Sylver said:
Hugs, Sunny!
Most of the friends I made in school were after the first year.. It's not uncommon for people to take a while before they're comfortable enough to try to make friends..
How about, instead of going off by yourself, you try to find one person who you think you might have fun with and ask them if they want to eat lunch together.. Even just talking to them about a school project may open a door. The important (and often the hardest) thing is to open yourself up and give talking to another person a chance. (The second hardest is doing it again and again regardless of the result, but it's harder to try after a period of skulking..)
I had several people in class that became friends with me that I would never have imagined becoming friends with, since we were so different. But we worked on a project together and got to talking about school stuff.. Then about work stuff.. Then about home stuff and hobbies and the next thing I know, we're talking almost every day just to catch up..
I wish you the very best of luck and hope things go well for you. Please remember that we are here for you and rooting for you (and would love to know how things are going!
)
Hugs!
thank you so much for the kind words and the advice. i really appreciate it, but the connection is not the hardest part for me. i can come to someone say 'hi, how is it going...' but i don't know what to do next.
i don't want to connect just to anyone because i had too many 'friends' who were just ppl i didn't like and i don't want to be fake anymore. i have some ppl i talk to in college, but they are not ppl i enjoy their company. my biggest problem is having a conversation:
1. many times i don't fully understand/hear what someone says so i would just pretend i did and it creates awkward situations when ppl expecting some opposite reaction from me.
2. i also don't catch all of what ppl saying to me as others usually do... sometimes i say yes or smile and just few seconds after my mind understands what the person told.
3. i slightly stutter.
4. i don't find words that will express what i want during the conversation.
5-- and the most important, i don't know much what to talk about.
those stuff happen to me all together and in worst shape when i'm with new ppl i don't know and they are ppl i'm exited from.
though with ppl i know long time i have many topics to talk about and i'm even almost normal cause they know i have some talking issues and skimp that on...
i have these times sometimes when i'm with a long term friend and then i feel so secure that i act with confidence of normal person and even being more talkative and daring than the friend.
it's just in college, the situation is different because there, all of those who study with me have at least one two friends, most of them are friendly with lots of ppl and sitting together the whole company during the breaks and talk. that's where i'm left alone.
sorry about all that story, it's so long but still not even half of what i've got to say.
human relations are just too complicated
Socially_Impaired said:
Wow you sound alot like me sunny.. so much so its scary. I do like 90% of the things you just described.. it does suck.. its like the boat sailed along time ago since im actually way past my first year AND that I actually transferred schools too. Sometimes it feels like if you don't "establish" myself in the college community (or a school community for that matter) I feel that its like missing the boat and watching it sail away.. leaving you behind.. forever =(
i agree with you, once you have this image that everyone has of you, it'll be just too awkward to come and start being all different...
but i think, if you don't have those issues i've listed i do with talking and stuff and you're just shy trying to talk to someone i think silvers advice of getting it slowly with doing some homework together is quite nice.
what is your difficulty on getting friends? tell some more, maybe someone will have a good trick or advice. or maybe even i will.
it's quite funny when i'm around some shy and untalkative ppl i have my confidence boosted and i'm the one who making the connection lol
i was quite a looser at high school and i'm not that person anymore, but i still didn't shake that all completely and feel less worth when i'm around ppl who i were the popular kids type at school...