Lonely in university.

Hi, this is my first post. And I guess this is my story.

I'm a 20-year-old girl in my third year of university. After completing the two years of pre-requsites at my hometown university, and a long, tedious application process, I got accepted into the journalism program at another university 2.5 hours away.
At first, I was ecstatic. I worked really hard to get in, and I was looking forward to moving out of my parents' house for the year. I wasn't too worried about leaving my friends or boyfriend, because it was close enough that I could come home on weekends. Basically, I thought that life was going to be great.

Well, it's only been a month, and I have never felt this miserable and lonely in a long time. The last time I felt like this was was in grade 9, when I was the "new kid" in high school. And even then, I still

I have no friends here, only some people that I can hardly call acquaintances. The dorm room that I had fun decorating on moving day feels like a prison cell now. All the students on my floor except me are exchange students who all know each other already. I wish I could join their conversations but i'm just too shy. I don't leave my room except for classes, meals, walks, and the occasional grocery run.

The school part of it isn't that bad..it's a lot of work, but I was definitely expecting that. However, I don't feel like I really "bond" with my classmates. It's already difficult for me to make friends because i'm shy, but the fact that this is a very competitive environment makes it worse...everyone wants to write the best stories, and it just seems like no one is there to make real friends. People here are juvenile enough to steal each other's story ideas, for God's sake.

Also, to complete degree, we'll eventually have to complete a 4-month internship at a news outlet somewhere in the region. It could be anywhere, it depends on who likes your resume. There's the small chance I'll get a placement back home, or even here in the city i'm living in now, but most likely i'll end up as an assistant writer at some small-town newspaper. It's bad enough being here, I can't imagine how i'd survive in a small town with no one around me and nothing to do.

I wish I was one of those people who enjoyed change. I just hate feeling like a homesick baby, and I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself. People tell me to "just get out and meet people" but they don't realize that for a quiet, introverted person, it's easier said than done.

I always complained about my old city, but the saying is true - you don't know what you've got til it's gone. I did drive home on the first few weekends, and while that was nice, I don't want to get used to it because once the highways get bad in the winter and the homework starts piling up, I won't be able to visit as often. It also sucks because I get a temporary high when I'm heading home, but on the drive back to school sunday afternoon, it's all I can do not to start bawling. This weekend will be my first spent alone in my dorm room.

Basically, I'm unbearably lonely, and I miss my hometown. I'm happy just to get a phone call from my parents or a text from a friend. I'd give anything to make a friend here. I want to do well in school but my sadness is bringing me down. I cry myself to sleep every night...I'll even start crying out of nowhere while watching tv, driving, sitting in the cafe...it's pathetic.

Sorry for writing an encyclopedia. I'm not looking for sympathy, I guess...I just need to know that I'm not the only one who is feeling this sad at college/university.

-Riley

Welcome to the site.

Hi greenbeans. I just found the site too. Im nearing the first year of my first year at university away from home. I know some of the difficulties your going through.

Hi Riley. I had a pretty lonely time at university studying journalism too, but I think that's just a coincidence.

At least you're not too far from home. My advice is to concentrate on your friendships from back home. Some people meet their best friends at university, some don't. Those who do often end up losing their friends from home. It's possible to have both but it doesn't always work out like that. Try and remember that especially when you see other people seemingly having such a great time, think about the good times you have when you go back home. It's exactly the same thing, just in a different place.

Does your university have a student magazine or newspaper? If so I'd suggest getting involved as soon as you can. That way you can be interacting with people and your shyness won't be a problem because it will be your work that they are interested in at first, you can develope friendships from that.

Also, don't put pressure on yourself to bond with your classmates or the people you live with. They way you describe them they don't sound like the kind of people you want to be friends with anyway. The fact that you haven't struck up friendships with them isn't necessarily your fault. Your shyness might be contributing, but if they are d***s then the friendships wouldn't work out anyway.

As for the internship, look at it as an opportunity rather than another challenge. I eventually made a couple of friends at university but don't have contact with any of them any more - however, I am still in touch with several people I have worked with in the six years since graduating. Just because you haven't made friends or feel lonely in one place or situation, doesn't mean you will inevitably experience the same thing somewhere else.

I felt like this when I was in college. Now I'm on a leave of absence trying to get myself together. Have you joined any clubs or organizations on campus? Sometimes that helps to make friends. ((((((Greenbeans))))))

Yeah, I'd echo what other people are saying. I think that's one of my biggest regrets in college, not being involved in clubs. It's a great way to stay busy and meet people. It's easier to meet and get to know people if you're doing a common activity.

I know how you feel with this university stuff. Basically life sucks and you have to deal with it. It's either that or die...

Cynic said:

Basically life sucks and you have to deal with it. It's either that or die...

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Nuh-uh. Life can get better. Just don't give up.

i am similar situation as you.. i am in 6th form at school, since my best friend left, i have gone from loud to quiet and shy peerson. i feel so lonely at school and there is nobody talk to apart from teachers.
people (teachers) keep telling me go out there and talk to my classmates as well, they just don't understand.
you are not only one and this could happen to anyone or anywhere

I'm in a similar situation too. I spend a lot of time in my room and I wonder what my roommate thinks of me being there all the time. I only go out for class, work and getting food too.
The best advice I can offer is to join a club like the others said and attend regularly. I have joined two but haven't made any friends just yet but I think that the more people see you the more interested they will be in finding out who you are. At least I hope
Don't give up and try to focus on the positives; we shy people just have to try a little harder

I used to just sit in my room all day and had no people I could call my friends either. I went out and joined several clubs, slowly people started talking to me even though I am quite shy. So I'd say my best advice to you would be think about what interests you and to join clubs on campus that appeal to you, and even if no one talks to you at first, keep sticking around long enough and people will, trust me

hey greenbeans.
again im another person in yet another similar situation. at university, no friends, spending most of my time alone etc.. Last year i was in a different college and in my 3rd year there i figured a trick for getting to know people.
Most people suggest joining clubs and societies and its probably a good idea. i just never had the energy that it would have taken to make the effort.
One day last year i was coming back to my apartment (full of people i didnt know) but i was too tired to even go into my room. before i knew it i was on the couch surrounded by people i didn know but who at least i was talking to. that was the start of friendships for me.
I really think it was down to the fact that i was too tired to even care what anyone thought. the energy i would usually use to second guess myself and make myself too nervous to speak wasn't even there. you know wen sleep is all you care about you dont put as much effort into worrying bout what people think.
Dunno if this story would b any help to you but hopefully things will pick up for you soon

Saaame here. Going on my second year here... lol how pathetic. I basically have my boyfriend, who doubles as a best friend too, but I want muuuch more than he seems to want to give. Thats it. Once in a while I hang with someone new but it never lasts. Kinda my fault, I find people so dull :/

What helps me is keeping in touch with someone all day if possible. Its hard to find another needy person though XD Maybe better now that we found this site. Yea, another soul who wants to connect as much as you, and keep up with you all day. Thats what I like anyway.

BitterLove said:

I find people so dull :/

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Nice attitude.

Good luck on finding friends that way.

Its not an attitude, its just how it is.

BitterLove said:

Its not an attitude, its just how it is.

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Bah people arnt dull. Unless you have no interests and find everything on this earth and beyond, dull.

You would think so! I keep trying to figure out the ratio. Eventually I must run into someone who likes what I like, right? lol, I dunno. Miami is notorious for its unfriendly people.

Miami is so flat... yuck... so much flatness is so dull... I wish there were mountains... ^_^

And what does make people dull?

Thank you for the replies, everyone. I just got home from another weekend visit and once again the tears started as soon as I hugged my boyfriend goodbye. It will be a while before I get to come home again, because I am swamped with upcoming assignments.
I don't really have a lot of time for clubs, but I might consider joining one anyway if it will help. I have also kind of made an acquaintance in my class, however, she's 14 years older than I am and we don't have a lot in common in terms of life experiences. I guess it's a start.

I just keep telling myself that this is only a short period of my life, and that I will have my degree in less than 2 years and I won't have to deal with this ever again...I hope.