Never get enough opportunities to meet others

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.
Joined
Dec 3, 2010
Messages
20
Reaction score
0
Like many of you, I'm shy, introverted and not the most social person. I just wonder.. for people like us how can we meet others? I mean.. think about it.. many of us are probably lonely cuz we lack interaction with others and don't get enough exposure. There must be ways for people like us to meet other people easier. Its quite obvious that the conventional "join the school club" stuff doesn't work that well with us..
What do you guys think? Do you guys have any ideas ?
 
Poueff said:
Go to danceclubs,bars,discos,stuff like that

Hi Socially_Impaired -- "Poueff" has some ordinary ideas but if you're the same age as he is (14) then going to bars may be simply dead-end and/or inappropriate. How old are you? What are some of your interests? LG:)
 
Hike club. Not only is it good exercise, being part of a hiking club will encourage you to exercise on your own (being in good shape will help you keep up and enjoy the hike). Hiking itself is refreshing because of the endorphin rush, the fresh air, the sensory stimulation, the feeling of accomplishment, and the socialization. I just got back from a snow shoe trip that I lead today for a club, and I feel great.

Also, it waters down the social interaction. You can only hike in single file, so talking is difficult; however, you still get exposure to interacting with others. The activity of hiking will also give you something to talk about. Today, we talked about some of the funny things that the other members of the club did, our trip to Zion planned this summer, and our hiking equipment.
 
Poueff said:
Go to danceclubs,bars,discos,stuff like that
uuhhh idk.. i never really considered those places a good option.. cuz im a nerdish/geeky type =(
those places just arent for me (though I know I should give it a try)
I still doubt that these places are my cup of tea.


LGH1288 said:
Poueff said:
Go to danceclubs,bars,discos,stuff like that

Hi Socially_Impaired -- "Poueff" has some ordinary ideas but if you're the same age as he is (14) then going to bars may be simply dead-end and/or inappropriate. How old are you? What are some of your interests? LG:)
Old enough to go to all of the above.. well close enough lol
I'm interested in
Tennis (watching and playing)
Politics
Video Games
Astronomy
(Most stereotypically geeky/nerdy things like, astronomy, space, science fiction movies/ tv shows, computers and electronics =/ )
A good drama

yeahh not the most diverse set of interests i guess..

Mary Mary said:
Hike club. Not only is it good exercise, being part of a hiking club will encourage you to exercise on your own (being in good shape will help you keep up and enjoy the hike). Hiking itself is refreshing because of the endorphin rush, the fresh air, the sensory stimulation, the feeling of accomplishment, and the socialization. I just got back from a snow shoe trip that I lead today for a club, and I feel great.

Also, it waters down the social interaction. You can only hike in single file, so talking is difficult; however, you still get exposure to interacting with others. The activity of hiking will also give you something to talk about. Today, we talked about some of the funny things that the other members of the club did, our trip to Zion planned this summer, and our hiking equipment.
sounds like a cool idea, idk how well it would work for me though since I like in a city and no real hiking trails are realistically close by =/

 
Socially_Impaired said:
Mary Mary said:
Hike club. Not only is it good exercise, being part of a hiking club will encourage you to exercise on your own (being in good shape will help you keep up and enjoy the hike). Hiking itself is refreshing because of the endorphin rush, the fresh air, the sensory stimulation, the feeling of accomplishment, and the socialization. I just got back from a snow shoe trip that I lead today for a club, and I feel great.

Also, it waters down the social interaction. You can only hike in single file, so talking is difficult; however, you still get exposure to interacting with others. The activity of hiking will also give you something to talk about. Today, we talked about some of the funny things that the other members of the club did, our trip to Zion planned this summer, and our hiking equipment.
sounds like a cool idea, idk how well it would work for me though since I like in a city and no real hiking trails are realistically close by =/

We drive up to two hours for a hike. Hard core hikers will do that. Look it up anyway. If you live in a big city, I'm sure you've got an outdoorsy club of some sort.

But how about a cycling club or a jogging club?
 
How close is 'close by'?

Even living in a rural area, the closest trailheads are probably 8 to 10 miles. But it's worth the trip. Sometimes you gotta go out of your way a bit to really experience life.

Have you actually looked for trails in your area though or are you just assuming? Have you tried the forest service or searching "_______ area hiking trails" on google?

If you are curious at any rate, try www.meetup.com to find outdoors groups, they're pretty common on there. And don't be afraid to go to such an event at least three times. Just like with a new job, you have to really put yourself in the group and make your presence known to be accepted. There is a sort of grace period people tend to have where we gauge new people in our lives; don't waste it by being invisible. I did that and it took a lot of effort to reverse the effects.
 
Brian said:
How close is 'close by'?

Even living in a rural area, the closest trailheads are probably 8 to 10 miles. But it's worth the trip. Sometimes you gotta go out of your way a bit to really experience life.

Have you actually looked for trails in your area though or are you just assuming? Have you tried the forest service or searching "_______ area hiking trails" on google?

I agree. There are hiking trails around NYC.
 
Yeah, I know the feeling. We're already working six days per week. Soon enough, it'll be five tens and eight on Saturday, with Sunday optional. With what little time I do have to myself, I'm too tired to do anything.
 
ChiCowboy said:
Yeah, I know the feeling. We're already working six days per week. Soon enough, it'll be five tens and eight on Saturday, with Sunday optional. With what little time I do have to myself, I'm too tired to do anything.

Wow. What do you do for a living?


Look on the bright side though, at least you have full time work. I know people who'd love 40 hours a week, and would kill for 58.
 
Hi...
I'm shy too and have social anxiety actually. For me, I go to places that I feel comfortable. Like the Starbucks or a tea shop and sometimes people just talk to you. I also joined meetup.com so I can meet people with similar interests which makes conversations easier. You kinda just have to get yourself out there and exposed to people. Also, if you sign up for an art class or something at the local community college you can meet people. I have learned that I have to make time to do this. I have to get out each week. I have to make time for it and I have to sometimes travel. I don't always get to talk to people, but when you expose yourself more you can get more comfortable with people.
 
Canbenice said:
Hi...
I'm shy too and have social anxiety actually. For me, I go to places that I feel comfortable. Like the Starbucks or a tea shop and sometimes people just talk to you. I also joined meetup.com so I can meet people with similar interests which makes conversations easier. You kinda just have to get yourself out there and exposed to people. Also, if you sign up for an art class or something at the local community college you can meet people. I have learned that I have to make time to do this. I have to get out each week. I have to make time for it and I have to sometimes travel. I don't always get to talk to people, but when you expose yourself more you can get more comfortable with people.

I agree. You got to just jump in and do it. At first, you will make a fool of yourself and will want to throw up half the time; but over time if you keep trying, it gets easier.
 
Brian said:
How close is 'close by'?

Even living in a rural area, the closest trailheads are probably 8 to 10 miles. But it's worth the trip. Sometimes you gotta go out of your way a bit to really experience life.

Have you actually looked for trails in your area though or are you just assuming? Have you tried the forest service or searching "_______ area hiking trails" on google?

If you are curious at any rate, try www.meetup.com to find outdoors groups, they're pretty common on there. And don't be afraid to go to such an event at least three times. Just like with a new job, you have to really put yourself in the group and make your presence known to be accepted. There is a sort of grace period people tend to have where we gauge new people in our lives; don't waste it by being invisible. I did that and it took a lot of effort to reverse the effects.
well.. ill be honest I'm always hesitant to go so far to just try social stuff cuz all my life I've failed socially.. never got alot of attention from people, never was able to maintain their attention. The other big issue i have is that even when i do i rarely am able to find people of my age (college age) to relate with. Hiking trails and all dis stuff seems like stuff only adults do (like later then college)


Canbenice said:
Hi...
I'm shy too and have social anxiety actually. For me, I go to places that I feel comfortable. Like the Starbucks or a tea shop and sometimes people just talk to you. I also joined meetup.com so I can meet people with similar interests which makes conversations easier. You kinda just have to get yourself out there and exposed to people. Also, if you sign up for an art class or something at the local community college you can meet people. I have learned that I have to make time to do this. I have to get out each week. I have to make time for it and I have to sometimes travel. I don't always get to talk to people, but when you expose yourself more you can get more comfortable with people.
I'm into those places too cuz their more for me but as a guy it doesn't really work out well.. If i went up to random people to talk I might as well look like a creep =/
 
Hey Socially...you mention a list of activities and some of them revolve around interaction with others correct?

So what do those other people do when you're not with them?

My point is...ask them what they do for fun, and ask them to let you know the "next time they do that". Maybe it's something that you will want to join in on...maybe it's something you will want to FORCE yourself to join in on.

I've got a friend who meets some of his closest buds online...in forums like dedicated to the stuff he likes the most. Have you checked out political forums, etc.?

Just some ideas...would be happy to chat with you in greater detail- maybe I can be of some help.

I read some more of your feedback to others in this post, and I think I might have a few helpful tips for you. PM me if interested, and we can go from there.
 
Socially_Impaired said:
well.. ill be honest I'm always hesitant to go so far to just try social stuff cuz all my life I've failed socially.. never got alot of attention from people, never was able to maintain their attention. The other big issue i have is that even when i do i rarely am able to find people of my age (college age) to relate with. Hiking trails and all dis stuff seems like stuff only adults do (like later then college)

Have you tried looking to see if that's true? Many of my co-workers say they were most active hiking when they were in college.

Also, don't underestimate the value of older people. A lot of you younger people will find that a certain amount of your social issues will go away when you get older because your peers will get older and more mature. A lot of you are very mature, and that's probably why you have a hard time relating to your peers.

Socially_Impaired said:
I'm into those places too cuz their more for me but as a guy it doesn't really work out well.. If i went up to random people to talk I might as well look like a creep =/

So what if you look like a creep? Who cares? At least, they'll remember you.

 
Mary Mary said:
Socially_Impaired said:
well.. ill be honest I'm always hesitant to go so far to just try social stuff cuz all my life I've failed socially.. never got alot of attention from people, never was able to maintain their attention. The other big issue i have is that even when i do i rarely am able to find people of my age (college age) to relate with. Hiking trails and all dis stuff seems like stuff only adults do (like later then college)

Have you tried looking to see if that's true? Many of my co-workers say they were most active hiking when they were in college.

Also, don't underestimate the value of older people. A lot of you younger people will find that a certain amount of your social issues will go away when you get older because your peers will get older and more mature. A lot of you are very mature, and that's probably why you have a hard time relating to your peers.

Socially_Impaired said:
I'm into those places too cuz their more for me but as a guy it doesn't really work out well.. If i went up to random people to talk I might as well look like a creep =/

So what if you look like a creep? Who cares? At least, they'll remember you.
That's a good point Mary Mary.. I think sometimes I'm too closed minded to different things even though I like to claim I'm open minded =/ Maybe I've been jumping to conclusions too quickly..
 
Brian said:
ChiCowboy said:
Yeah, I know the feeling. We're already working six days per week. Soon enough, it'll be five tens and eight on Saturday, with Sunday optional. With what little time I do have to myself, I'm too tired to do anything.

Wow. What do you do for a living?


Look on the bright side though, at least you have full time work. I know people who'd love 40 hours a week, and would kill for 58.
I work in the printing industry. We print labels for canned goods, alcohol and bottled water. Oh yeah, I'm very grateful for my job.

 
Socially_Impaired said:
well.. ill be honest I'm always hesitant to go so far to just try social stuff cuz all my life I've failed socially.. never got alot of attention from people, never was able to maintain their attention. The other big issue i have is that even when i do i rarely am able to find people of my age (college age) to relate with. Hiking trails and all dis stuff seems like stuff only adults do (like later then college)

Hey, I'm 23 which is basically college age...what do you think I spend my warm months doing since I was 21? Hiking, mountain biking, fishing. Use it while you're young to keep it when you're older. Starting now is not a bad idea at all.


You will probably find that a lot of the people are a little older, but not by much. You'll find a LOT of mid to late twenties and on up in to 30s and even 50s enjoy a lot of outdoor things. It is a little uneasy at first trying to place yourself in to the group, but you have to realize people past 25 think a little differently. You'll still have some work ahead of you to make yourself a regular, but you can do it. Heck, I've done it. Observe at first, then play off of what you can see and make some friends. I'm not saying to be a clone of them, but find some relatable common ground and emphasize it.

Do you have any volunteer fire departments around your area? That's a great place for a young guy to not only learn to be social (and boy will you), but also to build confidence and self respect (and don't tell me you can't be a firefighter...anybody who can learn, work with a team, and have the courage to trust me, I can turn in to a firefighter).
 
Socially_Impaired said:
Like many of you, I'm shy, introverted and not the most social person. I just wonder.. for people like us how can we meet others? I mean.. think about it.. many of us are probably lonely cuz we lack interaction with others and don't get enough exposure. There must be ways for people like us to meet other people easier. Its quite obvious that the conventional "join the school club" stuff doesn't work that well with us..
What do you guys think? Do you guys have any ideas ?

This might sound like a cliché, but the one single thing that has really been a boost for my social life during the past few years has been internet dating. I've met maybe 40 to 50 men through the dating site I use. So 80% of the time there may not be a second date, but meeting someone for a couple of hours and having a nice long chat might that in itself be sometimes quite rewarding. (Sometimes it's painful, but then I just make an excuse and end the date after an hour.) I like to think that it has helped me improve my social skills, and I have even made a few friends.
 
Hi there! I haven`t been on this site for a looong time. I was very lonely and depressed with problems meeting people, and even when i did meet people, i couldn`t seem to make friends. I think the last message i posted was i was going to try internet dating and then i kinda disappeared from this site. It`s not because i met someone because i didn`t... i had absolutely no luck at all. I became more unhappy and felt really bad.

Then, something happened that changed my life, and i`m here to tell you. I started something called Capoeira. It`s a Brazilian martial art, which includes elements of fighting, dancing, acrobatics and music. Sounds mental right? The thing is, an important part of Capoeira is the social aspect of it. Everyone is so friendly and welcoming, and i`ve never had so many friends! In case you`re wondering, it`s not some kind of mad religion or cult. For some people it`s become a way of life but for me it`s just a hobby that i love.

Check it out on youtube, it`s amazing!
 

Latest posts

Back
Top