Friends with Benefits

One of my few weird friends that I have is in an "friends with benefits" relationship with another guy. But lately she's been talking to me and a few of her friends that this guy is starting to get attached, so she stopped seeing him. Now she started hanging around me after I mentioned to her in a conversation that I was currently single.

I'm not sure how things would turn out in the near future, but for some reason I keep thinking that she might bring up the FTB thing. As a guy, Hell Yeah this would be my chance at life again! but at the same time I don't want to end up like the other guy which would most likely happen ... she is attractive to me ... FML ...

What are your guys thoughts/opinions about Friends with Benefits? I've heard/read so many negative things about it.

Marik_757 said:

One of my few weird friends that I have is in an "friends with benefits" relationship with another guy. But lately she's been talking to me and a few of her friends that this guy is starting to get attached, so she stopped seeing him. Now she started hanging around me after I mentioned to her in a conversation that I was currently single.

I'm not sure how things would turn out in the near future, but for some reason I keep thinking that she might bring up the FTB thing. As a guy, Hell Yeah this would be my chance at life again! but at the same time I don't want to end up like the other guy which would most likely happen ... she is attractive to me ... FML ...

What are your guys thoughts/opinions about Friends with Benefits? I've heard/read so many negative things about it.

Click to expand...

I generally get leery when I hear about such arrangements. It's not that I have any moral issue with the idea. It's just that someone always gets attached and gets their heart broken; but that's not based on a study or anything. Just anecdotal experiences about what I've seen happen.

Friends with Benefits is the WAY to roll. You need to be a complete Stoic and turn your emotions OFF completely. Be out pursuing other girls too, because a fairly attractive woman basically get any of her guy friends to do whatever she wants with the snap of her fingers, so usually it's the guy getting attached.

Besides sex, there's really no difference between being close friends and having a relationship. Just a friend to do fun stuff with and have sex with.

No, no, no, no bad idea. Just look at what happened, you said your friend was involved in this and the guy started to get attached. I don't care what people say but ONE always ends up getting attached to the other person. Unless they are completely emotionally numb to each other. I could have easily found myself in this situation once but I knew there were feelings in there, it wouldn't just have been FWB. It would have ended disastrously for one of us. These are choppy waters you are sailing on if you do, even if you think you don't have romantic feelings for the other person those can develop over time. You gave your own good example.

i say go for it. if you think you can handle it, if you think you won't get attached, then have fun... BUT, beware the consequences that come with it. STDs, pregnancy, drama. it's a package deal. good luck.

freedom said:

i say go for it. if you think you can handle it, if you think you won't get attached, then have fun... BUT, beware the consequences that come with it. STDs, pregnancy, drama. it's a package deal. good luck.

Click to expand...

Condoms

SocratesX said:

Friends with Benefits is the WAY to roll. You need to be a complete Stoic and turn your emotions OFF completely. Be out pursuing other girls too, because a fairly attractive woman basically get any of her guy friends to do whatever she wants with the snap of her fingers, so usually it's the guy getting attached.

Besides sex, there's really no difference between being close friends and having a relationship. Just a friend to do fun stuff with and have sex with.

Click to expand...

That does actually makes sense to pursue other females in the process. It's not like your making a commitment to just see that one individual. Hmm... Maybe i should enjoy being single while i still can.

Yeah why not. Just don't fall for her.

I don't see anything bad about the situation, as long as both parties are on the level with the rules of the game. Just play safe, now, y'hear. And don't get hurt. Physically or emotionally. Be prepared that the same thing that happened to fellow number uno (or whichever he was on her list) will possibly happen to you.

i don't see it being a big deal. just remember:
DO: pursue other women
DON'T: get attached or develop any feelings

if you feel that you will end up getting attached, then don't do it because you most likely will.

how do you let a girl know you want to use them for sex without coming across as a sleeze?

I have to agree with most of the other posters here. FWB is generally not a good idea. With sexual involvement usually emotional involvement follows. After all, you're sharing a very intimate closeness and seeing/feeling/knowing parts about them usually reserved for a romantic relationship.

If you think it will happen, don't be afraid to interrogate a little - know what sex and love means to that person. If they take love too lightly, their carefree attitude toward it may spell disaster in the future. That guy she felt was getting too attached is probably devastated. Some people cannot shut their emotions off and orgasm is as close to a spiritual experience as most people ever get so naturally, they will develop an attachment to someone who makes them feel that good. If you're the type who doesn't mind sharing, not jealous, not possessive, not going to get upset if the girl you're having sex with is having sex someone else, then yeah, you're probably okay to handle it.

Just remember that with physical intimacy, emotional intimacy is usually inevitable. And if you want to keep this person as a friend, you might want to leave the "benefits" out because it just might become a liability.

Good luck!

It's your life, we all make our own decisions. But something you should also consider too, is that if you ever find yourself in a serious relationship with someone, you most likely could not continue being friends with this girl. Something to think about, since she is not a stranger and is already your friend.

I don't know, I just couldn't share someone and know they're sleeping with someone else. Then again, I can't shut off my feelings, nor would I want to.

Stephanie said:

Just remember that with physical intimacy, emotional intimacy is usually inevitable.

Click to expand...

That's not true for most men (and a few women).

Women can get all the sex they want. Men can have sex and not get attached.

Poueff said:

freedom said:

i say go for it. if you think you can handle it, if you think you won't get attached, then have fun... BUT, beware the consequences that come with it. STDs, pregnancy, drama. it's a package deal. good luck.

Click to expand...

Condoms

Click to expand...

#1- they don't always work
#2- you don't always have one in your wallet
#3- they don't stop the drama from seeping through
#4- raise your hand if you actually like using them

Mary Mary said:

Stephanie said:

Just remember that with physical intimacy, emotional intimacy is usually inevitable.

Click to expand...

That's not true for most men (and a few women).

Women can get all the sex they want. Men can have sex and not get attached.

Click to expand...

In general terms, you're probably right, but most of the men I've known can't have sex without getting attached. I've also known a man who can have sex without attachment, but only because he doesn't really understand what love is. But I think with most men, once they've experienced sex with love, sex without it just is never the same again. That's just my opinion though.

Friends with Benefits is a very difficult "relationship" to be in.

Having a friend to just have sex with, which is how I understand the concept, to me is not a good idea. One of you just might start feeling you want more than a friendship with the other person, and the other person probably won't feel that way if that's not the way your relationship started out. It is very easy to get hurt this way.

Saying you won't get attached and not getting attached are two BIG things, and no one can tell what time will bring after a while.

I would not only be afraid I would get hurt, I would be afraid of hurting the other person, which is something I would never want to do to anyone.

To me, it is not only against my morals of mutual caring about someone I was going to be intimate with, it, also, is just too risky for me. But, only the two people involved can decide for themselves.

Stephanie said:

Mary Mary said:

Stephanie said:

Just remember that with physical intimacy, emotional intimacy is usually inevitable.

Click to expand...

That's not true for most men (and a few women).

Women can get all the sex they want. Men can have sex and not get attached.

Click to expand...

In general terms, you're probably right, but most of the men I've known can't have sex without getting attached. I've also known a man who can have sex without attachment, but only because he doesn't really understand what love is. But I think with most men, once they've experienced sex with love, sex without it just is never the same again. That's just my opinion though.

Click to expand...

I would agree with you.

I just like to point that out to people because young people make the mistake of thinking that the opposite sex is like them; and young women get burned because they think if they sleep with a guy, it means that he likes her like she likes him. A lot of women get hurt that way.

As per my knowledge, two friends who have a sexual relationship without being emotionally involved are said to be friends with benefits. However, I think that romantic relationships can be wonderful and exhilarating, but they can also be stressful and hard to come by.

As long as two people consented and both agreed at the prerequisites then I think it's ok. Sometimes, you just want sex without an attachment. It's better that someone is a friend before hand because you know the things they have as oppose to a one night stand. Meh, it sucks that someone will get hurt one day but hey that's what happens. =/