Here's what helps me with my shyness...

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rothniel

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A long time ago, I realized that mimickry is my best ability. I learned to draw by watching my mom; I learned to speak persuasively by watching my dad.

I think my observation of my father is really the root of what has helped me with my natural shyness. I wouldn't say I've "gotten over it," exactly, but I can act as if I have, which is functionally the same thing.

My dad is a doctor. He walks around the hospital, his clinic, and just about everywhere else in a very distinctive manner: head held high, back straight, and long but quick steps.

When I was younger I began mimicking this subconsciously; just as I often take on the mannerisms of the people I like and respect. What I realized after a while was that, while I may have only been acting as if I had confidence, people began to treat me as if I did. Eventually I became confident because everyone seemed to think I was confident.

I experimented with this when I used to work at my dad's clinic. I realized that the smallest things - the way you stand, sit, speak, walk - can make all the difference in the world in terms of how people see you. When I acted with an air of authority, but still making no pretenses, about 75% of our patients thought I was the doctor, even though I was only a medical assistant and too young to have graduated med school, gone through my residency, et cetera.

I realized I also seem to act a little differently based on little things like what I'm wearing. If I'm wearing a suit and tie, I will have better posture without having to think about it. If I'm in a t-shirt and jeans, conversely, I'm more prone to slouch and give off non-confident cues.

I recommend this experiment for everyone, especially those who struggle with shyness and social anxiety. It's fun to see how much you can alter a person's impression of you without really saying or doing anything different. You will realize that many of their reactions, like the way they look at you, are not necessarily conscious, and are not a judgment of who you actually are, but what they see.

We all have a rather simplistic system for developing initial impressions of people. It isn't manipulative to use this to your advantage. If you want people to believe you are confident, pretend you are confident. If you can't do that, focus first on the mechanics: chin up, eyes forward, back straight. The positive reaction you're likely to get might very well be surprising, especially if you don't normally do these things. And, you very well might find that you start seeing yourself as the confident individual they imagine you to be.
 
This is really good advice :)

I follow these similar things. Posture and a smile help. even if you don't feel like doing either, it will soon make you just feel good, to stand and act so proudly.
Drinking a lot of water helps too, it just makes your body function better. your body is made of like 75% water! You need to drink lots. 30% of people or something, are chronically dehydrated.
also, eating right, and not going hungry or eating too much junk food.. Eating & being healthy, getting right exercise, stretching, all make the body run and FEEL Good!
if your body isnt running good..you will have little aches and pains, (from dehydration or lack of movement/stretching) and these can bring your mood down.. and make it easier to feel down.

I talk from experience. I try to practice these things regularly, and I can more easily feel good..and keep my mood up. and feel more confident.





 
rothniel, for some reason your post made me feel really happy. It took a very logical and scientific approach to a personal issue, which I like. I think I will try to act more confident in the future; it really does make a difference.
 
at my work i realized the best thing to do is project positive energy. its not easy because i can't walk away.

negative people are the worst if you are trapped in a place with them. they suck all of your energy away.

i want to be positive and have good energy but i have this weird fear of turning into this perky girl that i use to know and loathed.

personally i feel thinking about my appearance and attitude is counter productive. if i focus on what i'm doing and not what i look like then i naturally look better...








 
AncientBard said:
rothniel, are you a Gemini by chance?

Nope, I'm a Scorpio.



unknownismyname said:
oh boy, this never worked for me, NEVER.
Subconscious imitation, I believe, is universal, but we have differing degrees of it depending on our personality. I'd suggest consciously imitating the characteristics you find desirable or admirable, and soon it will be subconscious.

 
well im a bit though not as much as i used to be used to if you said hi to me i would be so nervous i couldnt do anything but look away but now if you say hi to me im bound to say hi back =^.^= and really the way i went from being mute to silent is by making myself try to be nice to people and participate whenever they try to start little chit chats with me, what helped me the most was this one article i read online that said shyness is nothing more then a habit and if you think about it shyness is a habit, you normally act all shy and at some point or another made a habit out of it....they say it takes 21 days to break a habit so unless its social anxiety im sure everyone can overcome their shyness =3 you just got to take it one step at a time like i have if you normally freeze up whenever people say hi to you challenge yourself to say hi back if then work your way on up at your own pace until you have beaten your shyness =^.^=
 
rothniel said:
We all have a rather simplistic system for developing initial impressions of people. It isn't manipulative to use this to your advantage. If you want people to believe you are confident, pretend you are confident. If you can't do that, focus first on the mechanics: chin up, eyes forward, back straight. The positive reaction you're likely to get might very well be surprising, especially if you don't normally do these things. And, you very well might find that you start seeing yourself as the confident individual they imagine you to be.

I can very well imagine this to be true. I study social psychology, and there are some theories that state that "you become what you pretend to be." I guess it's pretty normal for people at first feel like they're only pretending when they take on a new role in life, say, become a parent or get a new job, but if you go at it for long enough, the role you've taken becomes you. (Actually, you could say that there really isn't a difference between "the real you" and the different roles you take in life, but that's another topic.)

So I'm guessing that just like you said, pretending to be self-confident might actually make you self-confident after a while. Too bad I'm not good at pretending...
 

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