never had a girlfriend

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chillin

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Hi guys,

This is my first post. I am a 22 year old guy and just starting grad school. To be honest, I have always been good at making friends, with guys and girls. I have a good sense of humor, and can strike up a conversation. But I have never had a girlfriend!

I am decent looking, maybe a 7.5 (would be an 8 if i could get rid of this $%#%^ acne already!)

I am worried that at 22 it is getting a little weird if a girl asks and I have to say I've never been in a relationship. I worry that she will think I have some sort of problem.

To be honest, until I was about 19 I didnt really want a girlfriend. A lot of girls that I was "friends" with in highschool were ditzy and not interesting. Then in college, I thought I was a player and didnt need a girlfriend, but that was stupid because even if I would make out with a girl at a party it would never become anything meaningful. At age 22, I have had sex only 12 times ever, and never more than 3 times with the same girl. I think my lack of experience makes me not a great lover, too.

My senior year (about 6 months ago), I met a girl at a bar and hooked up with her that night (just kissing on a staircase for 10 minutes). It sounds the same as any random girl but something clicked and I was really into her like no one else before. She was out of my league, probably a 9. I took her on a date 3 days after that first night, just for lunch, and it went OK, but I was really nervous, and had a big pimple on my cheek (I'm 22, enough with the pimples, please!) and so next weekend both nights I invited her and her roommates to come party with my roommates but both nights she made excuses, and I think I definitely came on too strong and creeped her out. Then, to make matters worse, I made this ridiculously long facebook message about how we were graduating soon and i really liked her bla bla bla... and completely creeped her out. I'm an idiot. But I had honestly never done that before, usually I don't really get excited like that about girls. But it was just depressing because apparently whenever I actually like a girl, I get way too excited and overthink everything and come off seeming desperate.

Any advice on how to start a mature, healthy relationship in your early 20's? at this point I really want to start one, I think its an important part of life that I simply haven't participated in. I've never been in love at age 22 and it makes me sad. I feel like I seem shallow to other people, but I'm not, I am really passionate but I just have a hard time sharing it with other people.
 
Why do you think you came on too strong? What did you say and do exactly in more detail?

It's hard to give you advice, unless I know more about what happened.
 
I love when guys, or girls, think that the other person is "out of their league" and then you wonder why you can't get them... Really? Ya wonder why... The mind is a powerful thing, and when you believe it to be true, it is true. Stop thinking there's this scale of "hotness" that determines if people can be together or not. It's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of. How about, if you liked her, just tell her that, and maybe ask her out to lunch. It's not that difficult.
 
VanillaCreme said:
I love when guys, or girls, think that the other person is "out of their league" and then you wonder why you can't get them... Really? Ya wonder why... The mind is a powerful thing, and when you believe it to be true, it is true. Stop thinking there's this scale of "hotness" that determines if people can be together or not. It's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of. How about, if you liked her, just tell her that, and maybe ask her out to lunch. It's not that difficult.

Yes it is... lol :p

No i agree it is rediculous but, especially for people with low self esteem like me, for people who are shy and also dont see why a girl would ever want to be with their sorry ass, its hard to not think down those lines of thought. I have had a suprising look from a very attractive girl once after i played a gig, she purposely turned her head to look at me and i swear to get eye contact because she was basically walking in the opposite direction to where i was sitting but i choose not to follow anything up because one, i thought she probably thought i was wierd or something so thats why she looked at me, two, if i did try and talk to her i would not have a clue what to say and would make myself look like a total idiot and three, she was "way out of my league". lol
 
No it's not. Really, it's not. Even if you're nervous and such, it's not extremely complicated.
 
VanillaCreme said:
No it's not. Really, it's not. Even if you're nervous and such, it's not extremely complicated.

Its not complicated for some, if you have absolutely no experience in this area plus your really shy aswell it makes it very very hard to do though. It depends on the person, alot of confident people can go up to a girl and just chat, i would would personally feel really uncomfortable in the situation ofcourse otherwise it would be no problem for me and its probably mainly due to lack of experience and anxiety of social situations.
Its more than just not knowing what to say, its the situation itself. You start thinking about the situation too much and it causes you to trip up on yourself or just not be able to think of what to say at that point in time. Alot of shy people over think situations, this is the problem... otherwise it wouldnt be so hard. :(
 
VanillaCreme said:
Stop thinking there's this scale of "hotness" that determines if people can be together or not.

I agree. It's a lot less complicating if you just get to know people instead of putting them on a pedestal because they got a lucky handful of genes.
 
chillin said:
Hi guys,


Your the man! all you got to do is ask a girl " do you want to be my girlfriend?"

Meet and hangout with some girls when you meet one you like ask her. Most girls are looking for realtionships

Who cares if you havnt had a girlfriend before?! That sounds good to me all i hear is that you dont have any baggage which is a good thing dont be scared just ask
 
yajaira said:
Hi guys,


Your the man! all you got to do is ask a girl " do you want to be my girlfriend?"

Meet and hangout with some girls when you meet one you like ask her. Most girls are looking for realtionships

Who cares if you havnt had a girlfriend before?! That sounds good to me all i hear is that you dont have any baggage which is a good thing dont be scared just ask

Gah if only it was that easy! Its not as easy as that for me....
 
I feel your insecurity, shybuthi, i feel it. like most things in life, starting a relationship is a case of easier said than done, but without giving any effort, failure is guaranteed. Success may not be a sure bet, but we never know till we try.

now to apply said positive platitudes into my own life...
 
suckaG said:
I feel your insecurity, shybuthi, i feel it. like most things in life, starting a relationship is a case of easier said than done, but without giving any effort, failure is guaranteed. Success may not be a sure bet, but we never know till we try.

now to apply said positive platitudes into my own life...

Its rediculous for me though... i can play guitar in a band on stage and even knock out a solo acoustic tune on stage, ofcourse i am very nervous though, but when it comes to a social situation i fail. lol

It really is just over analyzing the situation.... With this being the reason it makes sense how i find it so much easier when a bit drunk (although i still find it generally harder than normal people when they are drunk). Its hard to get out of this mindset when you have been like it for your whole life.

Oh well like some others said, i guess force is the key.
 

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