do far more good to the world than a thousand of myself.

They can make even a smile cost a dollar, but you will just keep an open tab.

I've had that feeling many times before myself as I grew up. I can call it nothing more than suicide porn (I didn't call it anything other than feeling awesome for just a few fleeting moments at the time). It was how I used to feel before I actually got serious about trying to kill myself.

I wouldn't mind dying... if I enabled multitudes more to be freer than before.
I wouldn't mind dying... if I prevented the destruction of a hundred homes.
I wouldn't mind dying... if I saved someone from a burning building.

I, wouldn't, mind, dying...if.., I just wouldn't mind it at all.

After so many scenarios to which I would let myself go, why not just do it?
Why give anyone anything when the whole point of me doing this is because they have given me nothing? So even my death robs me of any attempt at appreciation? To hell with that and this coil.

Keep track of yourself doing that please sir.
You do so much already that I think you might be under appreciating it.

SophiaGrace said:

Have you tried reaching out and asking people to movies and coffee with you? You should join an organization...try to talk to people instead of surfing the web.

I think a lot of people feel lonely when they leave high school and can't find friends in college, or when they move out of their parents house, where they were used to being close to their parents and now find themselves without a close attachment to anyone. It is painful. Most people deal with this by finding a significant other to be with or by joining a close clique of friends so they don't feel so alone.

heck, there are even fraternities and sororities made for this express purpose.

Click to expand...

ay, join an organization, a social group, hang out at a lounge, even tolerate those people that you hate at times, but those rare moments you can finally laugh and be at ease.

Have you tried drinking to loosen yourself up? For dancing I always need a beer or two before my legs can feel as if it's doing something right. DON'T overdrink though, you don't want to sip your alcohol like it's a god **** water. But if you've never attended college yet, go to a college, evne a community college, with some kind of art program or something (not so "businessy" progressive) and just hang out there, read a book, if someone keeps eye contact with you just act like you know them and say "hey whatsup". or however u normally greet someone.

And remember, nothing comes to anyone easy at first, it takes time to build up social skills.