The ultimate humiliation

Does anybody out there feel humiliated
because you have no lover in your life?
Nobody special?
I do. I feel like I'm not "a real man"
not a whole and complete person.

I live in fear of running into my ex and having
to answer the inevitable question "are you married?,
do you have a girlfriend?, are you seeing anybody?"

Feeling pretty worthless right about now.

I have nobody in my life, either. But, my situation was, and will remain, a choice I made/make. I've not had a relationship for almost 20 years.

Do I feel less than a guy because I have no partner? No. I never relied upon females to make me feel male, anyway...I just thrill at even a simple close-up of a beautiful girl, on TV, and there I am...a guy, after all. Three seconds of close-up of Cheryl Cole or Catherine Zeta Jones and I know what it is that I am.

Is there a social pressure and almost an "expectation" that a guy will have a female partner or should not be looked upon as being a man? I think that there is, truth told - just as there is a weird and deranged idea that a guy doesn't mature if he still lives with his mother at just about any age above 18. All urban legends, all pure myth and all of enough worth to warrant merely ignoring. I suggest that you dismiss any such feelings.

Sometimes, let your groin do the remembering (but, none of the thinking) and you'll never forget what you are...a man!

Thank you,
This helps a little.

"A man who as a physical being is always turned toward the outside, thinking that his happiness lies outside him, finally turns inward and discovers that the source is within him."
-Søren Kierkegaard

I don't know if that helps, but I've been looking at a lot of different quotes lately and that one seems to be fairly relevant and useful. Obviously, I don't know the details of your situation, but from what I do know I can give you some of my thoughts: I personally have no 'lover' in the sense that you indicate. I'm only 19 years old so perhaps I'm too young to say anything helpful to your situation; but I've never had a girlfriend or come even close to having one (except maybe way back in grade 3 ), and I'm cool with that. I don't at all feel incomplete or humiliated. Sure, I think about that 'missing' aspect of my life sometimes, but I don't feel that I must go out and immediately find a lover. If you can find peace, comfort, and happiness within yourself you'll probably be a much happier person. Not to say that you can't then go out into the world and try to find that special someone, but I think the journey should begin within yourself first. Relying on someone else to make you feel 'complete' seems to me like a recipe for unhappiness. Don't spend your time living in fear of the mere possibility of running into your ex. If you say something like "I'm just figuring out my life right now," I think that's a perfectly respectable response. You shouldn't feel like you have to be seeing someone to have worth. There is much more to life than that. Personally, a relationship with God has helped me find meaning and purpose in my life, perhaps that could be one path to take. But wherever you are right now in you're life, try to happiness within yourself. Everything else will fall into place eventually...

I'm sure you're a great person.

Hope that helps.

You see, I don't feel less of a man because of the fact I'm perpetually single, but I feel as if I am missing a part of me that I just can't replace without somebody who loves me that's a women, somebody I can connect with on a deeper level, a more intimate interpersonal relationship, not as a lover, but as a friend, companion. Sexual activities arn't my motivation to find somebody that loves me and I love them, but the need to have this connection is what drives me. No i'm not looking for the perfect one, I know I won't find her, but simply the connection, however fleeting, in hopes that one day I'll find somebody I can be happy with for the rest of my life.

I feel the same when I was still single. At that time, I think of what really is the meaning of life. I wanted to be "HAPPY", but how that "HAPPINES" could be attained?

So I did things that I think could make me happy such as buying anything I want such drink this, eat that, having dates, go out and have fun, etc.. But afterwards, when all those enjoyments subsided, still I am empty, and I want more which is I do not know what is it, then I ended up doing the same things to satisfy myself. So therefore same result arrived, as if I went back to zero. So yah its humiliating when you met some relatives or ex's or close friends and asked same questions. As if you don't like to go home and just hide so that you will never encounter those questions.

With all of this happening to me, suddenly a close friend unseen for years came and he talked about something which is new for me. He portrays logical presentation about "HAPPINES" which is in duality that makes man's existence complete.

That is "EXTERNAL HAPPINESS" through external things (food, shelter, clothes) and is "Temporary Happiness", and "INTERNAL HAPPINESS" which can only be attained through having "RELATIONSHIPS", that is taught and practiced by religions centered on the family.

Since this is "NEW THOUGHT", I tried to study it, and I became happy knowing things that I can apply to my life. Philosophically, I am now walking on the road towards that "HAPPINESS" that everyone (unknowingly) wanted to attain. Please go to "Lovin' Life Ministries" to have more about it.

As Jesus said, "knock and it will be opened unto you, seek and you will find".

Intellectually speaking I believed the things you've said for a very long time.
But emotionally.......it still hurts.

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Sex is nice.
But it's no comparison to sex with a soul-mate.

It's a double-edged sword.
The person who brings the most joy
has the potential to do the most damage.

To lose someone that important can be devastating.

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Thank you for your reply (I mean that sincerely)

Believers are fond of saying "sometimes the answer is "No"

"No" would actually be an answer.

All I've ever heard is stone-cold silence.
(the same sound you hear when nobody is listening)

I do believe there's a God,
but prayer just sets you up for disappointment.

Well.. I'm not saying i'm not happy single or complete, when I am, and I am able to find much happiness in myself, however it seems to hurt even more when I think of how great it would be to share it with someone.

only me said:

Intellectually speaking I believed the things you've said for a very long time.
But emotionally.......it still hurts.

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Click to expand...

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I feel ya. I guess it will just take time to overcome the emotional struggle. Try to move on and you'll find that eventually you will.

"Our life always expresses the result of our dominant thoughts."
-Søren Kierkegaard

Forgive my obsession with quoting people, but I feel it's relevant once again.

Believers are fond of saying "sometimes the answer is "No"

"No" would actually be an answer.

All I've ever heard is stone-cold silence.
(the same sound you hear when nobody is listening)

I do believe there's a God,
but prayer just sets you up for disappointment.

Click to expand...

It sure would be nice if God just spoke to us more clearly and audibly. But, nevertheless, I do believe God will answer, somehow, someway. He works in mysterious ways...

"Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete."
-John 16:24

only me said:

Does anybody out there feel humiliated
because you have no lover in your life?
Nobody special?
I do. I feel like I'm not "a real man"
not a whole and complete person.

I live in fear of running into my ex and having
to answer the inevitable question "are you married?,
do you have a girlfriend?, are you seeing anybody?"

Feeling pretty worthless right about now.

Click to expand...

I know exactly what you mean. Except for running into the ex part.

I wouldn't say being single is a humiliation. But it can be pretty sad.

Han Jin said:

Since this is "NEW THOUGHT", I tried to study it, and I became happy knowing things that I can apply to my life. Philosophically, I am now walking on the road towards that "HAPPINESS" that everyone (unknowingly) wanted to attain. Please go to "Lovin' Life Ministries" to have more about it.

Click to expand...

fyi pretty sure that's a moonie church designed to look more mainstream for america. no offense han jin, if it works for you that's great but this church should be more transparent about who is really funding it, what it's leaders really believe, in order to be a good recommendation to strangers.