rothniel
Active member
A long time ago, I realized that mimickry is my best ability. I learned to draw by watching my mom; I learned to speak persuasively by watching my dad.
I think my observation of my father is really the root of what has helped me with my natural shyness. I wouldn't say I've "gotten over it," exactly, but I can act as if I have, which is functionally the same thing.
My dad is a doctor. He walks around the hospital, his clinic, and just about everywhere else in a very distinctive manner: head held high, back straight, and long but quick steps.
When I was younger I began mimicking this subconsciously; just as I often take on the mannerisms of the people I like and respect. What I realized after a while was that, while I may have only been acting as if I had confidence, people began to treat me as if I did. Eventually I became confident because everyone seemed to think I was confident.
I experimented with this when I used to work at my dad's clinic. I realized that the smallest things - the way you stand, sit, speak, walk - can make all the difference in the world in terms of how people see you. When I acted with an air of authority, but still making no pretenses, about 75% of our patients thought I was the doctor, even though I was only a medical assistant and too young to have graduated med school, gone through my residency, et cetera.
I realized I also seem to act a little differently based on little things like what I'm wearing. If I'm wearing a suit and tie, I will have better posture without having to think about it. If I'm in a t-shirt and jeans, conversely, I'm more prone to slouch and give off non-confident cues.
I recommend this experiment for everyone, especially those who struggle with shyness and social anxiety. It's fun to see how much you can alter a person's impression of you without really saying or doing anything different. You will realize that many of their reactions, like the way they look at you, are not necessarily conscious, and are not a judgment of who you actually are, but what they see.
We all have a rather simplistic system for developing initial impressions of people. It isn't manipulative to use this to your advantage. If you want people to believe you are confident, pretend you are confident. If you can't do that, focus first on the mechanics: chin up, eyes forward, back straight. The positive reaction you're likely to get might very well be surprising, especially if you don't normally do these things. And, you very well might find that you start seeing yourself as the confident individual they imagine you to be.
I think my observation of my father is really the root of what has helped me with my natural shyness. I wouldn't say I've "gotten over it," exactly, but I can act as if I have, which is functionally the same thing.
My dad is a doctor. He walks around the hospital, his clinic, and just about everywhere else in a very distinctive manner: head held high, back straight, and long but quick steps.
When I was younger I began mimicking this subconsciously; just as I often take on the mannerisms of the people I like and respect. What I realized after a while was that, while I may have only been acting as if I had confidence, people began to treat me as if I did. Eventually I became confident because everyone seemed to think I was confident.
I experimented with this when I used to work at my dad's clinic. I realized that the smallest things - the way you stand, sit, speak, walk - can make all the difference in the world in terms of how people see you. When I acted with an air of authority, but still making no pretenses, about 75% of our patients thought I was the doctor, even though I was only a medical assistant and too young to have graduated med school, gone through my residency, et cetera.
I realized I also seem to act a little differently based on little things like what I'm wearing. If I'm wearing a suit and tie, I will have better posture without having to think about it. If I'm in a t-shirt and jeans, conversely, I'm more prone to slouch and give off non-confident cues.
I recommend this experiment for everyone, especially those who struggle with shyness and social anxiety. It's fun to see how much you can alter a person's impression of you without really saying or doing anything different. You will realize that many of their reactions, like the way they look at you, are not necessarily conscious, and are not a judgment of who you actually are, but what they see.
We all have a rather simplistic system for developing initial impressions of people. It isn't manipulative to use this to your advantage. If you want people to believe you are confident, pretend you are confident. If you can't do that, focus first on the mechanics: chin up, eyes forward, back straight. The positive reaction you're likely to get might very well be surprising, especially if you don't normally do these things. And, you very well might find that you start seeing yourself as the confident individual they imagine you to be.