"you wouldn't understand"

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.

freedom

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2010
Messages
797
Reaction score
0
Location
good ol' texas
what is your reaction to this statement?

suppose you have a friend that seems to be down in the dumps. you ask him or her what the matter is, and he or she replies with "you wouldn't undertand". after trying a couple more times to get it out, he or she just keeps replying with "you wouldn't understand".

why do they think you wouldn't understand?

do you routinely answer with this statement? if so, then why?
 
It means they are fearful of being judged, don't want to talk about it, but acknowledge they have a problem. That's my understanding of what you just said.
 
They don't really want to discuss the issue with you. Personally I never answer like that, I love to hear what people have to say and usually when someone asks what is wrong is because they would like to help.
 
I've never answered a question that way. But, it does sound like it might be fear-based. The person might also be a little passive-aggressive and be playing the, "Attention Seeker Game" by drawing it out they encourage more attention from you. Or it could be a very close personal issue they're embarrassed about.
 
I think that the reason some give that answer is because they (we) really feel that no one would.
Sometimes, we don't even understand what we are feeling. Or we are so immersed in what is happening that we can't see everything involved.
Most of us, I believe, want desperately to speak. We just don't know how.
 
I used to think that some people say it just to get others off their backs, which should be respected.

What really used to get my goat was when people say "I can't talk about it" when there was nothing and no one really threatening them so that they couldn't talk about it (if there was a threat, then it was understandable). I think that was because my brother would say that in an attempt to be "macho" and not ask for help which, in my opinion, was incredibly stupid.

I have come to realize that sometimes another person really wouldn't understand.
If I say, "You wouldn't understand," it's because I think you really probably wouldn't (but wish you would).
 
Sometimes you just can't keep explaining and explaining things. Sometimes it's easier to close off.

I find I do that a lot, either that or say "don't worry about it".

Cos it's crap dragging everyone down all the time. It's lazy language.
 
I've never actually answered a question like that, but I have avoided people when I felt bad about something I thought they wouldn't understand.

Sometimes I'm going through something really private or embarrassing and I just don't want to talk about it. Other times it's because I truly felt as though the person wouldn't understand. I could be wrong and they might be able to understand, but I've already convinced myself they couldn't. People can be stubborn sometimes.

I suggest letting it go. Just let them know you're available if they ever do feel like talking about it and let it alone.
 
I say it all the time, and all I mean is that I think the person just would...not...understand

i think the person who says it usually is not trying to hurt the person they are saying it to

People have said "I will really try to understand", or something similar, and sometimes they did :)

So, maybe you can just say " I will listen to you and try to understand".
 
freedom said:
what is your reaction to this statement?

suppose you have a friend that seems to be down in the dumps. you ask him or her what the matter is, and he or she replies with "you wouldn't undertand". after trying a couple more times to get it out, he or she just keeps replying with "you wouldn't understand".

why do they think you wouldn't understand?

do you routinely answer with this statement? if so, then why?

This means whenever they are actually opening up, they don't get the response they are secretly waiting for. The issue may be something very deep and meaningful. What would you think if you opened up to someone telling your deepest and worst problems and the person would just start say "things will get better" or whatever, actually not listening at all.
Do not take stuff like this personally (like most of the stuff in this world..), because remember these people are scared and it is not your fault.

The other reason could be they haven't figured themselves out.

They have a problem and you make another problem out of why they don't want to tell you about it etc. How stupid is that?
After all, why is it so important TO YOU to open him/her up? It is his/her own decision and one should not get on ones nerves with it.
 

Latest posts

Back
Top