Feeling down. Would love any kind of human contact. (Sugar Land ,TX)

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Siren

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Hello everyone.

My life has taken a turn for the worse, and I have learned that it is, for the most part, out of my hands for complicated reasons. I miss my happy, popular old self. :(

But there is hope. I am happy when I am around those who will listen. Just set a date and time and I would love to play video games with you and take a walk around the mall.

You have no idea how great your favor would impact my life as well as yours. Please call *moderator edit*. The internet makes me feel lonelier than when I'm with family. (Which is pretty **** lonely!) And you don't have to be from Texas to call. I would love to speak to all of you, if given the chance.

I am proud of myself for bearing the unbearable. I'm sure most people would kill themselves if they were in my position. (sorry if that sounds conceited, but I don't have any other way of expressing myself...)

There is a thin line between solitude and death. God bless those who are willing to find a silver lining.

Oh and if there are any girls posting, I would love to sing you a song. I have an incredible singing voice that has thankfully not dissipated.
 
Wow. The lack of replies only fulfills my prophecies. No one is listening, in all probability, but here goes nothing.

I have unfortunately lost every component that has made me human in the past. I can't cry, I can't laugh, I can't get a girlfriend because of quantum mechanics and genetics (don't ask me how, as the details are too hazy in my brain-dead mind for me to explain. Just think of Jim Carry in The Truman Show and the path destroying shenanigans he went through to find happiness, only subtract the part when he finally left the fake world he lived in. THAT is the world I live in. Yes, that is right folks, I am stuck here -- lucid of only two things: that we all pretend to be happy, and my passions can never be fulfilled. We put up false fronts to keep on living, because we are tormented by beautiful memories of the past -- memories which can never be re-lived, situations which can never be changed -- and we can't kill ourselves because this is the only life we will ever have. Then I realize that I have nothing to live for and the paradoxical cycle continues until my death.).

I miss being able to feel, being admired, but I just don't believe in anything anymore...It's not my fault. I have tried everything. I guess it was inevitable from the get-go that I would grow up to be a useless fagot who is repulsive to the people who consider him for hire, all charm and charisma destroyed, etc, etc. I can't even buy a new pet, because

1. I lack the money and parents who will accept the last true wish that would bring me even a speck of happiness.

2. Every single dog that I find desirable is in some way UNATTAINABLE! Either the owners live too far away, or eh...I don't know how to express myself anymore.

I feel like a droid. I only eat because it keeps me alive. Masturbating is no longer fun, either.

The biggest tragedy perhaps is the fact that I still have to see my handsome body every morning, but I will always know that looks don't make much of a difference anymore now that I am fundamentally useless to anyone and everyone. Thus, both my looks and my intellect (or lack thereof) are a curse. I have alienated myself from society, but I lack the fundamental intelligence to do all of the fun stuff like crime. I am left in a purgatory on earth. (which FYI, is infinitely worse than hell. I HAVE experienced hell and I can say without a doubt that I prefer it. To give you an idea of what it is like in my world, I ask you to picture yourself in a giant, endless white void. Take a few steps. Found anything interesting, yet? Ok take a few more. Exactly. What is the point of doing anything if there is nothing meaningful to do? If I am incapable of doing anything I want to do, not successfully nor unsuccessfully, but DOING ANYTHING in the first place? There is always an obstacle preventing me.

I would like to use this space to apologize to my body for not being good enough. I had so much ambition, such a lust for life that attracted everyone to me. Alas, even my best was not good enough to save you. May you rest in piece, Warren. You have died metaphysically just yesterday.

R.I.P.

01/03/2011

There, I am done feeling sorry for myself. Though admittedly that didn't feel as good as I hoped it would.
 
I'm pouting irl.... Why I wasn't I born in america? D: If I lived there, I'd be happy to hang out with ya. I'm sorry that I don't. I hope you feel better soon btw. Lots of love.
 
Siren said:
1. I lack the money and parents who will accept the last true wish that would bring me even a speck of happiness.

we're in the same boat buddy~
 
I dont live in the states, but if i did Id love to go for a walk in the mall with u. I can see u are going through a lot of pain, please dont give up hope. U never know what life can bring, just be patient.
Hope u feel better soon,and if u ever wanna talk to somebody u can talk to me. PM me if u want to.
Hugs
 

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