ex girlfriend question

As you all know I'm pretty lonely. My ex from two years ago called the other day because she is breaking up with her boyfriend (that she left me for) and enthusiastically asked me to help her move out. I agreed, but only because we have been friends.

I know, I probably shouldnt waste any time with her. We broke up because we are quite different people, but I may have changed now. She is physically very attractive. I might be happy with her but I don't know if I have feelings for her anymore & kind of irritated since she hasn't called in 6 months (before that we used to still hang out sometimes).

This is unrelated by I was flirting today with a girl who works at the grocery store & we may have really hit it off. So lonelylifers, the bottom line is, I'm still lonely & need help. I hope my depressed side doesn't show through and ruin everything.

With you worrying about depression showing through, that's something I deal with as well... I suppose though, at least with me, that it's just an excuse I make in my mind to keep up an emotional guard around others... most people, I've been told, think I'm just a very mellow, relaxed, quiet, patient person, and a good listener. I'm often none of the above when in social situations, except being a good listener... I'm happy if someone is holding a conversation with me even if it is to seek advice or just to have someone to talk to, and having that conversation allows me to focus on issues other than my own... they have no idea how I feel though unless I consciously decide to express those feelings.

That being said, if the relationship gets to the point where you are expressing any feelings of depression to her, then by that time she'll probably have seen enough of you to know there is more to you than depression... maybe the right girl would even help you to ease those feelings.

First of all, I have to caution you in regards to contact with ex-girlfriends. You have to really sit down and think whether this is something that is going to be platonic or not. If you still have feelings for her you may be putting yourself into a situation where you will be hurt again. You may scare, embarrass, or hurt her too. I want to talk to my ex all the time. I've been tempted to write to her. But I think it's just because I'm lonely and I need someone. I can't use her as a crutch anymore. Keep that in mind. This shouldn't be something you do on a whim.

And I do understand what it is like to deal with depression and its effects on your ability to start new relationships. Let me tell you that you have to be pretty careful with this. If you are someone like me who complains a lot you need to keep your mouth in check when you first meet a girl. If you just meet her and begin to dump all this negativity on her she's going to run for the hills. Girls want to be around guys who are confident and fun, not ones who seem like babies. I know you're not a baby. But it will seem so if you reveal your depression in a bad way. You shouldn't try to hide it (that'll make it worse), but you should be sensitive to how much of it your putting in her face. What that normally does to me is keep me quiet. When a lot of people tell me I complain a lot I'll get really silent for a few days because I think everything I say will piss someone off. That only backfires and makes people think I'm not social. It's a really tough balance to play. The most important thing is that you be conscious about it and try to keep it in check. You don't want to be known as a bummer.

I was very open about my insecurities with my first ex and it made our relationship very strong but this was after I had known her for a while. Try to get to know her problems and then reveal your own. This will make your relationship an equal emotional trade.

Wow, these messages are like reading about my own experiances. It made me shudder as i read both replies here.

I agree totally, that getting back in contact with an ex needs much careful thought, and we can never really know what the other person is thinking. From what i have learned this/last year, we generally all want/need the same sort of thing - a hand to hold, somebody to smile at us, to feel that another is willing to share what's good in life, and of course, a shoulder to cry on when things are bad.

The first evening i went for a drink at my g/f's home, we sat and chatted, and both ended up crying a lot, but i think it was because we both had so much sadness to be vented. And we both agreed later, it had been good to let it go. But a few months later, it was revealed that (as That Guy has said earlier) she didn't like to have a 'weak' person in her life (ouch).

I'd like to give good advice about staying in contact with ex's, but im so new to it all, i can only say how my own mistakes/progressions are occuring. Maybe in years to come i will be as knowledgable as others here and i am finding what others say here very helpful to my own situations too.

Last night, i was having a beer alone, and couldn't resist :shy: - i sent a cell txt (a funny one) to my ex. And would you believe it? it all worked out for me she replied, and seemed happy. I went home and we spent 4 hours on MSN just having fun chatting.
The end result of such things is a temporary break in the lonliness for me, and today i feel so much happier. But i know that in the past, this has often not worked the same, and she has made me feel so much worse.

So what's the best to do? I think, if you know you can take the possible bad-times, just enjoy what contacts you can (but that's just how it works for me though). It's as risky as anything else it seems. If i had not done what i did last night, i'd now be very lonely still, but instead i feel much better now, and this will last me for about another day or two (it usually does).

I believe that anybody who enters a relationship, should be very prepared to help another with their personal problems, and surely helping a friend/lover/partner along if they feel sad is a way to feel closer? If every day was spent with a big smile, and ignoring our true deep emotions, maybe we would eventually explode from the strain? (or get bored looking so happy).

I hope you get to a good conclusion Snow, whatever you decide. For me, the idea of not getting contacted is an odd one. In my life, i only have heard from girls (and my male pals) (so far) when 'they' needed something, but if i need anything, i have been told "busy/gone to bed/going shopping/feeding the fish/learning to sky-dive" etc.
Maybe that's the way things are supposed to be? though it's never been as long as 6 months for me yet.

(and i hope you get more & more good reasons to go grocery shopping more often too)

Thanks for the replies everyone...

I ended up calling her yesterday because my truck broke down and I needed a ride home from the warehouse where I had it towed. She picked me up and I also decided to have her take me to the school so I can sign up for classes. We were talking the whole entire time like old friends but I could tell she was over me. She even bragged about some cute guy she found on myspace whom she was chatting with. Naturally I should have done the same but it would be a flat out lie since absolutely no women call or message me. Ever. *sigh* Anyway at least I know I can still talk to her and she'll pick up her phone and let me know how her day went. Anyway my heart is still freezing cold. Like snow.