W
Whoaisme
Guest
Hello,
I'm a guy with a history of depression (I've been hospitalized once before) and I have a lot of anxiety when it comes to talking to people I don't already know. Although I am 24 years old, I have only been in two relationships both of which failed horribly because I have an abusive personality.
I would never physically harm my girlfriends, but I would emotionally abuse them until they had no sense of their old personality. It was never my intention to do this and I had no idea I was really doing it until it was too late. I never used harsh language or yelled or anything like that. I simply played mind games and made then feel bad about themselves.
Honestly, I hope to never do that again to anyone. I even bought some books to read on the subject to help me out. I have a tendency to push people away when all I really want is a friend and companion. I believe I was badly emotionally abused when I was a child and it has left me with no self-esteem and a general feeling of worthlessness.
I consider myself ugly, weak, and small, but in general people say I'm muscular and good looking (I do work out regularly).
I have no friends and no girlfriend. I live all alone and I don't know what to do with myself.
Although I won't kill myself, suicide creeps into my head almost daily. Well, ok, more then just daily... more like every couple of hours if I don't keep my mind on something else.
I long for simple human touch and affection, is that too much to ask for? Even a simple touch on the hand brings me so much happiness like some kind of childhood need that was never met.
I'm a guy with a history of depression (I've been hospitalized once before) and I have a lot of anxiety when it comes to talking to people I don't already know. Although I am 24 years old, I have only been in two relationships both of which failed horribly because I have an abusive personality.
I would never physically harm my girlfriends, but I would emotionally abuse them until they had no sense of their old personality. It was never my intention to do this and I had no idea I was really doing it until it was too late. I never used harsh language or yelled or anything like that. I simply played mind games and made then feel bad about themselves.
Honestly, I hope to never do that again to anyone. I even bought some books to read on the subject to help me out. I have a tendency to push people away when all I really want is a friend and companion. I believe I was badly emotionally abused when I was a child and it has left me with no self-esteem and a general feeling of worthlessness.
I consider myself ugly, weak, and small, but in general people say I'm muscular and good looking (I do work out regularly).
I have no friends and no girlfriend. I live all alone and I don't know what to do with myself.
Although I won't kill myself, suicide creeps into my head almost daily. Well, ok, more then just daily... more like every couple of hours if I don't keep my mind on something else.
I long for simple human touch and affection, is that too much to ask for? Even a simple touch on the hand brings me so much happiness like some kind of childhood need that was never met.