Why So Thoughtful?

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stuff4096

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Being thoughtful would seem like something good, yet there have been numerous occasions where being thoughtful has backfired on me...

I had been hanging out with a girl for about a month. I saw some bears holding letters and thought it would be nice to get the ones that spelled her name. Well, when I told her I had something for her she gave me this look that made me regret saying anything. I literally just wanted to get out of there, but of course I was already too deep in so I gave her the bears. I will never forget that look :S

On this same girl's birthday (several months later), I gave her two things I knew she would like: a pair of earrings she had mentioned she wanted to get someday to complete her collection of pieces by the same artist (and these earrings weren't expensive or anything) and a Jack Sparrow t-shirt (she was a big Pirates Of The Caribbean fan). Anyhow, I dropped the gift off at her apartment (she wasn't home when I went). Later I got a call from her saying that a call saying happy birthday would have been enough. I have also had other instances where have told me not to think of them...

Anyhow, there are more incidents but I think that is enough for now. It makes me question everything I plan to do for someone now because I am afraid they will react negatively. So I keep asking myself why so thoughtful? Am I wrong for thinking about other people? It is very frustrating. It makes me feel like I do not matter... so much darkness in my life :(
 
Hi Stuff & Merry Xmas to you -- It's generous to offer material gifts to people you care about but with some people maybe it's simply better to be an attentive listener and practice random acts of kindness on a regular basis? Just an idea, LG:)
 
stuff4096 said:
Being thoughtful would seem like something good, yet there have been numerous occasions where being thoughtful has backfired on me...

I had been hanging out with a girl for about a month. I saw some bears holding letters and thought it would be nice to get the ones that spelled her name. Well, when I told her I had something for her she gave me this look that made me regret saying anything. I literally just wanted to get out of there, but of course I was already too deep in so I gave her the bears. I will never forget that look :S

On this same girl's birthday (several months later), I gave her two things I knew she would like: a pair of earrings she had mentioned she wanted to get someday to complete her collection of pieces by the same artist (and these earrings weren't expensive or anything) and a Jack Sparrow t-shirt (she was a big Pirates Of The Caribbean fan). Anyhow, I dropped the gift off at her apartment (she wasn't home when I went). Later I got a call from her saying that a call saying happy birthday would have been enough. I have also had other instances where have told me not to think of them...

Anyhow, there are more incidents but I think that is enough for now. It makes me question everything I plan to do for someone now because I am afraid they will react negatively. So I keep asking myself why so thoughtful? Am I wrong for thinking about other people? It is very frustrating. It makes me feel like I do not matter... so much darkness in my life :(

it sounds as if they are afraid of having to reciprocate, but either don't want to, or are afraid they won't know how to.
:/
 
dead said:
it sounds as if they are afraid of having to reciprocate, but either don't want to, or are afraid they won't know how to.
:/

Yeah thats exactly what i thought when reading the post too.
 
lol o man dude she must of thought u were creepy when you gave her the gift with her name of the bears, listen women dont like 'nice' guys, these are lame to them, they want people who look out for themselves, like james bond.
 
If your a person with full of thoughts and you do every thing with thoughtfulness and dude your are not a loser at all. It is a good quality for a person to adopt.
 
Hangman said:
lol o man dude she must of thought u were creepy when you gave her the gift with her name of the bears, listen women dont like 'nice' guys, these are lame to them, they want people who look out for themselves, like james bond.

umm....I'm a woman and I completely disagree with this. Completely.
 
EveWasFramed said:
Hangman said:
lol o man dude she must of thought u were creepy when you gave her the gift with her name of the bears, listen women dont like 'nice' guys, these are lame to them, they want people who look out for themselves, like james bond.

umm....I'm a woman and I completely disagree with this. Completely.

Nice to have a woman's opinion on the subject :)
 
Hugs!

I have to tell you, the reactions that you're describing are completely incomprehensible to me. Really.

It sounds like you're an incredibly sweet person who puts in a serious amount of time and effort into their friends and loved ones. Considering how hard I find it to do the same, I especially appreciate the people who seem to be able to go to greater lengths to let others know they care.

I wish I had some kind of advice for you about these people..

Hugs!
 
It sounded sweet to me.
 
stuff4096 said:
EveWasFramed said:
Hangman said:
lol o man dude she must of thought u were creepy when you gave her the gift with her name of the bears, listen women dont like 'nice' guys, these are lame to them, they want people who look out for themselves, like james bond.

umm....I'm a woman and I completely disagree with this. Completely.

Nice to have a woman's opinion on the subject :)


I too am a woman... and i think that gesture, to give her the bears was very nice, and super sweet.

I also DISAGREE with hangman's statement. I DO NOT think "nice" guys are lame. I will NOT date an *******.... I only WANT to date a nice guy....

Stuff, don't listen to jerks that say LAME things like "women don't like nice guys" ok? it is so totally NOT the truth!
 
Danielle said:
stuff4096 said:
EveWasFramed said:
Hangman said:
lol o man dude she must of thought u were creepy when you gave her the gift with her name of the bears, listen women dont like 'nice' guys, these are lame to them, they want people who look out for themselves, like james bond.

umm....I'm a woman and I completely disagree with this. Completely.

Nice to have a woman's opinion on the subject :)


I too am a woman... and i think that gesture, to give her the bears was very nice, and super sweet.

I also DISAGREE with hangman's statement. I DO NOT think "nice" guys are lame. I will NOT date an *******.... I only WANT to date a nice guy....

Stuff, don't listen to jerks that say LAME things like "women don't like nice guys" ok? it is so totally NOT the truth!

i can only wish there were more women/girls like you, Danielle.
it does sometimes seem that girls only like jerks. you cool ladies are too few and far between, seriously.
 
there are plenty of woman that want a nice guy... every one of my friends... women i casually talk to about men... we ALL want a nice man, a man that has a sensitive side, that can and will be sweet, and show us that there are men out there that aren't all dicks!

I mean.. we could totally swing this conversation over.. to saying that all men are big ole' pricks... but i know thats not the truth... and so do all the women here....

I know Dead, that you aren't the OP... but that above statement.. goes to all the men that think that women just want players! It's not true... I'd rather sit by myself, alone, for the rest of my life, than spend time with a dick head.... I think I speak for most, if not all the women here as well....
 
Hangman said:
lol o man dude she must of thought u were creepy when you gave her the gift with her name of the bears, listen women dont like 'nice' guys, these are lame to them, they want people who look out for themselves, like james bond.
Dan Quayle was ridiculed for making a comment about Murphy Brown and single motherhood. The press trashed him because Murphy Brown is a fictional character.

 
Hey Stuff, the things you did for the girl was awesome, wish I had someone like that when I was still young.

Hey Stuff, the things you did for the girl was awesome, wish I had someone like that when I was still young.
 
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stuff: those were really thoughtful gifts. I think your friends might have chips on their shoulders or something, or maybe have the wrong idea about your intentions for giving them. I can't think of any female friend of mine who would object if I got them cool and thoughtful gifts like that, let alone give me cut-eye.
 
Hi there~

I am a bit confused...at first I thought this post was about a possible friendship...is it? Or are you male and this is a possible woman you are attracted to?

Others will get mad at me but I disagree with most of the women here. It's not that all women like "bad" boys...I certainly do not. I like good men with good qualities...it's that women don't like men who give too much too soon and/or try to hard.

Now, your giving maybe simply spontaneous and not about trying really hard...but see, they may not see it like that. They may see it as being ingratiating. Also, giving gifts is often seen as having strings attached. If you give a gift, to a potential friend or lover, it may put too much pressure on the relationship to be more than it is. In other words, the relationship may not be at the "gift" stage yet and because of that creates awkwardness, perhaps guilt or a sense of obligation.

I am betting this person felt that. She didn't think of giving (or getting) a gift from you and wasn't ready for one.

Women like good men but they also need a man who respects himself FIRST. They want a man who doesn't want to give it all away, who knows that his company is enough.

I would look online about being "too nice". In all types of relationships if we are "too nice" and maybe giving too much of ourselves too soon, it sometimes communicates lack of self-respect and there is where the turn off lies. Askmen dot com has a lot of articles on this. I do not advocate being a don juan...but I do advocate not giving too much too soon, especially for men.

Nothing wrong with being "thoughtful" but wait for the right time to be so. Being a thoughtful husband and long term bf is wonderful...being too thoughtful too soon when they haven't proved their worth is not.

I hope this helps.
 

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