Left behind in a modern world where my traditional feelings, principles and understandings aren't welcome. It has become increasingly difficult to share, have feeling for and belong in any form of relationship with another being.
As a 19 year old that requires only to be needed, cared for and wanted finds himself alone, time and time again. I help those that I have lost to deal with it, yet I cant deal with it myself. My strong belief fueled by relationship after relationship failure leads me to understand at this age it is near imposssible to find a companion.
It may not just be that i am the only existing person who wants a relationship that means something, that goes deeper than the superficial protocols we follow in life. The last too understand the bond between two people can mean everything if it is requested. But maybe there are people like this out there and they don't wish to share this with me.
Alas a wierdo to the core. Where at first it is seemed cute, but quickly becomes old, bitter and resented. I'd welcome death if it would be granted to me while saving a life, anyones life. I fear not death but life. To continue in this beautiful experience where I dont belong, I am a Destroyer, I belong in the plains of the dammed. Give me something beautiful I will succeed in killing it.
The only way I can redeem myself is if I can find a soul that needs me, that I can replace my life in order to give them back theirs. It can be beautiful, it can be magical. But like a dying Rose mine quickly looses its beauty.
Through fire I burn, through water I erode, though air I waste and through earth I'm crushed. Beaten down to a single point of failure. My depression will create a void so vast I can pull everyone around me down into the abyss.
My passion for life though it has always been strong is often outweighted by the passion to cease my existence. What do you tell a man who believes suicide is weak and pathetic, yet wants it so dearly. Is there honnor in submision to the inevitable truth. My life as it stands is not worth living. what accomplishment is a few friends, who I dont talk to, a loving family that I reject and a mind so weak I will create manefestos of pure depression.
No this is not life, this is death. A hollow vesle waiting for a true purpose. Give me your hand and I will not let go, give me your life and I will protect it with mine, give me your soul and I will always love it. Show me your demons and I will accept them. However I know if it is flipped its a matter of days/months before the relationship, happiness, want and need is gone.
A shameful childhood of loneliness and repressed feelings, I find it hard to keep thought now that I've opened. I had a box which got opened, Its impossible to close. I hate the life I had but I feel it was better then the honest, peaceful one I lead. A constant battle to survive. The days on end where I wouldn't talk to a soul. Thoughts that were my own never to be shown, the future and past that I did not care for, zero feeling towards anything. The death inside was more barable then the life inside I have now.
I will always smile if it means it makes another smile, though it feels like a pike to the heart again and again. Every life is worth fighting for, but no life is worth living.
As a 19 year old that requires only to be needed, cared for and wanted finds himself alone, time and time again. I help those that I have lost to deal with it, yet I cant deal with it myself. My strong belief fueled by relationship after relationship failure leads me to understand at this age it is near imposssible to find a companion.
It may not just be that i am the only existing person who wants a relationship that means something, that goes deeper than the superficial protocols we follow in life. The last too understand the bond between two people can mean everything if it is requested. But maybe there are people like this out there and they don't wish to share this with me.
Alas a wierdo to the core. Where at first it is seemed cute, but quickly becomes old, bitter and resented. I'd welcome death if it would be granted to me while saving a life, anyones life. I fear not death but life. To continue in this beautiful experience where I dont belong, I am a Destroyer, I belong in the plains of the dammed. Give me something beautiful I will succeed in killing it.
The only way I can redeem myself is if I can find a soul that needs me, that I can replace my life in order to give them back theirs. It can be beautiful, it can be magical. But like a dying Rose mine quickly looses its beauty.
Through fire I burn, through water I erode, though air I waste and through earth I'm crushed. Beaten down to a single point of failure. My depression will create a void so vast I can pull everyone around me down into the abyss.
My passion for life though it has always been strong is often outweighted by the passion to cease my existence. What do you tell a man who believes suicide is weak and pathetic, yet wants it so dearly. Is there honnor in submision to the inevitable truth. My life as it stands is not worth living. what accomplishment is a few friends, who I dont talk to, a loving family that I reject and a mind so weak I will create manefestos of pure depression.
No this is not life, this is death. A hollow vesle waiting for a true purpose. Give me your hand and I will not let go, give me your life and I will protect it with mine, give me your soul and I will always love it. Show me your demons and I will accept them. However I know if it is flipped its a matter of days/months before the relationship, happiness, want and need is gone.
A shameful childhood of loneliness and repressed feelings, I find it hard to keep thought now that I've opened. I had a box which got opened, Its impossible to close. I hate the life I had but I feel it was better then the honest, peaceful one I lead. A constant battle to survive. The days on end where I wouldn't talk to a soul. Thoughts that were my own never to be shown, the future and past that I did not care for, zero feeling towards anything. The death inside was more barable then the life inside I have now.
I will always smile if it means it makes another smile, though it feels like a pike to the heart again and again. Every life is worth fighting for, but no life is worth living.
