Feel so lost ever since I graduated 3 years ago

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Tiger lily

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Hi everyone, I've just joined this forum as I really could do with some advice at the moment.

Im 24 years old and all the way up until I graduated from university I was happy with life. Ive always been a people person who likes making people laugh and always had a small group of close friends.

However ever since I left uni 3 years ago everything has turned into a disaster. Firstly I came back home because I had nothing else planned. Ive lost contact with lituarlly all my friends, either they have moved back home or they moved in with their partners and I never hear from them anymore. I re-connected with old friends from school, but I found Ive chnaged so much since then and they seem to have stayed the same. The converstaions they have are nothing meaningul at all and it just bores me. I got into two designs jobs (which i graduated in) I made no friends in the first job, I was the only girl and all teh men were loud and crude and I ended up feleing so depressed. So i moved jobs again, but now the work is less creative and Im being to think its not even the job for me. stuck in front of a computer all day with no social interaction. Again everyone is male with familes so I cant make a friend out of any of them.

Im a very independant person yet Im still stuck at home which bores me so much, although its very loving at home me and my parents have nothing in common. On top of all this Im 24 and never had a boyfriend and my confidence is dropping because I get no interest from men , mainly because I never meet anyone these days. I'm fairly good looking, interesting and funny but I just have no contact with like minded people. Ive joined groups, activites to try and meet new people, even photography/ art courses, Ive tryed everything but in every case I just meet older people, no one my own age.

I'm so lost right now, I feel like I want to move away and have a fresh start in a new city so I can make new friends but I know the lonliness would kill me. Having no one to reply on, the earliest place I could go would be 2.5 hours away. Also is it really right to leave your family? Id feel bad for deserting them. I feel like Ive missed the boat in everything. I no longer know what I want from life and nothing has changed in 3 years! Im beginning to feel like a differnet person. My parents are very unhappy for me and they can see how sad I am, but only I can changed things. Yet I don't know what to do. Ive not had a laugh with anyone for ...well I can hardly remember. I long to have my old happy self back but I don't know how.

Im adventourous person at heart and I feel like im not being true to myself staying in my home town which s a boring place. But I feel like the courage it would take for me to make the move unbearable. How can I do that all on my own, Id be even more unhappy.

If anyone could offer me any wise advice it would be greatly appreciated.
 
Hi Tiger lily,

I understand what you mean about being happy at university, my uni years were fantastic, and I still go back from time to time to visit my lecturers.

Life does seem to get much more *real* after graduation, friends break off onto their own life tangents and it seems very lonely all of a sudden. I started working straight after graduating and slowly I have moved into a daily routine.

I'm also still living at home with my mother, purely because it helps me save, but it does tend to increase social isolation.

I think it's very important to get satisfaction from your work, and it is where i source alot of my confidence. If you aren't enjoying the work you are doing its definitely going to negatively affect most aspects of your life. 'Leaving work at work' is a very rare talent that most people can never master.

You should keep that adventurous spirit though, and maybe plan out holiday destinations for when you have leave from work? I know thats part of the reason that keeps me going back to work, it funds my future exploration!

All the best.
 
Hey :)

I find that I'm experiencing a very similar problem. I really loved university, but then afterwards when I moved back home things just all fell apart. I used to feel like I knew what I wanted to do and I was confident, but now all of that has changed. I've also lost contact with pretty much all my university friends and find that I just don't enjoy hanging out with my old high school friends anymore. :/

I'm not sure I know how to help you, but if you feel like talking to someone, PM me. :)
 
Ovid said:
Hi Tiger lily,

I understand what you mean about being happy at university, my uni years were fantastic, and I still go back from time to time to visit my lecturers.

Life does seem to get much more *real* after graduation, friends break off onto their own life tangents and it seems very lonely all of a sudden. I started working straight after graduating and slowly I have moved into a daily routine.

I'm also still living at home with my mother, purely because it helps me save, but it does tend to increase social isolation.

I think it's very important to get satisfaction from your work, and it is where i source alot of my confidence. If you aren't enjoying the work you are doing its definitely going to negatively affect most aspects of your life. 'Leaving work at work' is a very rare talent that most people can never master.

You should keep that adventurous spirit though, and maybe plan out holiday destinations for when you have leave from work? I know thats part of the reason that keeps me going back to work, it funds my future exploration!

All the best.

Hi Ovid, Thanks for your reply. I guese its about creating a new perspective to some degree aswell. When you thought you knew what you wanted but then that all changed. I guese you need to slowly find what your aiming for again.

Work is a big part of life yes, I am in a very stable comfortable job in many ways, but again its not great for socialising and I often feel lonley there. I work in a quiet office with people much older than me. When I come home I can forget about work but I really wish I could be in a more social job, yet I don't know what that would be. Its hard knowing what to go into when you dont want to go through all that studying again.

Thanks for your words. Appreciated

 
Xelha said:
I can't PM you, it says you have it disabled. :p

It seems like other people move away and make friends again yet Im so scared of moving away, if I've not done it in 4 years this shows how much of a big step it is for me and I cant imagine me doing in the near future, but surely moving away can't be the only answer?! Can it? It seems like everyone around me my age has done this- either stayed away after uni or move away with their partners. Why do I find it so difficult to do the same. Why do so few people stay in their home town these days? If I move away I could be in the same situation but in a financial mess.
 
If you have a job, you can afford to go to the bar. AKA the last refuge of genuinely spontaneous human interaction (the spontaeity frees you from all intellectual hardship and labor).
 
I was unaware you were not allowed to be friends with people who have families.

It sounds to me like you need to move to a more populated area. Yes you will have to leave your family but to quote an anime
We cannot stay with our family forever. That is why we fall in love with strangers and start new families.

Whatever you decide to do my advice, join a club. That will get you around like minded people. Once I can afford it, I plan on doing the following, to meet new people. Join a Japanese club and attend their language classes. And take dancing lesions. Both will get me out and interacting.

Having a lack of direction is natural at our age, I am 25. For the first time in our lives we ae not told what to do. We need to find our own route, and we can only learn if it is a bad idea. Now is the time to find your path. If it is the wrong path. Then you just need to try something else. Stop holding back your adventurous side and let it loose. I am sure the rest will fall in place asking the way.
 

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