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Why do I keep thinking that a girlfriend is so important?
#1
I've never done anything with a girl. This makes me feel bad about myself, and as a result, I have low self-esteem and no self-confidence. Everyone tells me that if I were more confident, then girls would like me.

I have no confidence, but I would be confident if I had a girlfriend. But I can't have a girlfriend unless I'm confident. I'm stuck in an impossible situation. I want to open a locked door, but the key to open the door is on the other side.

Maybe if I stopped trying to get a girlfriend. I don't understand why, but, it always seems to be on my mind. /sigh

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#2
No, no, no! Just laying down and stop looking for something that You want won't help You an inch. Zorg, You are the key, just open the darn door and let Your heart do the thinking in the new maze You're about to enter; Your brains obviously don't have a map anyway! Most of us guys starts to get reall shy around women once we realize what the heart is aching for; *Gasp!* GIRLS ??? We're way too much into thinking what this and that would do in a conversation and blablabla. Your feelings can't lie; if You show them You show the real You.

It's pretty scary to just ignore the mind for once and start using a rather unexperienced part of Your being, i know! Man i weren't a 10th the man i am now when i was in Your position. I felt like nothing and that made me become "nothing". Talking from own experience, which pretty much is the only thing we can believe in these days, and seeing how single friends of mine still are left in the teen-age stage without an idea on how to take on the world, love isn't just an important part of a persons life; it's an essential part. We need it to be able to go and do what we want to do in life. It's what give most of us the reason to live at all! I know that i wouldn't be able to move an inch if my relationship ended; i'd be completely uninterested in reaching for my dreams and unable to function, simply because nothing is of any value if You can't share it with someone else. I'd have to find me another life partner real quick to not screw it all up! But that's just me; i know there are much stronger people out there who'd manage alot better than i would. I'm simply a guy who needs alot of love and closeness to someone to feel allright. And i heck won't stop until i do because i know i'm a damn good guy! (See that? Noticed? I admitted i'd be weak and yet are so confident in myself. Believe in Yourself, Zorg, Your heart-ache, the most important pain You'll ever have, will guide You and, perhaps not always tell You the right thing to say, but lay out the arrows that You should follow. Let the heart guide You and THEN use Your mind when You can't hold it nor more. Wink )

You obviously got the brains; i like You already! You just need to dare to open that door in Your way and, without bringing Your shield down for incoming attacks (never know what might happen; perhaps the stock-market will drop and someone will throw a cup out of a window on Ya!), simply go by Your feelings, calm and smooth, when You're around someone You wouldn't mind spending the rest of Your life with.

When we look for love we have to use the right part of our body for the search. The brains don't know what the heck to do in the beginning of the journy Your about to take, so why use it? LoL, don't take that literary though; You don't want to toss Yourself over the next woman You see simply because Your heart said "Oooh, a mate!" and see what happens.

Use Your heart, take it slow, never stop; keep pushing those damn boulders in that maze out of the way because here comes Zorg! Repeat!
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#3
Zorg,

Love is beautiful.

AND Hollywood pushes this concept that if you don't have a lover, you are not worthy.

Bull!

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#4
Also, a lot of those "lovey dovey" scenarios which you see all around you is good Hollywood acting as well.

Zorg. Please do me a favour. When you go out please observe couples (including friends) and try to determine what you think other guys possess that you don't which enables (or enabled) them to be successful in romantic relationships. I have known guys who weren't very confident but have been more successful in romantic relationships than I have.
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#5
I can relate to the frustration, I'm over 25 and have never had a girlfriend...
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#6
I think it's really sad in this day that something so simple as finding a mate should be so difficult for so many. I'm in a similiar boat. I really miss having someone in my life...just that feeling of holding someone and staring into their eyes. I'd give anything in the world to have that again.

I wish I could stop thinking about it...all it does is depress me.
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#7
Similar to just lost - I am at a stage where I wish I could stop thinking about it so it wouldn't hurt so much.

As cooljohn recommended Zorg, I do study other couples; a lot. I am on the female side of things so I don't know much about the male side, but more often than not I am baffled that people that really treat each other pretty badly somehow manage to stay together.

In myself I just try and make sure I treat others with the respect and loyalty that someday I hope someone will extend me.

I do hope you meet the right person Zorg. I understand what Robin is saying about that love and acceptance helping to give one the strenght and encouragement to move forward. I bet it is a good feeling when you know someone has your back. On the flip side; do make sure you can be strong for them (and yourself) too; it is too dangerous to put all self-esteem and self-worth on the love from another. In the end they probably cannot fill you up entirely.

People do say that sometimes love walks in your life when you are not looking and least expecting it so maybe if right not it is your central focus; you would find relief if it wasn't...good luck with that though, I know I can be dismal about letting go of hope for that someone special.

I am trying to think hard about what are some good options for you because I feel like I am not really helping at all...try and be open and receptive to the people that move in and out of your life; you will never know who you might find.
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#8
(08-09-2007, 12:44 AM)JustLost Wrote: I think it's really sad in this day that something so simple as finding a mate should be so difficult for so many. I'm in a similiar boat. I really miss having someone in my life...just that feeling of holding someone and staring into their eyes. I'd give anything in the world to have that again.

I wish I could stop thinking about it...all it does is depress me.

Perhaps you could get a dog?
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#9
Don't worry too much. I understand that you believe that having a girlfriend will give you confidence, but you need confidence in the first place to get one. Well, I have ZERO confidence, but I managed to get a girlfriend. It's not impossible! Try the internet if you find it hard to approach women. I know I do but I find that if you go through a means which is clear fom the start that what you want is a relationship, (like internet dating) it takes a hell of a lot of pressure off of that first meeting as there is no fear that they are looking for something different to you. There are a lot of shy girls out there too.
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#10
I'm not one to talk out of experience(considering love), but... You can't love someone if you don't love yourself. No I'm not trying to be narcistic or anything. But having a low selfesteem kinda shuts you out.
Stopping to think you're unconfident and thinking about girlfriends just takes off a lot of weight from your shoulders. Oh well this mind sound silly but it's my opinion.
I suppose love's something you can look for, but it comes faster when you don't expect it!

Takumi
_______________________________________________________
Nothing's either good or bad, only thinking makes it so
http://i709.photobucket.com/albums/ww94/...dangst.jpg
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