is it supposed to feel this way?

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kermithomer

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maybe Im just stuck in self-pity, but is life really supposed to feel this lonely? I keep getting the thought in my head that theres something wrong with me - I know thats just some horrific lie, but at the same time, I just feel so alone, like no one will ever love me. Why is it the minute that I feel someone might be interested in me, I get my hopes up, and then when they change their mind for whatever reason, I feel absolutely crushed?? Is life really supposed to feel this painful??
 
No, it's not. I had the very same thoughts in my teen-age. If You live with Your parents i'd like to know where the hell they are in all of this. No offense, but my parents almost caused my death numerous times so i can be quite unforgiving for those ******** who don't even notice their children are depressed.

It's obvious You haven't been shown half of the love You've deserved in Your life. It's not Your fault, i can spot the kind soul in Your posts.
 
Kermit,

No, you are NOT supposed to feel this way! Modern life is VERY lonely. Very unnatural for people to live alone and secluded in tiny, stressed nuclear families!

We are meant to live in Clans! (Not just racially divided clans, to ensure genetic variation). We are meant to live in COMMUNITIES. You will find your circle of friends one day!


Much love,

LG.
 
No, I feel the exact same way. That's why I think I'm so afraid of rejection. I build my hopes up and fear the fall that may come. I think I've lost windows of opportunity in the past with chicks b/c of my my fears stalling me. Life is painful man. It's cold out there. Without someone close to your heart the only thing people want from you is money or work. Love is an essential ingredient to a happy life. Without it you are just pushing honeysuckle around for someone else for a buck and sleeping. I'm seriously beginning to believe that happiness is only possible with someone near me.
 
lonelygirl said:
Kermit,

No, you are NOT supposed to feel this way! Modern life is VERY lonely. Very unnatural for people to live alone and secluded in tiny, stressed nuclear families!

We are meant to live in Clans! (Not just racially divided clans, to ensure genetic variation). We are meant to live in COMMUNITIES. You will find your circle of friends one day!


Much love,

LG.

Couldn't have been said better myself. Keep your head up and don't give up in life. Your one will come eventually.
 
Robin that is fantastic! I totally agree that any parents who don't notice and/or do anything constructive about their kids' depression or sadness should be slapped very hard. My parents never dealt with their own emotional issues and that rubbed-off on their kids with messy results.
I love the idea of a community and I just joined a welcoming community group who invited me to spend time with them on weekends. I think it is impossible as a lonely individual in this society to find a partner easily and quickly because there are many social barriers and requirements of a person that are quite frankly, not suited to an emotionally-wanting individual.
Please find a group of caring, like-minded and similar (in some way or form) people who you can join a community with because it is not worth the heartache doing this alone. Good luck :)
 
I appreciate Your effort, Ricardo and agree with what You say about finding like-minded people.

ricardo361 said:
Robin that is fantastic! I totally agree that any parents who don't notice and/or do anything constructive about their kids' depression or sadness should be slapped very hard. My parents never dealt with their own emotional issues and that rubbed-off on their kids with messy results.
I love the idea of a community and I just joined a welcoming community group who invited me to spend time with them on weekends. I think it is impossible as a lonely individual in this society to find a partner easily and quickly because there are many social barriers and requirements of a person that are quite frankly, not suited to an emotionally-wanting individual.
Please find a group of caring, like-minded and similar (in some way or form) people who you can join a community with because it is not worth the heartache doing this alone. Good luck :)
 
having no one to appreciate and love you is awful. I just had a great friend leave me and there is such an emptiness!! I put my heart into this girl but never got enough back. the problem was that I was so needy for love that it scares away someone. Somehow we have to be well rounded, content and confident to succeed with the other sex ( i think...)
 
dukey said:
having no one to appreciate and love you is awful. I just had a great friend leave me and there is such an emptiness!! I put my heart into this girl but never got enough back. the problem was that I was so needy for love that it scares away someone. Somehow we have to be well rounded, content and confident to succeed with the other sex ( i think...)

I am also very, very needy. I need alot of love and support from my spouse to be able to be in a good mood (and help others). A partner can give You much more love than anyone else ever can and that's why it's important to find one (and understandable why people feel so empty without one.)

It seems to me as this girl somehow either didn't quite understand that You wanted her to be Your lover (in a potentially platonic way, as well) or didn't see what she's looking for in a partner in You. She might not have been ready for that sake either.

I understand that You can feel it's quite a task to "succeed" with the other sex, but i believe that the relationship that doesn't come easily (as in the two parts being completely sure about the other one being "the one") isn't worth fighting for, not only because, as You say, it might be a lost cause anyway. Jumping into something isn't something i recommend (even if the two of You are crazy about each other), but going through a hazzle to get there probably isn't going to satisfy Your hearts desires either.

Searching for more and trying to get to know more contacts (women, in this case) is more important than giving it all out for one person, if You're not certain that the feelings are mutual with Your current catch. Some day, i'm sure, most of us will meet someone we wish we'd meet instead our current partners, i'm afraid, so don't jump into things if You want something to last forever.
 
I am not depressed, I just think living sucks, so I'm not sure what the difference between being sad and lonely all the time and being depressed is but if you are depressed then you should deffs see a shrink or something and take some meds. If you're just sad and lonely, there is some unfortunate news for you because life sucks and the only one who can make you feel better is yourself. I'm sorry, but it's true. I've tried to blame the way I feel on my parents and other people bet in the end I'm the one who feels that way, not them. So I hope you find peace but I don't think anything is wrong with you, unless the same thing is also wrong with me as well.
 
I think that Your state of mind actually is called being depressed, Qui, (though it might not be a "deep" depression) because a depression comes naturally when You've been feeling bad for a long time (the trait itself is time-based as well as mood-based).
who are depressed can have, which sure can make them do horrible things themselves, they are just as mentally stable as anyone; a shrink is not the indefinite solution to any depression. Even if they would try one out, and even if they would become relatively glad again for many months, if the reason for why they became depressed in the first place isn't taken care of they will just go back to that horrible state and probably be having worse thoughts about it than before, i'm sure.

I think that depression almost always is caused by the lack of social contact of some sort, which i'm sure alot of people here would say as well. I would say it like this; life sucks if You don't have someone around You who You can do anything You want with and share everything You want with. It may be because of our reproductive instinct, but that instinct sure is trying to aim us the right way; love is heaven itself!

The source of the problem that most of the people here have (and around the world!) is that (almost) none of us are taught how to be social or why it's important. Since love, for example, makes You feel so much better about life and makes You able to get up and start working to reach Your dreams, i think it's plain stupid that social learnings aren't a bigger part of school. These days, when it obviously is hard for the minorities (and the people who think they are a minority; "weird") to be happy to be themselves, it's no wonder that people think life is hard and sucks!

It's true that You must work Yourself to have the life that You want, and that's why depression is so dangerous since it makes You inactive, uninterested to most things and mentally too tired to try and do anything about it by Yourself. Makes the lack of social learnings make even more sense. I can't say that our parents don't try to teach us these things (i've only had one pair of parents who didn't teach me a thing) but whatever they're doing, it isn't enough. We must be taught to understand that socializing is important and a possibility even for the people who feel "weird" and special.

"I've tried to blame the way I feel on my parents and other people but in the end I'm the one who feels that way, not them."

Oh does that sound familiar; doesn't matter who's fault it is, You won't feel any better if it's someone else's fault. True.

All the people who are here... i don't think this is some base for "the weird" or anything, every human being will go through a period of loneliness, and i think that no matter which kind of problems that made people come here, they are just as normal as any glad person but have been facing their problems for a too long time. There's no general reason to say a person who's lonely is a failure, but i understand how it can feel like it... there's a lot of unseen feelings and thoughts that pop up when You become depressed that You didn't have before.

If total freedom for socialization isn't an option for a person, seeking for like-minded people and finding a group You feel welcome and important in is one of the absolutely most important things You can do in Your life.

Qui said:
I am not depressed, I just think living sucks, so I'm not sure what the difference between being sad and lonely all the time and being depressed is but if you are depressed then you should deffs see a shrink or something and take some meds. If you're just sad and lonely, there is some unfortunate news for you because life sucks and the only one who can make you feel better is yourself. I'm sorry, but it's true. I've tried to blame the way I feel on my parents and other people bet in the end I'm the one who feels that way, not them. So I hope you find peace but I don't think anything is wrong with you, unless the same thing is also wrong with me as well.
 
Life is not supposed to feel this way. The problem is, we're just very unlucky.

I've always felt lonely and this didn't really hit me until I was an adult. I tried really hard to make friends but I was very awkward and no one really wanted to talk to me. I made a few friends when I went to college, but it was superficial. When I look around me, I notice that most of my family members are lonely and unhappy. Most of what we deal with is due to genetics, with some of it due to the environment. If there's anything I've learnt from life, it's that luck has everything to do with your own happiness. If you're doomed from the start, then there's really nothing you can do. The people out there who seem happy and vibrant are just extremely lucky. If you were born as a poor kid in a Third World country, there's pretty much nothing you can do about it. If you were born a Hilton, then you're destined for a great life.

I don't think there's any point in blaming anyone either. I used to do that, but it didn't really make me feel better. After this long period of loneliness, we start to feel numb and become more and more detached from society. We become disinterested in the things that used to make us happy, we care less and less about our future, and the downward spiral pretty much keeps going and going.
 
I think depression is such a blanket term. People are pretty amazing; no two people are exactly alike so I have trouble using such terms to blob different personalities together. I think everyone has something to give to society but also everyone needs their society to help them out too. People are social creatures, we need attention. We can't develop properly without someone to notice us. But it isn't right to blame out problems on other people because they don't notice us. Loneliness happens when you have trouble connecting with other people. I don't find that to be remarkably weird. After all, this entire website is directed to us, right?
 

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