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How come making relationships are so easy for some people?
#1
How come "normal" people just make relationships so easily. I like to think I'm a pretty friendly person. When someone strikes up a conversation with me I reciprocate (although I'm not really one to start conversations). I'm considered a funny and charming person by coworkers/classmates (if somewhat shy and awkward at times). My counselor says I'm a good conversationalist.

So the question is, how the hell do some people seem to make friends and lovers so easily? It's like breathing to them. It just seems to happen. Like I'm in this class one time. I'm friendly with everybody. I get along well. But a few weeks later into the class, I hear them talking about how they are going out to do stuff with each other. I'm never invited. How the hell does this happen?

What could I be doing wrong? My current way of dealing with people is like this:

1. talk to people
2. be charming and funny
3. ????
4. PROFIT (i.e. new friend or partner)

Anybody know what step 3 is supposed to be?
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#2
If anyone around here knew, they probably would not even know that this place existed.

As for me, I'm still stuck at number 1.

I think some people are just destined for a life of solitude and there's nothing you can do to change that.
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#3
I think the "normal" people you speak of are generally more outgoing than others. They know how to make friends and lovers easily because it's just in their personality to do so.

Number 3 could be just being sincere and honest.
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#4
I envy people who can do this.... I wish i wasnt so darn shy. Sad
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#5
i am probably going to be making a generalization here, about both men and women but this is a pattern that i often see. most men are kind of dicks when it comes to women, but then complain about how they act towards them. most women seem to be attracted to guys that dont treat them all that great, yet that isnt what they really want. it seems like a cycle that repeats itself constantly. but then both wonder why nothing ever lasts. i am not claiming this as fact but this is mostly what i see among people i know and from being out in public and seeing couples together.

so i wouldnt say that its easy for people to make relationships, people just seem to fall into this pattern over and over again from what ive seen.
[Image: edgecrusher02.jpg]
"Once you assume a creator and a plan, it makes us objects in an experiment." - Christopher Hitchens
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#6
(01-03-2011, 04:13 AM)edgecrusher Wrote: i am probably going to be making a generalization here, about both men and women but this is a pattern that i often see. most men are kind of dicks when it comes to women, but then complain about how they act towards them. most women seem to be attracted to guys that dont treat them all that great, yet that isnt what they really want. it seems like a cycle that repeats itself constantly. but then both wonder why nothing ever lasts. i am not claiming this as fact but this is mostly what i see among people i know and from being out in public and seeing couples together.

so i wouldnt say that its easy for people to make relationships, people just seem to fall into this pattern over and over again from what ive seen.

Edgecrusher speaks the truth. I have notice this for years! I will never be a dick to a woman, which explains why I will probaly be Alone the rest of my life. Sad
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#7
I don't know what 3 is supposed to be, but if you see people as profit, maybe that's a problem in itself.
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#8
(01-03-2011, 11:55 AM)VanillaCreme Wrote: I don't know what 3 is supposed to be, but if you see people as profit, maybe that's a problem in itself.

It's just an internet meme =P

I've always thought it's "easier" for some people to make relationships is because some of these people keeps trying without giving it too much thoughts, but not desperately trying.

I also think once you already have connections established, things will become easier since you already know a few friends, like say to throw a party, and people comes naturally, the more people you know, the more chances you get and the more connections you will have.

Sometimes I don't think these people always start from square one, some people grew up doing this and already had friends or at least the "skills" established.

and yea some people are jerks or douchebags, but some of them tries harder and let their thoughts be known, which makes it easier for some people to make "connections" or communicate with, though an outgoing nice guy will probably be as effective, at least from my observations with people I've met, I'm pretty sure most of my blood relatives and their friends were nice people, so the whole "women loves douchebags and vice versa" has always been some kind of selective attention to me.
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#9
Its easy cuz I berlive its and Im easy going. Becuz being socialable or my pasttime isnt always my number 1 priority....the same gose for women.

If anything..my challange had always been getting side tracked...the more I need to focuis on my career. Educations or improving myself...the people wanna call me to go jhang out or gf wamts me to go be with her its like im too buissied sometimes...
As far as me being a jerk to my GF..its not what it looks like on the surface becuase sometimes she pick a fight with me then later tell me to fuck the living shit out of her. Other times its just me telling herr "NO" Im not putting up with her shit or I m not a fucken doormate or pushover. It turn me off if she kisses my ass too sometimes..Other times its just stupid arguments or venting becuz we both know its not healthy to sholve ur emotions..then we just make up..
Its not mooshy mooshy all tjhe time.
Just gotta be easy going when it gets like that too and not over think it.
Just like Im perffectly Imperfect...
Its easy cuz I berlive its and Im easy going. Becuz being socialable or my pasttime isnt always my number 1 priority....the same gose for women.

If anything..my challange had always been getting side tracked...the more I need to focuis on my career. Educations or improving myself.. people wanna call me to go hang out or gf wants me to go be with her its like im too buissied sometimes.
As far as me being a jerk to my GF.ts not what it looks like on the surface. becuase sometimes she pick a fight with me then later tell me to fuck the living shit out of her. Other times its just me telling herr "NO" Im not putting up with her shit or I m not a fucken doormate or pushover. It turn me off if she kisses my ass too sometimes..Other times its just stupid arguments or venting becuz we both know its not healthy to sholve ur emotions..then we just make up..
Its not mooshy mooshy all tjhe time.
Just gotta be easy going when it gets like that too and not over think it.
Just like Im perffectly Imperfect.
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#10
(01-02-2011, 08:43 AM)healer Wrote: How come "normal" people just make relationships so easily. I like to think I'm a pretty friendly person. When someone strikes up a conversation with me I reciprocate (although I'm not really one to start conversations). I'm considered a funny and charming person by coworkers/classmates (if somewhat shy and awkward at times). My counselor says I'm a good conversationalist.

So the question is, how the hell do some people seem to make friends and lovers so easily? It's like breathing to them. It just seems to happen. Like I'm in this class one time. I'm friendly with everybody. I get along well. But a few weeks later into the class, I hear them talking about how they are going out to do stuff with each other. I'm never invited. How the hell does this happen?

It may seem like some people are able to 'make friends and lovers' so easily, but to me it's not about the quantity so much as it is the quality. On the surface it might seem like other people have a million friends but I question how close and true these relationships really are.

I think perhaps you are confusing true friendships with acquaintances. Meeting people and making acquaintances is very easy to do. Forming a true friendship is much more rare and doesn't just happen overnight.

Most people have very few (if any at all) true friends.
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