i am considering to finally take my own life

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zwan

Active member
Joined
Nov 23, 2010
Messages
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Location
South Africa
I have thought about this quite long and I really see no point in living anymore.

I have come to the realisation that no one really does love me. I do have friends and family but no one of them really cares about me. If I kill myself now it will probably be a week before anyone finds my body.

I really have thought about this rationally and its not that I am depressed its that I just do not find joy in life. I always wanted to be loved but alas I think that will be a pleasure that will always be derived from me. I am sad a then and then but most of these days all I see is gray.

Each morning I look at the bullet I will use and find comfort in it. I have given myself till january to find happiness or at least be content otherwise ... yes you do get the point.

I really do hope you had a better day then me..
 
It probably wouldn't help but I come from south africa so I can't really call USA or international numbers.
 
I care about you and I don't even know you. I care a lot. Maybe it's not the same kind of caring that people close to you would have for you but I do care.

Don't do it.
 
I don't mean any disrespect but you care about society not me as a individual and that is probably what can save me. I really can't think of any person out there who can care about me unconditionally. My mother killed herself 5 years ago and ironically as they say the appel doesn't fall far from the tree.
 
If you have AIM or another instant messenger I'd be willing to talk to you. Loneliness is no fun, it's hard, but if you sit back and wait the right friend will come along eventually. And sometimes that friend will introduce you to more friends and then you'll have lots of friends. <3
 
You must be feeling very lonely to think about suicide. I'm sorry to hear about your mom. I had someone I loved who commited suicide. Sometimes you don't see it coming until after it's happened. I blamed myself in a way. I felt if only I had contacted them that maybe I could have saved them. Maybe he wouldn't have taken his life. You have had a very traumatic experience. You lost your mother in a horrible way. You said your giving yourself until January to find happiness. Fair enough. It's your decision. But do give yourself the opportunity to find it. You have people here who WANT to talk to you. Here is an opportunity. What have you got to loose? Come into chat, Zwan. You don't know what good things might be waiting for you.

 
^This this this! I'd LOVE to meet someone new, it doesn't matter what they look like or how old they are or anything like that, as long as they'll talk to me.
 
Chat is really a great place to meet new people. :)

Just be sure to talk to a chat moderator (the people with white-colored icons next to their chat names) and let them know who you are on the forum so that they can make you a member!

Have fun! :D
 
I care about everyone. Every INDIVIDUAL person (except one). I probably care about people too much, just another one of my problems. But honestly, after everything I've been through in my life, if it weren't for my kids, I'd probably be dead by now. THEY keep me alive. You just have to find someone or something to do that for you. Life is worth living, even if you haven't found happiness yet. You'll never find it if you die.
 
Hi-
You're brave for coming on here and sharing your deepest thoughts and feelings with us about your life. My friend's dad killed himself last year and I'm still not over it. I wish he didn't do it. And I wish you wouldn't, either. You've found a great forum with some kindred spirits. Stick around awhile, won't you?

Teresa
 
so many of us have been through alot and feel or have felt like you, and i sware to you its worth holding on.

sometimes your family is not your real family. its a horrible horrible thing for it to be that way, but believe me, you can make it.

believe me.

listening to Bob Marley helps me alot, and has helped me my whole life. i don't know if its for you, but maybe it will help you too?

just hang on


and there truly are nice sincerely caring people here and are worth getting to know, i truly hope things will turn around for you
 
*hugs zwah*

please don't

life is cyclical in nature,

the bad times end and enjoy the good times when they come

they will

:)
 
Zwan pls don't do that.If you want to I can give you my number and you can talk to me. I don't want you to kill your self. I have tried to take my own liv six times in the past and know how you are feeling if I can give you hope by talking to you than I'll will. you need a friend and I'm willing to be one if you want me to. Pm me your number.
 
I don't really see the point in living further I have crossed most of the items off my so called bucket list sure there are things u haven't done but in ones life there will always be things one wants to do.

My brother has tried to kill himself as well were I "saved" him (I had to pick up pieces of flesh and flush it down the toilet to clean up) and I look at him today he is truly unhappy and each day is a struggle for him.

For me its just that I feel nothing anymore and I am tired not sad but tired and I wish just to go into a eternal slumber.

I am over trying to reach out to people and be rejected be it be because of my choices in religion my age or even my physical attributes. The reason why I can speak so comfortably about this is it may be one of the only things I have control over in my life.

Don't worry I have given myself to the end of january to see if things do get better but as I know my life it won't.
 
I had a long depression years ago and killing myself crossed through my mind also. You really do not want to kill yourself. That is in your mind because is what you are feeling right now. This does not mean you will be feeling in the same way in the future. Do not let your feeling reach the point of death. This feeling is not eternal, death it is.

Do not kill yourself, you will not gain anything by doing that. But continuing your life, there is a lot to gain. Yes, there will be negative events in your life, but this is part of a learning process that bring us a better understanding of us and of what is around us.

I can understand your feeling deeply because I have felt it a lot. If you wanna talk anything about it with me, feel free to pm! :)




 
Have you tried writing? I went through a few years of depression in middle school and junior high and writing and roleplay were my escape. If I felt like I wanted to hurt myself I abused my characters instead, so that helped too. Write fanfiction, write original fiction. Anything will do. It helped me a lot.
 
I know it has been said by others.. but come into the chat room.... come in and talk to people... there is always someone there to chat with.... We all care, and everyone is really nice.
 

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