Very lonely college student

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Well where to begin.. I must say I feel very ashamed to have to post in a place like this (not trying to say anything bad here) ... I am a very lonely person.. I think all of my life I've seen people not take me seriously, I've had friends leave me one by one, slowly but surely, its like as time goes on the worse it gets, its like I'm getting left behind and there isn't a **** thing I can do about =[ I always felt that I wasn't good enough for the people around me, that somehow I'm too inadequate for them and there high standards, I feel like I am a failure in life, I guess it makes sense sometimes.. no one wants to be with a lonely loser like me. Being in college doesn't mean that much if you don't know what your doing with your life. Without a direction I'm just a lost person trying to find my way (and failing)
What can I do.. I've always been a very shy person, never was a people person, though I always give people consideration b4 me, sometimes people have taken advantage of me because of that and well that doesnt help doesnt it.. Its gone to a point where I think that ill never get out of this loneliness, it sucks..
Anyways I won't make this post too long..
I'm new here btw..
 
Hi, I'm new too, and your post reminds me of lots of things I have thought too, about giving people consideration before you, etc. I am seeing on this forum that so many people feel lonely, so I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of at all. You do need to find direction in your life. Focus on your academics first and foremost. You are in college so I think another good place to start is to try to find a club or society that interests you, or use the gym there, or something like that. It can feel daunting to put yourself out there but the risk is worth it. And you are not a failure!....you have succeeded in getting into college, right? So now you have to keep going with other things as well, so why not try some extra-curricular activities.... I hope this helps somewhat.
 
Hugs!

Welcome to the forums, they're full of incredibly supportive people who get it and will help however they can. I know - from experience.

Darling, I will make one request, though. Please stop ditching and badmouthing yourself. The best way to start on your way to liking yourself and figuring things out is to recognize that you're worthwhile and to not let anyone - especially not yourself - talk otherwise.

I'll make a suggestion to you. List the 3 things you like about yourself the most, and 5 things you're interested in. It will give you a place to start looking positively at yourself and your life. It will also give people an immediate opening to talk to you - they'll be able to find something in common easily.

About college - I wish I had sage advice about college, but... Hang in there, and try to remember that you want to learn something, which is why you're in College. See if you can find people in your classes to talk to and study partner with..

Good luck!
Hugs!
 
Hello VLCS -- Both kaede & Sylver gave you some excellent, wise advice. You're so fortunate to be enrolled in college. Study hard! A higher education not only gives you an edge but it also teaches analytical and life skills. What's your major? Maybe it's one that I'm familiar with and I wouldn't mind sharing some hints for success. Keep your chin up! LG:)
 
Thanks for the reply guys, I really appreciate the any input you guys have..
About self-hatred, I've realized that yes, this is one of the worst things that an do to myself at this point.. but its hard, its like falling into a rabbit hole and then trying to climb out, when you have virtually destroyed your own sense of self confidence its hard trying to reverse that.
@kaede
Yes I do have to try to get myself out there and do those things, but somehow I've always sabotaged myself because I always end up stopping myself from trying these things because I've developed this mindset where I don't believe that I'll succeed no matter how much I try (at least when it comes to being social and making friends)

I guess one good thing is that no matter whats happening I'm still trying, I'm not giving up and based on some of the experiences I've read about in some other posts I don't have it that bad..
 
It's great that you're still trying. That is really all that matters. This is your life, right now. Don't wait for it to start "someday". So yes, keep trying every day. And even if you try something and quit, at least you tried, right? And it was a new experience to add to your list of life experience. I have for instance done certain sports or athletic things, and then stopped, but at least I can say I did it, I had that experience. And that makes me feel good, even if I no longer do it at this time.

The self-sabotage thing is tough. But if you make one connection, one friend, or even just a passing acquaintance at an extra-curricular activity it will again add to that life experience and your confidence will improve. As you accumulate social experiences it will boost your self-confidence in any social situation. Keep going! :)
 
Stop blaming others and take responsibility by yourself and then do what you think is right for you. don't rely on others. this is the only way forward and soon you will find yourself in a crowd of friends.
 
Angus said:
Stop blaming others and take responsibility by yourself and then do what you think is right for you. don't rely on others. this is the only way forward and soon you will find yourself in a crowd of friends.

In my mind I know I have to do that but for me it can be a bit difficult, I'll be honest, I was kinda raised spoiled(ish) but usually I dont clamor for everything, I was taken care of too much (for better or for worse) from my parents at a young age so theres this sense of dependency thats hard to shake Still though, I don't think that I directly blame people for my situation.. I think its a matter of consequence, me not being interesting enuf for them leading to them leaving me. It sucks to have bad social skills at an older age, its just not longer acceptable by others in that by college time when u talk to people if you dont have much cool to offer they wont have any good reason to become your friend so the cycle continues...
And once your in that cycle its hard to break out..


Hangman said:
Do you know what Aspergers is buddy? Im proud that your in college

I didn't.. but I looked it up.. **** that's rough man.. It's unfair what a lot of people have to go thru.. stuff that they can never be cured..
It makes me realize that I have no right to say that I have things unfair because to be honest I have it quite good in many ways.
 
There should be a gym in your college that you can use for free! Take advantage! If you're lonely and bored, go there!
 
@SocratesX
I've always doubted the "benefits" of working out and exercise.. Idk, I don't see how that can "change my life" like some people suggest it can do. Sure it'll be beneficial but eh...
 
Hugs, Socially Impaired!

While I'm not a really big exerciser, I can tell you that it *does* help surprisingly much to be active about an hour a day.. Going to martial arts classes is one of the things that really helped me pull out of my major depression and when I was exercising it was a big help for not falling into another.

That, and you sleep better once you get into it.

It's not the "Miracle Solution TM" but it can help.

Still, finding people with your hobbies or the same ethics will help too. :)
 
i'm also a very lonely college student :D (nothing to be happy though lol)
the part i hate the most is that i don't know what to do in breaks between the lectures, i draw, try to study or do anything to look like i'm busy so i won't look that completely pathetic sitting all alone. i will go for a rest room, take something to drink, i will go just for a walk and sit somewhere no one sees me.... it gets kinda worse as time passes cause i've missed the chance to get some friends at my first year when everyone don't have much connections and now, one year later it will look lame if i'll just start making those "new" connections. though even if i wanted to make them it's not gonna work cause i suck at it....
well it's much more complicated than just it... but i can't express myself very well.
 
Hugs, Sunny!

Most of the friends I made in school were after the first year.. It's not uncommon for people to take a while before they're comfortable enough to try to make friends..

How about, instead of going off by yourself, you try to find one person who you think you might have fun with and ask them if they want to eat lunch together.. Even just talking to them about a school project may open a door. The important (and often the hardest) thing is to open yourself up and give talking to another person a chance. (The second hardest is doing it again and again regardless of the result, but it's harder to try after a period of skulking..)

I had several people in class that became friends with me that I would never have imagined becoming friends with, since we were so different. But we worked on a project together and got to talking about school stuff.. Then about work stuff.. Then about home stuff and hobbies and the next thing I know, we're talking almost every day just to catch up..

I wish you the very best of luck and hope things go well for you. Please remember that we are here for you and rooting for you (and would love to know how things are going! :p )

Hugs!
 
sunny said:
i'm also a very lonely college student :D (nothing to be happy though lol)
the part i hate the most is that i don't know what to do in breaks between the lectures, i draw, try to study or do anything to look like i'm busy so i won't look that completely pathetic sitting all alone. i will go for a rest room, take something to drink, i will go just for a walk and sit somewhere no one sees me.... it gets kinda worse as time passes cause i've missed the chance to get some friends at my first year when everyone don't have much connections and now, one year later it will look lame if i'll just start making those "new" connections. though even if i wanted to make them it's not gonna work cause i suck at it....
well it's much more complicated than just it... but i can't express myself very well.
Wow you sound alot like me sunny.. so much so its scary. I do like 90% of the things you just described.. it does suck.. its like the boat sailed along time ago since im actually way past my first year AND that I actually transferred schools too. Sometimes it feels like if you don't "establish" myself in the college community (or a school community for that matter) I feel that its like missing the boat and watching it sail away.. leaving you behind.. forever =(

 
Sylver said:
Hugs, Sunny!

Most of the friends I made in school were after the first year.. It's not uncommon for people to take a while before they're comfortable enough to try to make friends..

How about, instead of going off by yourself, you try to find one person who you think you might have fun with and ask them if they want to eat lunch together.. Even just talking to them about a school project may open a door. The important (and often the hardest) thing is to open yourself up and give talking to another person a chance. (The second hardest is doing it again and again regardless of the result, but it's harder to try after a period of skulking..)

I had several people in class that became friends with me that I would never have imagined becoming friends with, since we were so different. But we worked on a project together and got to talking about school stuff.. Then about work stuff.. Then about home stuff and hobbies and the next thing I know, we're talking almost every day just to catch up..

I wish you the very best of luck and hope things go well for you. Please remember that we are here for you and rooting for you (and would love to know how things are going! :p )

Hugs!

thank you so much for the kind words and the advice. i really appreciate it, but the connection is not the hardest part for me. i can come to someone say 'hi, how is it going...' but i don't know what to do next.
i don't want to connect just to anyone because i had too many 'friends' who were just ppl i didn't like and i don't want to be fake anymore. i have some ppl i talk to in college, but they are not ppl i enjoy their company. my biggest problem is having a conversation:
1. many times i don't fully understand/hear what someone says so i would just pretend i did and it creates awkward situations when ppl expecting some opposite reaction from me.
2. i also don't catch all of what ppl saying to me as others usually do... sometimes i say yes or smile and just few seconds after my mind understands what the person told.
3. i slightly stutter.
4. i don't find words that will express what i want during the conversation.
5-- and the most important, i don't know much what to talk about.

those stuff happen to me all together and in worst shape when i'm with new ppl i don't know and they are ppl i'm exited from.
though with ppl i know long time i have many topics to talk about and i'm even almost normal cause they know i have some talking issues and skimp that on...

i have these times sometimes when i'm with a long term friend and then i feel so secure that i act with confidence of normal person and even being more talkative and daring than the friend.

it's just in college, the situation is different because there, all of those who study with me have at least one two friends, most of them are friendly with lots of ppl and sitting together the whole company during the breaks and talk. that's where i'm left alone.

sorry about all that story, it's so long but still not even half of what i've got to say.
human relations are just too complicated :(

Socially_Impaired said:
Wow you sound alot like me sunny.. so much so its scary. I do like 90% of the things you just described.. it does suck.. its like the boat sailed along time ago since im actually way past my first year AND that I actually transferred schools too. Sometimes it feels like if you don't "establish" myself in the college community (or a school community for that matter) I feel that its like missing the boat and watching it sail away.. leaving you behind.. forever =(

i agree with you, once you have this image that everyone has of you, it'll be just too awkward to come and start being all different...
but i think, if you don't have those issues i've listed i do with talking and stuff and you're just shy trying to talk to someone i think silvers advice of getting it slowly with doing some homework together is quite nice.

what is your difficulty on getting friends? tell some more, maybe someone will have a good trick or advice. or maybe even i will.
it's quite funny when i'm around some shy and untalkative ppl i have my confidence boosted and i'm the one who making the connection lol
i was quite a looser at high school and i'm not that person anymore, but i still didn't shake that all completely and feel less worth when i'm around ppl who i were the popular kids type at school...
 
Socially_Impaired said:
sunny said:
i'm also a very lonely college student :D (nothing to be happy though lol)
the part i hate the most is that i don't know what to do in breaks between the lectures, i draw, try to study or do anything to look like i'm busy so i won't look that completely pathetic sitting all alone. i will go for a rest room, take something to drink, i will go just for a walk and sit somewhere no one sees me.... it gets kinda worse as time passes cause i've missed the chance to get some friends at my first year when everyone don't have much connections and now, one year later it will look lame if i'll just start making those "new" connections. though even if i wanted to make them it's not gonna work cause i suck at it....
well it's much more complicated than just it... but i can't express myself very well.
Wow you sound alot like me sunny.. so much so its scary. I do like 90% of the things you just described.. it does suck.. its like the boat sailed along time ago since im actually way past my first year AND that I actually transferred schools too. Sometimes it feels like if you don't "establish" myself in the college community (or a school community for that matter) I feel that its like missing the boat and watching it sail away.. leaving you behind.. forever =(

wow that's me as well. i transferred and i was at a VERY new school (mandatory moving problems). i transferred twice because of these mandatory movings. i do have "friends"...but then again...i just call them friends because there people i can talk with and walk with in between classes. i guess u can say associates.

well...being a "closeted" lesbian will do that to u i guess :( *sighs* i'm definitely gonna try and make that better tho. i'm so fed up with being a single and lonely.

this reminds me of a thread i wanna do *leaves out* lol
 

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