Obsessing over time when lonely and lost

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BunnyNumber8

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I started to panick today for the most stupid reason in the world .__.;

As mentionned in another thread awhile back, I dropped out of a college program I had been undergoing for 4 years, yes very close to graduating, dropped out because, I hated it, I couldn't take it anymore and I just didnt have the skills for it...when you have no social skills, faking them is rather hard :/ and there will be a breaking point...I'm just too shy, and socially awkward with too much anxiety to be a teacher...

After 1 month of staying home and doing nothing while lamenting over myself, I decided to take things into my own hands and start all over again..so I found a job and worked for 2 months and a half, right before the holydays and I got accepted in translation in college and it's a 3 year degree..

So here's the big issue, since I got accepted late, most classes for winter 2011 are full so instead of being a full time student I'm only part time and managed to get 3 classes.....and that is depressing me greatly..because it means I'm waisting valuable time .....

Because of this I'll graduate in fall 2013 at the age of 27 instead of winter 2013 at the age of 26 ........it sounds stupid doesnt it....but I'm obsessing over how old I become when I finally get my degree and start looking for a job...

I also feel intimidated by younger students......I hate this...it's stupid things to worry about....but the longer it takes for me to start my own life finally, the harder it is to bare it...

At least with a job I can meet people, buy my own place, make new friends ect...and not be stuck at home.

Are people who are lonely always like this ? Thinking about their biological clock........there's so much pressure in society nowadays ...everything has to be done quickly, get a job, have a family, pay your morgage, think about retirement....all these things frighten me....I hate thinking about them ...I also worry about my parents.. I mean how long can I stay with them o__O;;;; I'll go crazy if not them before me...all the negative comments, the nagging , the dissapointment -__-;;;;

The longer it takes me to graduate, the older I get and the more uneasy it becomes to stay in such an environment....alone, jobless, struggling at school and watching the clock tick and seeing hours pass by while my friends and family gain success after success ......my parents are lying now when they are asked why I'm not working yet..you know once you graduate obviously after a certain time you should be able to find a job in the domain you studied whether it's part time, full time or even a contract......they're so ashamed of me for quitting and I feel like such a loser :_(

I should be happy starting back from scratch and doing something I like for a change but.....I still don't feel any happier....I keep telling myself that the past is passed and I should think about the future and the more I think about it, the more frightened I am and I start thinking about how many years I waisted and how long it's gonna take to fix them and then I start to panick and start doing stupid things which led me in this situation in the 1st place...such a vicious cycle :(

So....do you guys get nervous thinking about the future and how time is flowing faster and faster and you feel like you're just sitting there waiting to get old and realise that you could have done so much....
 
Seems like you're ruining your NOW over a future that may never come.

I'm not a Buddhist in the worship sense, but I find the philosophy very helpful
so I'll lay this little question on you.

Given that death is certain
and the hour of death is unknown
what would be the best use of this precious moment?

I don't think that torturing yourself is a good use of your NOW.

Once you get your degree, what will you use to torture yourself then?

I do it too.
We both need to stop.
 
I briefly went to college right after high school. Out of two years, I don't think I actually attended enough classes to account for a single full semester. I wasn't ready for it at all, and I certainly didn't want to be there.

In 2009 the company I was working for went out of business, and on a whim I decided to go back to school, at the age of 28. I will be in my 30's by the time I'm done, but I have no regrets about that, and it's because we all come to these things in our own time. I wasn't ready for it the first time around, but I'm more than ready for it now, as the mass of A's on my transcript demonstrates.

Personal success isn't a race. It takes some people (like you) a little bit longer to zero in on, and it takes others (like me) even longer than that. That's okay. Neither of us have anything at all to be ashamed of. We all move at the pace that works best for us.

And don't worry about being older than your classmates. It could actually make you a better, more driven student. I did in my case.

Good luck!
 
Will if u obsess..ur going to be in ur head..which leaves u little or no time to seek out people. Its also like an escape mechanism.

Most of ur pains N sufferning comes from competing N compairing.
Ur compair ur self to others...
but u'll also compair to urself..Better times in the past or things should be much better in the future...which protect fears..
It comes from guilt..sometimes its subtle so it manifest itself through ur obsessions..
acceptence and forgiveness of urself will leaviate ur guilt N shame.
Love urself unconditionally through all of this.

Stop judging or condeming urself...its subtle

If u look @ it as just prefference..
U prefer to have this or that by when..etc This too will help or leaviate
ur guilt N shame.
You prefer something...its not a need.
So dont beat up urself.

Just practing or change ur enternal dialog. The more u pratcie the more and faster youll catch urself of the negative dialog..simply just let go
forgive urself and get back on positive dialog and move forward.
 
You need to not compare yourself to others so much because the time is yours, not theirs. While some people are lucky and have everything work out for them right away, that is not true for everyone. Some people work very hard, even completing ph.d.s, and then find it was a waste of time in terms of 'success'.

I know it is painful and difficult, and anyone who says it is all sunshine and daisies is lying to you. It is hard, but it is not too hard, and you're strong enough to get through it. Instead of trying to live up to expectations and always talking to yourself about those expectations, listen for what you actually need instead. You have to be able to figure out what is really important, not what everyone says is important.
 
!!!!
!!!
you're saying mostly what i have on my mind!
i was went almost crazy last year thinking that way too. today i just try not to think of it.
i'm second year engineering student, i'll hopefully graduate when i'm 25/26 at latest (i missed few courses), i don't have the social skills to work as engineer and be successful, though i'm very fond of the studies.. but i regret of not studding printmaking or going at least to an art field. now it's already too late to quit cause if i do my parents will kick me out of the house, i will need to find a job and work hard to pay for the studies and so many time will be wasted and i feel like i'm too old to let it go. from the other side i just can't live with my parents anymore, i hate it and all my college experience which is supposed to be fun feels like honeysuckle...

about your situation, i can tell something encouraging (i think)- at my college there are quite a lot not so young students who just start their first degree, at my country the average of starting the first degree is 22, but there are still many ppl who were traveling the world, working, going for different fields and it's just life. you're not going to be a model and your still at your twenties so it's perfectly fine. at least you found what you want to study! one year is not what gonna make a crucial difference ...
don't you have more free time with having 3 courses this semester? use that time wisely, there will be times you won't have time to breath of having too much you must do.
 
Thanks guys, it was really helpful .... I guess I do feel guilty but like you all said , I just need to let go and think about the present instead of obsessing so much X__X

Hey sunny, I wish you luck on engineering , well once you graduate and find a job, after a few years you could always go back to school to learn something you enjoy. That's what my bro is doing, he works as a computer technician and takes classes in college at the same time :D
As for having 3 classes only, well yes I have free time although I was wishing to be very busy with 6 classes o.< lol, but I'm gonna get a part time job :D , at least I'll make some pocket money and well it will help saving up for future fees lol :/

You're right Lonesome Crow and Ghost, I have a nasty habit of comparing myself to others, it feeds my low self-esteem :( and maybe thats why I always feel guilty or obsess over things...I really need to just stop and feel better about myself but it's harder than it sounds -__-;;;;;

I see your point Spare and I have to agree with you o: I guess everyone has his own rythm :)

And yes Onlyme, we need stop torturing ourselves with imaginary projections of a future we cannot control :( '' carpe diem '' right ? seize the day :p ..I used to do that with the kids in class, make them write in a notebook things they enjoyed, could be anything like the smell of toast, the taste of honey :D, a warm summer breeze, a tv show, ect... I should do it too for myself O: !!! In fact, I think we should all do it, even put pictures of stuff we just enjoy and such...whenever we feel really bad and wonder whats the point of going on with our lives, it could remind us that there will always be things in life that we enjoy ..I mean there has to be a reason why 6 billion people are still sticking around on earth lmao

 
Since most things were already answered by other members,I'll get to a point were I want you to focus on.

In your OP you said you needed to finish college to find some friends and a group,but... why the hell does "not finishing college = not finding friends"

You can and if you want will find friends in your future class
You can go to a bar right now and just talk to people there

And that won't change because you're not in college anymore,actually,it may even become worse because of the 1st point I made there.

About youngsters intimidating you... what the...? You are intimidating them for just being there,you're probably years older than most people there (point to you),you'll probably have experience on your hands (point 2) and you can kid by acting like a fatherly figure to them (point 3). I haven't understand what the problem is yet...
 
1st of all thanks for replying :D

Also, I'm a girl so I doubt I'll be a father figure lmao but I understand what you mean.

And I was in College for 4 years and made 0 friends...so....I just want to be done with it and gtfo and start working, I just find it easier to make friends when working ( like i did a few months ago ) or doing other activities than at school......I just feel lost in the mess when it comes to College, I'm not very social, but when you work , especially when serving customers, you have no choice but to communicate and that actually pushes me to overcome my shyness and anxiety and ..well.. good things happen :D

And I hate drinking alcohol so no bars for me tyvm lol ..I don't like that kind of environment anyways ...

And age doesn't mean anything when you are shy with low self-esteem, whether you are older than people doesnt make you any more intimidating or socially more apt to communicate than them :/
An error from my part, I find anyone intimidating lmao
 
BunnyNumber8 said:
1st of all thanks for replying :D

Also, I'm a girl so I doubt I'll be a father figure lmao but I understand what you mean.

And I was in College for 4 years and made 0 friends...so....I just want to be done with it and gtfo and start working, I just find it easier to make friends when working ( like i did a few months ago ) or doing other activities than at school......I just feel lost in the mess when it comes to College, I'm not very social, but when you work , especially when serving customers, you have no choice but to communicate and that actually pushes me to overcome my shyness and anxiety and ..well.. good things happen :D

And I hate drinking alcohol so no bars for me tyvm lol ..I don't like that kind of environment anyways ...

And age doesn't mean anything when you are shy with low self-esteem, whether you are older than people doesnt make you any more intimidating or socially more apt to communicate than them :/
An error from my part, I find anyone intimidating lmao

In the first place,sorry for the mistake >.< I guess I was misleaded by the avatar (even though I thought it wasn't you...) anyways...

In second place,if you say you don't like the environment of bars or school,then maybe having a part-time at some restaurant?
I know it's a bit of a crazy sujestion,but since you say you're tired of being alone at home without really doing anything,since you like that enviorment and since you want to show some "proof" to your parents,that's the ideal. Portray it as a suport to them and something temporary,at least until you go to college again

You know what? fresia standards. You only have low self-esteem and zero confidence if you believe you do. Standards as those only sink you lower in a hole,and I can garantee you that that is a hole you don't wanna sink in.
 
BunnyNumber8,

I can relate to your problems even though I am a 53 year old woman, who never went to college, have been divorced and widowed, and never had children.

At 26 years old, your self-esteem is awful, and it is a shame it is.

Panic and fear to me are the worst emotions. If you don't think you are not cut out to be a teacher, then don't be. Don't beat yourself up for changing your mind.

Being intimidated by younger students must be a horrible feeling. However, do you realize that there are people in their 30's, 40's and even 50's that are just getting degrees in what they want to do now? I don't think the valuable time you are talking about is a waste. You are trying to find out who you are and what you want to do with your life--that is time well spent.

I am disabled since 7/85, and am trying to find out what I can do with the rest of my life at 53! The lonliness and boredom lead me to anxiety and depression. You would be surprised to know that many people much older than you are still struggling to "find themselves." Society dictates a lot of pressure, but you don't have to follow what Society "says." You are putting the pressure on yourself...your self-esteem is low, and you are being an enemy to yourself. If someone treated you the way you treat yourself, you most probably wouldn't put up with it. Try and give yourself a break.

Comparing yourself to others is a terrible thing to do--it definitely will bring you fear and anxiety. You are you! Your parents lying about your job status is how they cope with their expectations of you. I know that ignoring the expectations and opinions of others is extremely hard, but you have to set standards for yourself...and keep them reasonable. They shouldn't make your panic. If they do, you are setting them too high, and you will waste time trying to keep up with them while you may not be ready to do everything you want to achieve at once. I just re-read that--I hope it makes some sense to you.

You sound like you are trying extremely hard to be someone that can be loved, admired and respected. But, you can have those things by just being you...I don't have a college degree, I can't work, and my biological clock has ticked out, but I am loved, admired and respected by others. When you do decide what you want to do with your life, you will then feel more worthy of those traits...but you don't need to achieve anything to be a good person. Trying as hard as you are is very admirable in my book! You should be proud that you are trying and not quitting like many others may do!

Panic, anxiety and fear is always with me when I think about the future. I am not financially sound being on disability, and I live with my Mom in a basement apartment in my Sister and Brother-in-Law's home. There are many circumstances that can leave me in really bad situations in the future, even homelessness.

There are no guarantees in life. Try to stay in the now. If the anxiety and panic are too much to bear, may I suggest that you look into Psycotherapy or even going to a Psychiatrist for mild medication for your nerves? If you have no health insurance, most towns/cities have places that are for the public, and charge you on a sliding scale according to your income. I do that, and I will say that I think I would go crazy without it or maybe even not want to live.

I am sorry that I can't offer you answers to your problems, but I hope something in this message helped you to discover something about your situation. Feel free to e-mail me if you want to chat. You make think the age is a big negative factor, but you may be surprised.

Hugs to you!


 
I think it's something that's almost like a protection mechanism that our bodies has, when we're lonely, our subconscious mind is telling us to worry about being lonely because a.) humans are social creatures by nature, and b.) our subconscious mind is probably also telling you to worry about time because it realizes that there is only so much time until you die, and don't reproduce. Chances are if you had a kid, then you wouldn't be worrying about it so much because to your mind, you've already completed your task in life. Also, I think it's also natural for us to crave to feel as if our parents are proud of us, as it is to feel a craving for a companion or friend.
 
That is a great post by WishingWell. I'm 27 and feel lost and alone too and used to keep beating myself up about past decisions, thinking that I was an underachiever and that I was never good enough just because my peers seem to be doing better in life, when the truth is they probably have a lot of problems of there own going on behind closed doors. It's a horrible feeling when you feel like you are your own worst enemy and comparing your life to others is something you should never do, even if you think that your life sucks there is always somebody out there who has it worse. I only joined this site a couple of days ago and it has already made me feel a bit better knowing that there are so many of us who are in the same boat.

Anyway, take care BunnyNumber8 :)
 
I agree, Wishingwell, it was an amazing post ;3; <3 thankyou so much and no I won't give up and I have thought about taking care of my anxiety problem too...old teachers of mine suggested I see a psychiatrist..but..I only want to go when I'm 100% sure that I can't handle it, so far I've managed it ...so so...I'll see where it leads me......you're probably right Simon, I guess some people have it worse than us.....and yes fresia standards >:D !! I should rebel and just take life as it is and be myself without worries of impressing others.....such good advices, you're all too kind.

And yay joining this site, I think, is a great 1st step when it comes to making changes, or even for feeling better...I thought I was alone until I stumbled on this website, it sure helped me a lot :) *huggles*
 
a big YES. i am always so worried about my biological clock ticking and the marriage time ticking away,, i am 28 ,,,i was studying electrical engg. it was supposed to be a 3 year course,,,but its been 8 years and i still havent graduated :(:(....this semester is one last chance for me to clear all subjects or wud never earn a degree
i am a college drop in final year
my academic record since the start of my degree very never above 50% score.

with such academic background,,and being 28,,fat and single,,

i am so worried ad depressed many times.... about studies and job and family



BunnyNumber8 said:
I started to panick today for the most stupid reason in the world .__.;

As mentionned in another thread awhile back, I dropped out of a college program I had been undergoing for 4 years, yes very close to graduating, dropped out because, I hated it, I couldn't take it anymore and I just didnt have the skills for it...when you have no social skills, faking them is rather hard :/ and there will be a breaking point...I'm just too shy, and socially awkward with too much anxiety to be a teacher...

After 1 month of staying home and doing nothing while lamenting over myself, I decided to take things into my own hands and start all over again..so I found a job and worked for 2 months and a half, right before the holydays and I got accepted in translation in college and it's a 3 year degree..

So here's the big issue, since I got accepted late, most classes for winter 2011 are full so instead of being a full time student I'm only part time and managed to get 3 classes.....and that is depressing me greatly..because it means I'm waisting valuable time .....

Because of this I'll graduate in fall 2013 at the age of 27 instead of winter 2013 at the age of 26 ........it sounds stupid doesnt it....but I'm obsessing over how old I become when I finally get my degree and start looking for a job...

I also feel intimidated by younger students......I hate this...it's stupid things to worry about....but the longer it takes for me to start my own life finally, the harder it is to bare it...

At least with a job I can meet people, buy my own place, make new friends ect...and not be stuck at home.

Are people who are lonely always like this ? Thinking about their biological clock........there's so much pressure in society nowadays ...everything has to be done quickly, get a job, have a family, pay your morgage, think about retirement....all these things frighten me....I hate thinking about them ...I also worry about my parents.. I mean how long can I stay with them o__O;;;; I'll go crazy if not them before me...all the negative comments, the nagging , the dissapointment -__-;;;;

The longer it takes me to graduate, the older I get and the more uneasy it becomes to stay in such an environment....alone, jobless, struggling at school and watching the clock tick and seeing hours pass by while my friends and family gain success after success ......my parents are lying now when they are asked why I'm not working yet..you know once you graduate obviously after a certain time you should be able to find a job in the domain you studied whether it's part time, full time or even a contract......they're so ashamed of me for quitting and I feel like such a loser :_(

I should be happy starting back from scratch and doing something I like for a change but.....I still don't feel any happier....I keep telling myself that the past is passed and I should think about the future and the more I think about it, the more frightened I am and I start thinking about how many years I waisted and how long it's gonna take to fix them and then I start to panick and start doing stupid things which led me in this situation in the 1st place...such a vicious cycle :(

So....do you guys get nervous thinking about the future and how time is flowing faster and faster and you feel like you're just sitting there waiting to get old and realise that you could have done so much....



hahahahaha,,i dont know whether to be happy or amazed,,bcos i cudnt believe it,,,
after reading each and every line u put here,, i was surpirsrd there are people out there,,u are so exactly like me and facing almsot same situation like me,,
i have similar issues too..but after joining this forum,,it has been some kind of support to ,,,hang on a little longer and once again give a try in life


BunnyNumber8 said:
1st of all thanks for replying :D

Also, I'm a girl so I doubt I'll be a father figure lmao but I understand what you mean.

And I was in College for 4 years and made 0 friends...so....I just want to be done with it and gtfo and start working, I just find it easier to make friends when working ( like i did a few months ago ) or doing other activities than at school......I just feel lost in the mess when it comes to College, I'm not very social, but when you work , especially when serving customers, you have no choice but to communicate and that actually pushes me to overcome my shyness and anxiety and ..well.. good things happen :D

And I hate drinking alcohol so no bars for me tyvm lol ..I don't like that kind of environment anyways ...

And age doesn't mean anything when you are shy with low self-esteem, whether you are older than people doesnt make you any more intimidating or socially more apt to communicate than them :/
An error from my part, I find anyone intimidating lmao

 
Blimey I have read all the posts and gotta say to everyone that you are all doing really well. It has taken me a year to sort my head out from a recent ex and panic attacks. There is a lot of hope and its about ensuring that you are fit and healthy, physically and mentally, then the world is yours, lol. You know what I mean. I study constantly on so many subjects and graduated. You have got to do what you want and know when its not your thing in all walks of life.
 

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