Shy but high self-esteem?

I show many symptoms of low self esteem: I panic when someone suddenly speaks to me, I cower before authority figures, I hate calling strangers by phone, especially official numbers.
Yet when I look for help, I usually find resources that try to teach to "love yourself" "believe in yourself".
I have nothing against myself. I believe I will accomplish great things. I am satisfied with my life and my self. Yet I still show above symptoms. Where exactly should I look for help?
Basically, I have big faith in myself overall, but little faith in my social skills.

This is called social anxiety I believe (you should let a doctor or something give you the answer tho).

From when I was about 14-17 I felt this way, too. I thought hell yeeah I'm an awesome person, but in social situations I could get all awkward. I remeber on the buss ride to school, I always avoided eye contact (holy sh*t is that scary), and I was often afraid that someone I knew, but didn't knew too well, would come sit with me so I had to.. ugh, speak to them. Later I felt this "Im awesome" was really just a defence mechanism, and later I realized I was in no way awesome at all, and I did a lot of changes in my life. It was for the better. I remember in those years, I always felt above everyone else in some way or another. I didn't act cocky or whatever, but I felt smarter, funnier etc. And yeah I totally was super afraid of having to call for pizza etc.

My little story here might not apply to you what so ever, but oh well.

Ah, so social anxiety is seperated from shyness? Interesting, maybe I should ask a doctor of some kind, thanks.

I don't know if I feel better than people. But if I do, maybe I deny it, so I won't ignore the notion.

I feel the same. I don't have any self esteem issues and I am very comfortable with myself, but if someone wants to talk to me it physically drains my energy. I get nervous when talking 1 on 1 with someone because I don't like to talk much and I never know what to say, I'm much happier with a group of friends where I can sit back and listen to everyone elses conversation. I think i'm just a classic example of an introvert.

When I go to clubs with my brothers and friend(s), I can never relax, I just want to go home and be myself lol.

Pheenix said:

I show many symptoms of low self esteem: I panic when someone suddenly speaks to me, I cower before authority figures, I hate calling strangers by phone, especially official numbers.
Yet when I look for help, I usually find resources that try to teach to "love yourself" "believe in yourself".
I have nothing against myself. I believe I will accomplish great things. I am satisfied with my life and my self. Yet I still show above symptoms. Where exactly should I look for help?
Basically, I have big faith in myself overall, but little faith in my social skills.

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If you think you are awesome, you will not suffer panic when someone talks to you. You'd flourish in social situations, it will show forth. Also, you say you cower before authority figures. Perhaps you have inferiority complex and fears that need to be dealt with. Those who have great self esteem usually have no problems with these things as they are comfortable in their own skin and around others.

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Porman said:

I feel the same. I don't have any self esteem issues and I am very comfortable with myself, but if someone wants to talk to me it physically drains my energy. I get nervous when talking 1 on 1 with someone because I don't like to talk much and I never know what to say, I'm much happier with a group of friends where I can sit back and listen to everyone elses conversation. I think i'm just a classic example of an introvert.

When I go to clubs with my brothers and friend(s), I can never relax, I just want to go home and be myself lol.

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Yes, being quiet doesn't mean you have low self esteem. So you like to sit back and listen. That's fine, but what strikes me as odd is that you are nervous when talking to someone. Why would you feel that since you're comfortable with yourself? Maybe there are some things you don't know about yourself.

Some time ago I've read that 85% of the people having social anxiety are cynics. Are you?

Pheenix said:

I show many symptoms of low self esteem: I panic when someone suddenly speaks to me, I cower before authority figures, I hate calling strangers by phone, especially official numbers.

Click to expand...

Well, in your case, it might just be a simple and flat lack of confidence in your social ability. You will just need more practice in unfamiliar, social situatiosn and rack successes to count upon later.

Do yo uthink that you /have/ accomplished great things? I think that might be a good counter of actual confidence, essentially, a barrier to fall upon when you have those moments of panic.

I totally understand where you're coming from. I have too much a sense of self to have a low self esteem. I'm reasonably intelligent, have a pretty face, good moral compass, sexy voice... the list goes on, but you get the point. I think I'm awesome. That doesn't mean I'm comfy dealing with people.

Humans kind of freak me out. There's the social conventions, emotional chaos, etc. You never know who you're dealing with until you're already involved. The more people there are, the less predictable the behavior. Trying to anticipate what people might do in order to formulate the proper response can be really frustrating and even overwhelming. My social awkwardness isn't about by view of myself, but my view of others.

The best way to overcome shyness, unfortunately, is to practice. If you go out, and sit quietly in the corner, you're not practicing. Despite how uncomfortable and draining it is just to sit there, all you're doing is observing. You have to actually talk to somebody. Each conversation should be slightly longer. I wouldn't recommend doing this at a club. Too hard to converse.

I suggest cashiers and people in line at the store. If saying anything is hard, start easy. Deliberately make eye contact and smile. Do a head nod of greeting. After a while, it won't bother you. Then, move on to saying, "Hi" until that doesn't make you feel weird. Move on to just a sentence or two. You're at the store, so nobody expects serious conversation... but a lot of us are bored enough to be okay with small talk.

I recently went to the store and bought something. As the cashier was ringing it up, I told him that the last time I'd bought it, I'd accidentally left it in the car overnight and had to throw it out. When I'd bought it before, I hadn't really wanted it. Now that I'd ruined my chance to have it, I really wanted some! We ended on a laugh. The whole conversation was only a few minutes, but if you're overcoming social anxiety, it's a big step.

Oh, and regarding phone calls to official numbers... write notes first! I inherited a touch of dyslexia from my father, which shows up in stuttering and weird memory issues. I always write myself little notes, or figure out exact wording before I call.

SKILLS.....thats all it is.
You can acquire social skills like any other skills.

Maybe reserch on FEARS...
Fear just anotther human emotions..
Its not morbid to feel fears
Everybody have feelings of fears.

Learn how to respon to your feelings rather then react to them.

Maybe people scream at you or threathen you all the time as a child
or maybe you are jsut around abusive people that inteminate you...
So your fears kicks into survival mode..

Or your parents told you to
SIT DOWN STFU or youll get it...

stuff like that.

Pheenix said:

Basically, I have big faith in myself overall, but little faith in my social skills.

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give them time to develop

push the envelope outside the things you are used to doing, for instance I used to be uncomfortable walking into a big restaurant full of people or a clothes store i've never been in by myself.

the thing is, it works both ways. in a social interaction the other person has to give a little of themselves too, and when it comes to official government hotlines and the like these people are paid to ease you into immediately stating your concerns and resolving your problem, so you should never have genuine reason to stress over this. authority figures have their own set of responsibilities to maintain, and trust me, they have to earn your respect.

practice putting yourself forward, looking people square in the eye when you talk to them, always being ready for the next distraction