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miltonbradley

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Someone I met online said that to me like 2.5 years ago. She suggested drugs. She couldn't believe someone could live the way I live and stay sane. Total isolation. I'm so lonely I could die. I can't take this anymore. I'm going crazy in this house with nothing to do and no one to see. Zero friends. So...I'm GOING SOMEWHERE TONIGHT. Maybe I'll just walk around walmart. I don't know wtf I'm doing with my life. I'll keep you posted.
 
Don't care about what other people say, especially honeysuckle like that.

Small steps man, your head is programmed in a certain way after living a life in isolation. I don't know your story so I might be guessing here, but yeah basicly your head is programmed from past experiences. One of my favourite things to think when I feel down about myself and my life, is to just remember that I am a person, I am not poor, I am not physically ill, and I have the same possibilites as the next guy. The only thing stopping me is my self, and if I can change that, everything will work out. This has worked for me, just changing the perspective of things. We're all the same.

The friend problem is obviously a challenge, but as I have seen a lot of other people on these boards have recommended - Volunteer work is great to meet new people and to feel better about yourself in general. Another option is to just go on cafe's and approach people. Not like "allright I'll go down to the cafe and approach people", but more like if you see someone you would like to approach for whatever reason, you just do it because you have to. And it will most probably pay off.
 
Well I'm back. I left the computer on. I walked down to Walmart and got a webcam then strolled around for awhile and walked home. Couldn't get my mind off how lonely and depressed I am. There wasn't a single second I didn't feel pain. Nothing will make me happy. I have nothing to live for but I won't ever kill myself so it's basically mental torture.
 
Wandering around Wal-Mart is better than nothing, I used to do that when I was bored.

miltonbradley said:
Nothing will make me happy.

Just keep going out now and then and find some regular activities that don't involve sitting around the house. Over time it might help your depression and lead to socialization.
 
JamaisVu said:
Wandering around Wal-Mart is better than nothing, I used to do that when I was bored.

I've done that before when waiting for an appointment (of sorts) and not having anywhere else to go.

A Walmart is a good place to go to blend in and not be noticed... and just waste time. :p
 
I'm afraid I'll be alone forever and that nothing will ever make me happy. As it stands I have nothing, but I have this feeling that even if I become rich I'd still be alone and depressed, just in a much bigger house. My Walmart journey did nothing for me. Nothing does anything for me. No one knows my name or face, no one knows who I am. In the past I'd meet someone and strike up a friendship or romance but it would get boring and meaningless after 3 days, then I'd fall deeper into my hole. I'm always alone, even when I'm surrounded by people...so I decided to totally isolate myself. Well how's that workin out? One day I'll just wander around the city looking for drugs that'll make me forget my pain for a bit, just like that one girl told me to do. She was dead serious.
 
My experience is that drugs just make things worse. You'll feel good for a little while, then you start to come down and you have to deal with coming down on top of whatever bothered you in the first place. That's a generalization, but that's what it comes down to. You're high for a couple hours, then you're miserable for a great many more hours. Not a very fair trade.

You just have to keep trying, keep looking for whatever. Recount your day and ask if there was a moment where you weren't thinking about your woes. Hang on to whatever victories you can.
 
awesome miltonbradley :D
that's great that you're getting out i'm sorry nothing came out of it, I would often do the same when I was younger, go out to the mall or random errands just hoping for something to happen
but things don't just happen like the do in the movies *sighs* we have to make things happen and getting out is the first step so you have my props :)
it's hard, but then you have to approach people, from there it's mainly trial and error, I sat down with a bunch of random strangers in the caffiteria, but usually nothing came out of it, but then I actually did meet a good neurotic friend, we really bonded over our really bad jokes and strong hatred of children.

we often think the stress or loneliness will drive us insane, but we're stronger than we think, it's hard but we can cope and we wake up the next day :)

we'll recover we don't need drugs or honeysuckle, we can delve into our loneliness to pull out inspiration and inner strength we didn't know we had,

and I'd like to think that years of angsty isolation always makes for a great backstory

*hugs*

:)
 
We all get little crazy like this sometimes.

I used to just walk by myself downtown, drink and spend all my money of the pokies (what you yanks would call slot machines I imagine) cause I didn't have anyone to talk to or be around. It was a lonely way to spend a friday or saturday night, you are better off just staying at home and engaging with some personal activity.
 
evanescenefan...how could you hate children?!

All of this advice and talk sounds nice, but it sucks. It makes sense but ughggghhhhhh. This will sound bad but I think the only thing that'll make me happy is if I become world famous and make billions of dollars. I don't know what hanging on to any victories I can will really do for me. What victories? Waking up? All that does is bring more misery. Going to Walmart? That just makes me jealous of all the happy people. Everyone is so content. How? Why? Well for one they have a life lol but still, how can they feel good about themselves? Their existence means nothing, why aren't they depressed?

I want to be famous and I want it to happen NOW. It isn't going to happen though, so maybe I should just become a drug addict. Snort adderall and do crack once in awhile. I've never done any type of drugs in my entire life but that girl was so carefree. She partied. She had friends. Maybe she'll die young but she LIVED and EXPERIENCED life. I just do nothing. I torture myself.

WAIT

I just changed my mind. All I need is people. Forget being famous. I need some good people to hang out with and maybe we can do drugs. I don't know how to find people though. What do I do just walk up to random people on the street and ask if they want to hang out? I can't handle conversation. I just wanna have fun, not think too much, and die young. I can't keep living like this, I'm too lonely. IT STOPS NOW. Are drug dealers fun to be around?
 
miltonbradley said:
evanescenefan...how could you hate children?!
I just changed my mind. All I need is people. Forget being famous. I need some good people to hang out with and maybe we can do drugs. I don't know how to find people though. What do I do just walk up to random people on the street and ask if they want to hang out? I can't handle conversation. I just wanna have fun, not think too much, and die young. I can't keep living like this, I'm too lonely. IT STOPS NOW. Are drug dealers fun to be around?

Being famous is something any person dreams of, because it comes with the money, the attention, the hypocrite friends and all the other bonuses. You just need to feel that someone cares for you, but drugs aren't the answer to achieve this. You don't need to envy the girl who partied under drugs, have you ever thought that maybe she took drugs, because she was lonely like you? Anyway, you don't have to listen to a post from a guy over the internet, but my suggestion is to find some kind of activity you go to. Like a hobby, but in a group where you'll meet people with similar interests. Keep your pecker up! :)

 
Milton, I know what it's like to live that isolated life and the shocking experience of trying to break the behavior.

It is definitely a behavior, a lifestyle. We adapt to it and as much as we may consciously -hate- it, it's actually our normal state and a deeper part of us writhes about when we try and change it (or at least, that's how I've felt). Part of it may just be normal introversion, but -constant- isolation mutates it in to an ugly thing.

A single trip to Wal Mart can't break it. I used to try and break it with occasional outings in to the real world to try and mingle. I believe I've made more than one post regarding torturous summer afternoons watching happy couples and groups of friends playing on the river and in the park. It SUCKS, and all it does is drive us further in to our seclusion by making us feel ugly and out of place.

A true exposure therapy is just that, constant exposure. Start small with -routine- sojourns to the outside world, public places. Find a way to be comfortable with yourself; your attire, look, posture etc. From there, move on to chatting up service workers and people in lines. After that, you have to try and make friends; at work, with a volunteer group, or at local events. It's scary as hell and you will experience frequent episodes of tachycardia and possibly angina from the anxiety, but you have to make yourself do it.

It's hard, but it will eventually work.


EDIT: Had to comment on a few things.

Going to Walmart? That just makes me jealous of all the happy people.
>Implying people in Wal Mart are happy



I've never done any type of drugs in my entire life but that girl was so carefree. She partied. She had friends.

Yeah she has friends until life actually happens to her and her friends are too drugged in to retardation to be worth a honeysuckle.

As an EMT I responded a few months back to a heroin overdose. Some moron fuckin' worthless kid trashed on his friend's bathroom floor basically dead. What'd his friend do? Doused him in ice water. Good job, fuckwad, now he's hypothermic and his airway is at risk. It's a **** good thing they don't issue us ambulance guys firearms.

And rest assured, when you're about to die from an overdose, your fuckwad party friend will call us because suddenly things aren't all dandy and rosy. They think we care at 3 in the morning and suddenly 'The Man' is the coolest guy in the world. We will come, and we will pull you back from the brink, and it will be incredibly unpleasant. Depending on what you do you will be subject to the whims of an ER Nurse stuffing a hose down your throat while you are conscious (we're not allowed to be grouchy or mean, but ER Nurses have special training on how to be grouchy and mean at 3 in the morning when they have to do things they dont like).

Do they really lead a good life? Their experience is limited to their shitty addiction, day in and day out, and the scorn of others. They leach off of the vulnerable people in their lives whenever possible in terms of money and pity. Their parties are irrelevant and more or less destructive and they are the honeysuckle in society's toilet. The worst part is, each and every addict really did have other choices at one point. All you have to do is make yourself take the path and make the commitment.

And don't ask about weed. Weed isn't for people in our condition. All it would do is exacerbate the problem like a bandaid on an infected wound.
 
You don't need an addiction to socialize. If the problem is that you get bored of people after a few days, I don't see how using drugs will change that. Dealers aren't necessarily going to hang out with you and I get the impression most won't sell to total strangers.
 
The isolation is killer. You guys make a lot of sense and it helps a bit but life seems like way too much work. I'm like a 2 year old but I'm a young adult. It's like my life hasn't started yet but when you're 22 your clock has run out. This is so pathetic but it's all my fault. I ruined everything.

So let's tackle the no friends issue. To meet people I need a life. I can't just make friends without a life, I'll be totally embarrassed. What am I supposed to say to my first potential friend? How am I supposed to explain that I have absolutely no life at all? I'll be looked at as a loser and be thrown away like an empty bag of Cheetos. I'd need to have a good job or at least be in college for people to respect me...but first I'd have to get my GED. I have to overcome my agoraphobia and fear of everything too. That's easier said than done. honeysuckle. Ummm POOF agoraphobia is gone. Okay, problem solved. I'll have friends in no time.

*requested mod edit*

*requested mod edit*

So...since I want a life, where do I start? My local homeless shelter? I can make lots of friends there yipeeeee!!!! 2 problems solved already. Okay good I'm thinking positive now. I'll have a place to stay and friends to hang out with. I sold almost all of my possessions to fund my gambling habit so I don't have to worry about hauling stuff around. Yay!

Nevermind this is just too much work. Maybe a homeless guy can put me in contact with a drug dealer and I can save up 7 months worth of panhandling money to buy 2 days worth of cocaine. That'll be my routine lmfao. It'll get old though, maybe by the 3rd go around. So I'll save up for 2 years and do speedballs til I die but since I can't kill myself I'll threaten my homeless friend Jerome with violence if he doesn't inject me but he'll convince me I won't die, so I'll do it but I die anyway, finally ending my pathetic life.
 
First: Stop Gambling, it's ruining any future you might have that won't end up on the streets. It's just not worth it to play online poker like that.

Second: Sit down with your father and work out an agreement with him. He may want you to pay rent since you are now an adult. Work out a deal with him, so that you can become independant, first, by getting your driver's license. Then, by getting your GED and or a job.

Third: Agoraphobia...uhm, try sitting outside on the stoop first? and then increase the time you sit there....and then move to the sidewalk in front of your house (hey this may all look weird but it would probably work.) then walk across the street. Then, go in the car with your dad to the local gas station, then, go get your driver's license.

Little baby steps. :)

-_- I hope your dad cooroporates with you. lol
 
You can't be hopelessly agoraphobic if you managed to get yourself to Walmart. You know you can get out, so there's a victory.

Dealing with people can be daunting. Anticipating how people will react often helps me. Chatting up people doing service work is a good start because they're being paid to be nice. Just ask general questions about their job, "Do you like it here?" "Do you get bored?" If you're shopping in Walmart or something and see someone looking at the same stuff you're looking at, you could ask for their opinion. "What spaghetti sauce do you like?" "Do you think this web cam is any good?" A lot of the time you might get a dismissive response like, "Oh, I don't really know." You might not be able to pursue a conversation from that, but at least you tried.

If you do get a conversation started and it gets to you explaining your situation, don't bury them with detail. You're worried about how people might react if they hear your life story, so don't give them the whole story. At least not right away. Just keep it simple, "I broke up with my girlfriend and I've been a little down lately." The point is to keep working at it. You got yourself outside, that's a start. It might not have won you a trophy, but it IS a victory. Don't sell yourself short just because other people have lived more life than you have.
 
miltonbradley said:
Nevermind this is just too much work.

I'm going to be a bit tough on you, but THIS is the attitude you need to fix. You are getting yourself overwhelmed, and you're not helping yourself any by having this "this is too much" response.

You need to switch this to "This is a lot of work, and I will just have to work through it one thing at a time." I've found that loneliness bothers me a lot more when I'm not focused on enough activities. But having "a life" IS a lot of work, and that's something you're just going to have to get over.

Personally, I think you should start with your GED. It's more difficult to get the things you want -- a job, the money that comes along with it, independence, etc. -- if you don't have a GED or diploma. Frankly, I don't blame your dad being frustrated and threatening to kick you out. Like someone else suggested, though, sit down with him, and commit to earning your GED and ask for his support on that end. Just having some direction and goals might make you feel better, and that's a good place to start.

Stop all the whining. The road to a better life WILL be hard, and it WILL be a lot of work. Stop wasting your energy fantasizing about being rich and famous overnight. It's not going to happen, it may never happen. What you can do is improve your life a bit and dig yourself out of the hole you're in.

It's not too late.
 

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