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IsaaKC

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Jan 9, 2011
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Location
Waukegan, IL
I grew up in a family with an alcoholic father. I'm sure you can imagine what this would do to a child, but that's not the end of it.
I no longer talk to my sister because she had sex with someone I hate and lied to me about it.
I felt so betrayed & hurt, I couldn't help it.

on top of that, I just feel so outcast from the rest of my family. We are mexican, and I myself am out of touch with the culture, I barely speak spanish, and I'm not a fan of the food.

I know this seems petty, but for some reason it hurts, to see all of them enjoy a thorougly prepared meal while I'm just eating a sandwich.

I've never been particularly close to my brother, in fact sometimes I've felt jealous because he actually gets along with my father.
I've tried to get close with my brother but what aggrevates me is that my brother takes my father to get drunk. My dad can't drive, he has 2 dui's and has lost his license.

I've never had a girlfriend and the one time that I was close to, I opened myself up & told her how I felt, and afterwards she began to ignore me and go after some other guy. It hurt so much, I've avoided trying to get with anyone else either. I keep thinking I did something wrong, and don't wanna do it again.

I just got my associates degree from a community college and am scared I won't be able to get into a 4 year university.
I am taking some math classes that I need these next 3 semesters that I need in order to transfer, but for some reason, I feel like I'm running out of time.
I was rejected from all the other schools I wanted to go to when I was in high school, which is why I went to a community college.

I haven't been able to find a job for the past few months, I've gotten interviews, but all of them have said no. My mom and me got into a fight about this, and she got angry at me for making a comment about me being smarter her. I know this was insensitive, but I can't help but feel maybe I would be better if she did not marry my father.

I'm pretty sure everyone here can relate not having someone to talk to, not being able to express how you feel, just letting all this bottle up inside, but for some reason it's been bothering me more lately. I've been crying alot more and a question that keeps going on in my mind is "What do I have to do? What do I have to do? What do I have to do? What do I have to do?"
do I have to change?
is who I am the reason Why I am so alone?
 
Hey, man.

That sounds pretty rough. I was watching a documentary discussing why culture is so important to us as people, and basically it comes down to the fact that we as humans are more or less afraid of being temporary. A culture lets us feel like we are a part of, and contributing to, something bigger that will continue on for centuries. The documentary goes in to other subjects like what causes hate and xenophobia, but that's not really relevant here. I imagine it's pretty painful not being able to fit in with your family. When we do not fit in to our culture, it is easy to become lost.

I'm going to address a couple of things and I might be a little blunt. Firstly it sounds like you have a few very dysfunctional family members. In all honesty, it is better to detach yourself from them. I detached myself from my middle sister a couple of years ago, and her husband as well; I detached myself from my parents partially for a year or so when they were drinking heavily. Thankfully things are better now. It hurts to sever a connection, but sometimes it is for the better.

Secondly, education and career. Dude, you're twenty. I know it feels like time is short to start our lives (I'm twenty three), but we have to get over that feeling. What did you get out of community college? Is it a workable professional credential that qualifies you to do something? If it is, don't sweat the 4 year degree so much. You'll get that in due time. There is not an age limit on completing a degree unless you put one on yourself. Don't fall in to society's cookie cutter that says you're worthless if you haven't graduated University by the age of 22. Honestly, I think the people who take a little more time are higher quality people.

My captain at work was telling me the other day about a student he had (he taught a college Paramedic course for a time) who was in his mid twenties or so and entered his Paramedic program. The guy had goals of becoming a Firefighter and Paramedic was sort of just a stepping stone. So he's already broken society's cookie cutter by being in college past 22, but get this:

The guy excelled in the program, and became fascinated with the clinical aspect of the job. And guess what? He decided he didn't want to be a Paramedic....because he was going to go to medical school. He's probably a doctor now, or close. Is it the social norm to make that decision in our mid-twenties? No. But who cares? It's our journey, our experience. Don't live your life in weakness, and don't waste time on needless decadence or dead-end aspirations (like drugs or partying). But don't feel like you are at everyone elses beck and call as to when you have to do something.

I might not even go past my two year degree, which I'm still working on at age 23. You don't see me freaking out, do you? Yet modern suburban parents would have a heart attack if I was their kid.

I think you need to find something to vent your frustration, your anxiety, your fears; something to give you some short-term sense of accomplishment and fulfillment. I suggest doing some soul searching, as cheesy as that sounds, to see if you can learn about yourself. Find a quiet place and let EVERYTHING go that you are worrying about. Take yourself in to nature, go hiking and find that place, and do some housekeeping within your Self.

After that, find a creative release or some sort of physical pursuit. Too many of us have lives these days that are not truly enriched by anything because we stay on the beaten path. Take up yoga, or collect some backpacking gear and take off for the woods in your free time. Try some urban exploration, take some pictures.


Keep trying to find a job. Following the above advice will actually help you find one; interviewers can tell when you're nervous or unsure of yourself, and depending on the questions they ask, they love it when you can deliver a story of an experience. Times are tough right now economically; everyone is struggling for a job, and the future is very uncertain right now in spite of the news telling us what we want to hear (that everything is fine). But don't let it get you down; I mean it.
 
I wanna thank you for everything you said.
Especially concerning school, because right now, that's my biggest stress.
But from community college, I just went for my associates degree, because I'm still unsure if I want to major in computers or business.

But as far as severing ties with my family, I did it to avoid the pain that came with that baggage, but I can't shake the feeling of how selfish an act that is.
I feel like I'm not taking my sister's feelings into consideration. I've told 3 of my closest friends of the incident that occurred, and they all tell me to patch things up.


Trust me, I haven't turned to alcohol and drugs. I know right now those will just makes things worse.

I have been wanting to try re-discover myself, as I feel like I've lost touch with what I once enjoyed. I used love music, discovering, listening to it, and the feeling you get when it takes over.
I haven't felt that in a while and video games I used to love to play, I feel like I HAVE to play them to the finish, as I have already spent the money on them. I feel forced to hang out with my friends, and I know I love them, but I feel more distanced from them than ever.

I want to be able to enjoy those things again. But still don't know where to start.

and to add some good news, I have a job interview this thursday. Here's hoping that this one actually leads to employment.
 
Here's hoping. :) Remember to emphasize the positive aspects of yourself. Go over in your head, or even recite verbally, your general answers to certain questions. The big one to have a basic answer template ready for is 'Tell us about yourself'. It's actually one of the least-prepared-for questions. Don't just talk about your qualifications...talk about where you're from, what you like to do. Paint the picture for them. And watch your body language, too. A lot of people don't realize that they are stiff as a board, or slouching, or staring at one single speck of dust for the entire interview. Go in easy, make it breezy ;)
 

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