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-I apologize for the length-

I acted out of character today and asked my coworker for an unbiased opinion about my friend situation.
I'm not going to feel guilty anymore. Why should I feel guilty when I know I always put 110% into my friendships? I had asked my coworker if it made sense for one certain circle of friends I have to complain and talk sh*t amongst themselves about me for not keeping in touch with them. Mind you, I have texted each of them within the last month or so. Before that, I heard nothing from them. Also, they didn't say anything to me about it (I only found out when I had texted one of them; they called me and told me about the complaints of the other friends). I understand that every single one of my friends were spoiled by me with presents, weekly calls, daily texts, keeping up with their facebooks, plans for birthdays or weekends, overall staying super up-to-date with their lives, etc etc etc but the only reason I became less available to anyone was because of serious personal problems. I still am dealing with these, but am a lot better. All of these friends know about these issues.
I thought it was strange that they never checked on me while I was going through things but when I would reach out, say on facebook, I would get no response. They would do things together and never invite me. Still, I didn't hold it much against them. It wasn't until I noticed that this was a trend going on with all my friends from different circles that I realized that I was the only one that valued my friendships with any of them. I tested this theory by simply not trying anymore. Lo and behold, I haven't heard from or seen anyone in weeks/months. So when I heard that, that one particular circle of friends were complaining, I just went a little crazy.
So, I'm not feeling guilty anymore. I don't see what sense it makes for anyone to blame me for these friendships no longer existing when no one else contacts me, when no one else acts like a friend.
Why this happened? I have no idea. Maybe if I didn't notice the pattern I would have gone on being every one of my friends' groupie and never realize that they weren't there for me or probably didn't care. I guess this way is best. If I can't find people that will be the real thing then I guess I'll be fine on my own.
I can say that I do have a few people that care about me. They are just not close in distance to me, so I understand us not talking everyday and certainly us not hanging out frequently. Hopefully, someday I'll find a circle of actual friends.

-Thanks for reading-
 
I find your post confusing because you seem like you are saying that doing things like giving a friend or friends lots of attention should make them like you more and more, eventually making them want to hang out more... infact that would probably do the opposite and it may seem to them like you are actually just trying too hard.

I think the best thing is to try and be an active participant in conversations with your friends, even if its a disagreement and to bring up subjects not to just sit by the wayside and sometimes input something. Also i think the worst thing when considering a friendship is to be emotional with your friends as in become emotional if there is a disagreement or something similar. A disagreement, for example, shouldnt be a bad thing and everyone has their own opinions, infact to voice your own opinion on something whether its disagreement or not is usually a very respectable quality, but to get upset about it and act emotionaly is definatly the worst thing to do when considering socializing with friends.

I think for friends to want to actually hang out the best thing is to just seem like you want to spark conversation about different subjects, ofcourse most friends are friends not because of being showered by attention but just because of being able to have deeper conversation than with someone you dont really know because of a bond you get by just knowing the person and what might interest them... being interested in lots of subjects and wanting to learn about them helps with this ofcourse and also ofcourse helps with talking to people you dont know.

I am not saying this is actually what you are like but i thought i would share some comments of my observations to do with socialism, i am certainly not a counselor. What i said could well be all a load of crap. lol :p
 
Sorry if the story was confusing- I did try my best.

The issue wasn't that I smothered my friends. Believe me, when I said I was there for them I didn't mean at an obsessive level. I definitely had my own life and spread myself between them all (there were a lot of them). There are people who I am no longer friends with that have told me in the past that they miss the support I gave them and the type of friend that I am. I don't think anyone has any complaints with the type of friendship I offer.

I've asked different friends from these circles what was going on and they never have an answer. I won't go on and on but I've done my research and come to the conclusion that it's just not my fault. Friendships change, people change. All I'm saying is that I noticed that I was the only one who ever put effort in my friendships and now I'm not going to do that anymore or feel guilty when they unfairly complain about me not being apart of the unbalanced friendship anymore.
 

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