the-alchemist
Well-known member
- Joined
- Nov 2, 2010
- Messages
- 86
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Right now I'm sitting here in front of my computer being completely lonely. And I really mean it. I know people and I talk to them sometimes, but it ******* kills me when I see that I have all these names on my phone list but I can't call them for various reasons. Either they do not want to be disturbed or I'm too much of a coward to call them. Even if I did, this ******* cold outside prevents me from going out to do anything other than necessary stuff, like shopping or working.
Man, right now I'm so desperate. I would do anything just to be with someone that I WANT TO BE WITH for once. I don't want to have to settle for a self-centered friend, I don't want to have to settle for my parents. Why can't I be with someone that I WANT TO BE WITH? Never in my ******* miserable life has my needs or preferences been addressed, never has my ideas been valued. I always had to go where my brother forced me to go, always had to be with people that my mother wanted me to be with. I never had my own ******* life until some semblance of it was achieved in 2010.
I have started to intensely dislike my parents because they are the only ones that ever call me. And whenever they call me, it reminds me of the ******* lack of social life that I have. I have stopped returning their calls, I text them to leave me alone. Because ironically, any interaction with them just makes me feel more lonely. Seriously, I'm just so fed up with my parents.
I only have a 1 real friend that I sometimes spend my free time with. But he is so self-centered. All he does is talk about himself, trying to get me to inflate his ego. I'm fed up with him.
fresia, what I wouldn't do to be with people right now. Earlier today, I texted a girl I knew from university. We saw eachother earlier this week and had fun. I was going to contact her and see if we could see eachother again but I got delayed for a few days and only today did I do it. I haven't gotten a response yet, maybe her interest cooled off. Inadvertedly I had followed the 3-day rule it seems. Take it from me, it's apparently a myth. Still, her lack of response has gotten me down too. It leaves me speculating why she does not respond. fresia if I know. I shouldn't give a fresia since I'm leaving soon anyway. But I find myself giving a fresia regardless
But anyway, I'm so ******* miserable right now. My social life is sporadic. The things that people take for granted, seeing their friends everyday, having people they can talk to, these are things that come rarely for me. I sporadically get a few glimpses of the good life and then I go back to starving. Because that's what's happening to me, I'm mentally starving. Just sitting here alone, the sun has already gone down so it is like midnight, which doesn't help matters at all, when it gets dark so quickly here in Scandinavia.
Still, I'm moving abroad soon. Get away from this honeysuckle. I'm not gonna be stuck in some ******* gray zone where I know people and have friend but it's not the people you want to be with. But has these moments happened to you? Where you're lonely and you're just starving for company? You're bored and lonely and you want to be with someone?
Man, right now I'm so desperate. I would do anything just to be with someone that I WANT TO BE WITH for once. I don't want to have to settle for a self-centered friend, I don't want to have to settle for my parents. Why can't I be with someone that I WANT TO BE WITH? Never in my ******* miserable life has my needs or preferences been addressed, never has my ideas been valued. I always had to go where my brother forced me to go, always had to be with people that my mother wanted me to be with. I never had my own ******* life until some semblance of it was achieved in 2010.
I have started to intensely dislike my parents because they are the only ones that ever call me. And whenever they call me, it reminds me of the ******* lack of social life that I have. I have stopped returning their calls, I text them to leave me alone. Because ironically, any interaction with them just makes me feel more lonely. Seriously, I'm just so fed up with my parents.
I only have a 1 real friend that I sometimes spend my free time with. But he is so self-centered. All he does is talk about himself, trying to get me to inflate his ego. I'm fed up with him.
fresia, what I wouldn't do to be with people right now. Earlier today, I texted a girl I knew from university. We saw eachother earlier this week and had fun. I was going to contact her and see if we could see eachother again but I got delayed for a few days and only today did I do it. I haven't gotten a response yet, maybe her interest cooled off. Inadvertedly I had followed the 3-day rule it seems. Take it from me, it's apparently a myth. Still, her lack of response has gotten me down too. It leaves me speculating why she does not respond. fresia if I know. I shouldn't give a fresia since I'm leaving soon anyway. But I find myself giving a fresia regardless
But anyway, I'm so ******* miserable right now. My social life is sporadic. The things that people take for granted, seeing their friends everyday, having people they can talk to, these are things that come rarely for me. I sporadically get a few glimpses of the good life and then I go back to starving. Because that's what's happening to me, I'm mentally starving. Just sitting here alone, the sun has already gone down so it is like midnight, which doesn't help matters at all, when it gets dark so quickly here in Scandinavia.
Still, I'm moving abroad soon. Get away from this honeysuckle. I'm not gonna be stuck in some ******* gray zone where I know people and have friend but it's not the people you want to be with. But has these moments happened to you? Where you're lonely and you're just starving for company? You're bored and lonely and you want to be with someone?