I think that Your state of mind actually
is called being depressed, Qui, (though it might not be a "deep" depression) because a depression comes naturally when You've been feeling bad for a long time (the trait itself is time-based as well as mood-based).
who are depressed can have, which sure can make them do horrible things themselves, they are just as mentally stable as anyone; a shrink is not the indefinite solution to any depression. Even if they would try one out, and even if they would become relatively glad again for many months, if the
reason for why they became depressed in the first place isn't taken care of they will just go back to that horrible state and probably be having worse thoughts about it than before, i'm sure.
I think that depression almost always is caused by the lack of social contact of some sort, which i'm sure alot of people here would say as well. I would say it like this; life sucks if You don't have someone around You who You can
do anything You want with and
share everything You want with. It may be because of our reproductive instinct, but that instinct sure is trying to aim us the right way; love is heaven itself!
The source of the problem that most of the people here have (and around the world!) is that (almost) none of us are
taught how to be social or why it's important. Since love, for example, makes You feel so much better about life and makes You able to get up and start working to reach Your dreams, i think it's plain stupid that social learnings aren't a bigger part of school. These days, when it obviously is hard for the minorities (and the people who
think they are a minority; "weird") to be happy to be themselves, it's no wonder that people think life is hard and sucks!
It's true that You must work Yourself to have the life that You want, and that's why depression is so dangerous since it makes You inactive, uninterested to most things and mentally too tired to try and do anything about it by Yourself. Makes the lack of social learnings make even more sense. I can't say that our parents don't try to teach us these things (i've only had one pair of parents who didn't teach me a thing) but whatever they're doing, it isn't enough. We must be taught to understand that socializing is important and a possibility even for the people who feel "weird" and special.
"I've tried to blame the way I feel on my parents and other people but in the end I'm the one who feels that way, not them."
Oh does that sound familiar; doesn't matter who's fault it is, You won't feel any better if it's someone else's fault. True.
All the people who are here... i don't think this is some base for "the weird" or anything, every human being will go through a period of loneliness, and i think that no matter which kind of problems that made people come here, they are just as normal as any glad person but have been facing their problems for a too long time. There's no general reason to say a person who's lonely is a failure, but i understand how it can feel like it... there's a lot of unseen feelings and thoughts that pop up when You become depressed that You didn't have before.
If total freedom for socialization isn't an option for a person, seeking for like-minded people and finding a group You feel welcome and important in is one of the absolutely most important things You can do in Your life.
Qui said:
I am not depressed, I just think living sucks, so I'm not sure what the difference between being sad and lonely all the time and being depressed is but if you are depressed then you should deffs see a shrink or something and take some meds. If you're just sad and lonely, there is some unfortunate news for you because life sucks and the only one who can make you feel better is yourself. I'm sorry, but it's true. I've tried to blame the way I feel on my parents and other people bet in the end I'm the one who feels that way, not them. So I hope you find peace but I don't think anything is wrong with you, unless the same thing is also wrong with me as well.