low self esteem because I am/feel weird

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W

way

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Hi everyone. Gosh, where to start? I feel embaressed just typing this.

I am a guy that has sufferred EXTREMELY low self esteem all my life. Don't get me wrong, I have some good relationships and a good job. But I have chronic depression and find it extremely difficult interacting with others.

My problem is that I feel awkward and strange. There is no easy way to see it but I'll try and come out and say it. I hate the stereotypes that guys are subjected to. It was drilled into me very heavily as a kid. Be a man, be tough, be rough, don't cry, you're a girl (whenever I did something wrong). Real men do this and real men do that. You won't be much of a man (same thing, when I did something wrong). Take your beatings, being sick is for girls.........etc etc. I think you get the idea.

Well unfortunately, I never lived up to all these expectations, making me feel like garbage. I've never gotten over this, and I am very fearful in the company of others, thinking that most people are like this, and I fear the memories that come running back.

And yeah, it gets real worse and embaressing now. So if you want to laugh, (which I'm prepared for, what the hell, go ahead). I took comfort as a kid in wearing pantyhose/tights. There, I've said anonymously on a forum what I could NEVER EVER say to a person, not even a professional counsellor.

I don't know, the feeling of softness, warmth, comfort, niceness. Nothing sexual, just those feelings described. I've loved them as a kid, and I still love them. Just something nice.

As I said, I have a few good relationships, but at arms distance. I am terribly afraid of letting people into my life. Ironically, I do many things that are "manly", (football, hiking, fishing). But I still crave today nice soft things which I feel so ashamed of. I am truly embaressed to say this, but I have tried and tried and tried to give up, but I just like it too much.

I feel so unbelievably ashamed that a "man" should enjoy something soft and nice against his skin. And I feel like "the girl" that I was told I was. A double whammy really.

Anyway, that's a little about me. Nothing more I can really say at the moment. Thank you for reading.

P.S. Teach. As the first response to my post, thank you so much for your kindness. How distraught am I about my overall life. I broke down straight after typing my post. Gosh, how do I go face to face with someone and tell them things like this? I've thought about it, but never could do it. But really thanks again.
 
Hello Way,

Welcome to the forum. No laughing, it definitely sounds like you've had issues while growing up. Have you ever gone to talk with a professional? I think if we all went to a professional to discuss our development issues, there'd be a long waiting line! I'm not a professional, so I couldn't say one way or another that your fondness for something soft and nice against your skin is a result of your childhood or something you just really like. You just have a quirk, we all have something. The grown man who lives next door to you may still sleep with a stuffed animal or likes to wear footed PJ's. Makes him weird? Not really, he just may like the comfort too. Rather than weird, define yourself as excentric. :) However, if you are not comfortable with your fondness , then maybe you need to talk with someone, if not to change your habit, to be taught skills for accepting it.
 
Hello way, I agree with teach. Way, wearing pantyhose is ok. Anyway, there is nothing to be ashamed off. Its not anything bad, it just makes you feel comfortable. For one, I like the colour pink, but that does not make me less man. Well think of it this way, at least you are much better than me. You do manly stuff, while i am stuck at home, alone, cause i pretty suck at everything.
 
i think the gender roles of this planet are severely broken sometimes. Men are discouraged from showing emotions or wanting to do anything considered "girly".

As for me, I just ignore all that and try to do the things I enjoy. People are going to have an opinion regardless of what we do. Might as well do the things we want.

And I think if wearing a pair of pantyhose is the worst thing you do in life, I'd say you did pretty good. I wouldn't worry.
 
Hi Way,

I agree we feel such things in our daily life. Self Esteem is manifested in a wonderful feeling of inner balance, grounded on self acceptance and a healthy, comforting self-respect towards you. Your self worth is an underlying factor in determining the level of your Self Esteem.

But what i suggest is Confidence is built from success and what you learn from failure. Confidence is the best way to shine from within. And it's all about a positive mind-set. Challenge yourself at every opportunity to go a little beyond what you know you can do. Soon you will confidently know you can do just about anything you choose. Your feelings affect literally everything you do in life, and everything that happens in your life - especially your self-confidence levels and self esteem. Do you wish to have confidence? Then get busy and build it. Start with something small, and take a leap of faith in yourself. When you have a modest accomplishment under your belt, you have something real upon which to build. Cool
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Discover The Ultimate Breakthrough System in Making Dreams Come True right here- Dreamlife Discovery!
 
You should tell them that real men do whatever the heck they want, and to heck with what they say.

Contrary to the belief of some people I've known, men are human beings with souls too, and thus also have a tendancy to want warmth, love and support . There's nothing wrong with that - and it might be more common than you think. For example, I often just want to cuddle with a girl, not necessarily have sex or anything. Does that make me less of a man? I think not.

I'm a writer; we're stereotypically effete and to an extent, I intentionally provoke the stereotype. I wear fitted clothes whenever I can, cherish antiques, and occasionally affect a limp wrist on purpose just to irritate people. Anyone who thinks that they can get fresh on me, incidentally, might also discover soon afterward that they have a much more permanently limp(e.g. broken) wrist.

So do whatever you want. And if anyone gives you trouble, kindly remind him that you're bigger than he is.

Regards,
IO

PS: I love my old teddy bear and slept with it until I was in my teens. Even now, it still sits in a display case with my other favorite things in life.
 
Yeah, you might be right, but someone on this forum doesn't have to pay money to find out. They can get plenty of free help from people just like the ones on this forum. Sorry if you're legit, but your message seems an awful lot like an advertisement for your website. If no one else has a problem with that, then whatever. I just can't stand advertising when people are looking for help. Especially help that should be free.

Jessicarosy said:
Hi Way,

I agree we feel such things in our daily life. Self Esteem is manifested in a wonderful feeling of inner balance, grounded on self acceptance and a healthy, comforting self-respect towards you. Your self worth is an underlying factor in determining the level of your Self Esteem.

But what i suggest is Confidence is built from success and what you learn from failure. Confidence is the best way to shine from within. And it's all about a positive mind-set. Challenge yourself at every opportunity to go a little beyond what you know you can do. Soon you will confidently know you can do just about anything you choose. Your feelings affect literally everything you do in life, and everything that happens in your life - especially your self-confidence levels and self esteem. Do you wish to have confidence? Then get busy and build it. Start with something small, and take a leap of faith in yourself. When you have a modest accomplishment under your belt, you have something real upon which to build. Cool
_______________________________________
Discover The Ultimate Breakthrough System in Making Dreams Come True right here- Dreamlife Discovery!
 

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